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My WS is asking for for time before the D is final to phase out of the A. She says she can't just dump him , abandon him, whatever. <p>Her A has been going on for 18 months, then 2 months of living with him. I am ready for the closure of the D. <p>How long did you take in letting your OW down easy? Do you as a former WS, who felt in a similar way, feel that her request for additional time is reasonable given that I know what goes on every night their bedroom across town.
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Her desire not to hurt the OM shows where her priorities are. She would rather hurt you than him. Don't buy into her irrational thinking. Tell her that you got her message as to how important the marriage is to her and to have a good life.
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sounds like the fog is thick, she either wants to end it or not, when ending the A it should be a clean break and then no contact, you might consider plan b don't just hang arund waiting for her to decide
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Tomaz & Jabber,
You right!! Clear thinking is so refreshing. She , of course is deciding to hurt me and the kids instead of him. I'm just waiting for the final day of the divorce , July 24th. She's just getting worried because he's such a loser and can't make a living. Thats all it is. If he were a successful man, there would be no second thoughts.
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david87, <p>The A went on for a year and I started to pull away six months into it. The OW was in meds for depression and had an eating disorder. I agree with the general consensus in the forum that it may show where my priorities were at that time. However, the thought of being partially responsible for somebody committing suicide was too scary. No matter what one should show respect for life. Maybe she was just playing with my mind to tie me down but the alternative was not acceptable.<p>As you know, every situation is different. Have your wife explained in detail why she needs more time? How much more time is she asking for?<p>It may look unfair but I would proceed with the divorce. I think you have provided more than enough time. Again, I agree with the advice that others in this forum have provided.
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by david87: <strong>Tomaz & Jabber, Thats all it is. If he were a successful man, there would be no second thoughts.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Please dont let her lead you on any more - hasnt she hurt you enough? Dont let her indecision be a factor in your happiness.
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One of the happiest days of my life is when I pulled the brakes on my roller coaster of a life and told my wife I was getting off this ride with or without her. You know, there are a lot of other rides in the park. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Raysofhope: <strong>One of the happiest days of my life is when I pulled the brakes on my roller coaster of a life and told my wife I was getting off this ride with or without her. You know, there are a lot of other rides in the park. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>You got that right, especially rides that won't make you throw up when you ride them. My xWW multiple A's had me on a rollercoaster ride that would make anything Six Flags Magic Mountain has feel like a kiddie ride [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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So true. Way too much pain for way toooooo long. I guess when I think about it. I have not really lived for 2 years now, just surviving and holding on.<p>The marathon is over, I feel like I lost, but maybe God has better things in store for me than marriage with my W. You know he sees beyond the horizon, and maybe , even if she came back, there would just be more lies , cheating and pain.<p>I'm finally ready. I did all I could do, and I paid for all of my sins and my contribution to the D a hundred times over.<p>I know she will regret this, and I always thought I would save her from herself, but sometimes that's not possible.
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Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to help me out. I really appreciate all of the good advice , and although I feel I lost a two year fight for my marriage, It's a comfort to know fellow MB folks agree it's time for the D.
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One more thing, I guess it's a guy thing but I just feel like the lowlife has beaten me. He has destroyed may family, and taken the girls mother away from them. Maybe she will see all of this someday for what it is. A tragedy.
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Hey, Jesus Christ was killed by the low lifes and he never felt that they had beaten him. If you haven't noticed, he is in better shape now than he was then. <p>You can only be beaten if you give up. If you never give up, you will always be a winner. <p>Keep a proper prospective, tomorrow will be better. July will be better than June, and August better than July. You will make it. Don't let them get to you. OK? <p>SS
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David, there are reasons why things happen the way they do. You will survive and come out a better person. Focus on yourself and your children. Learn to live again. There are wonderful women out there without emotional baggage who believe in fidelity and commitment. Set your standards high and you will establish a relationship with that special woman. The best revenge is to be happy.
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