I have neaver done this before. I have a long story mabie some males could help me out with this. I am very madley in love with my H. but I think im losing the battle I have been with my husband for 10 years married for 2 we lived toghter for 7 before we married the last year has been pure hell I think he is going threw a 1/4 life crises first he cuts off all his hair then he sells his favorite truck to buy a jeep. We have neaver done anything apart from each other he was a pretty awsom person. Then all of a sudden he starts a guys night out thing which is ok. who wants to stay home with thier wife for 24hrs a day? I dident think this would turn up to be a nightmare. one day last year my husband goes out for a (guys night out) he dosnt come home untill the next morning at 11 I was in shock. I stayed up all night long worried . (my H is not a drinker) well he decided to take ecstasy. I lost it ! I told my H the only thing I ever aske is that he does not do drugs,cheat,or lie. Then he started to go out 4 out of 7 nights of the week with his new friends mean while im still trying to understand what im doing wrong he wont invite me with him . he says I wont have fun but I didnt care .I new I was losing my H 5 mths go by he says he does not know what he wants . thats all he kept saying to me . I asked if we could go to therapy he said it would not help him.So I know he is lost I left him for 2 wks I had a nervious breakdown and I came home. We had a great christmas trying to work on us then it started all over again my H left me in Feb. He moved into his drug dealers house (female) He has slept with her but I forgive him now he is into coke. He deals drugs I got tired of hearing from his friends on how he is killing him self so I moved out I have been gone for two weeks now this is not my H he has neaver done anything like this before I know he is sick and lost he says he is not addicted any more he just does not know what to do . he called me at 4am last week to see what I was doing ! ok men how do i get him to wake up? how do I get back my beautiful husband . I need help on this please!

Copeing,<p>Go to alanon. Harley says that it is impossible to work on the marriage with an addicted partner until the addiction is taken care of.<p>Alanon should help you to be able to deal with the pain you are experiencing. There will be other women there who have also lost their husband to an addiction and will understand.

Thank you for your help. I thought Alanon was for families and friends of alcoholics I did not know it was for drugs also. I feel like I am running out of time this has been going on for a year and i can not let go i just found out that he is living in my old home I spoke to him this am and he says he cleaning up the house because my cent is on everything part of me wants to go home I live with my sister 2hrs away but i know the right thing is to stay here he still calls it (our home) but this was his decision to leave not mine I just dont know what to say or do when he calls again .

LostinPalmBeach,<p>There is no way to work on a marriage when alcohol/ drugs are involved. The addictions must be dealt with first. But, he has to want it, not just you. I feel your pain & dispair. My WH is doing crazy stuff too like your H.<p>alanon is for problems with alcohol but in certain meetings there is talk of other substances. The devasting results are the same, so go anyway. You can also attend open AA meetings & that can be extremely helpful.<p>If drugs like you mentioned are involved, protect yourself. Do you have kids? Don't beleive a word that he says for now. They can sucker you so bad if you let them. It's easy, Ive been there. Learn how to detatch with love. <p>This is the 3rd time for my WH. The 2nd time he went to rehab. For a while afterwards, he was ok, but gradually slipped back.<p>I too am in Florida, but further north.<p>BrambleRose posts and looks at the GQII board, and has a lot of good alanon to share coupled with MB information. <p>God Bless,<p>D.

Dear Lost in PB:<p>I truly feel for you. You must feel so helpless about the situation.<p>I think your H needs to hit rock bottom before he can realize that his behaviour is so destructable. You might have to try some tough love, at least for yourself so you will not be pulled down in this.<p>And when he gets to the end of his rope and reaches out for help, then you can be there for him. Read in this forum about Plan A, and Plan B. I am just starting Plan B this week for the second time, it is hard. My Ex is lost also. He says he is miserable and he started smoking for the first time at age 37. I miss the old husband I used to have. I am in Palm Beach also.<p>I believe prayer is really important. Focus on healing yourself, there are lots of support groups here for Separating/Divorce, which has been a blessing for me. Call Palm Beach Community college and ask about the "Crossroads program". It is free and really helps women who are separated or divorced. Also "Divorce Care" in several churches like Christ Fellowship in WP or Boca Community church. You need a lot of friends and support. This is such a tough time.<p>My prayers are with you...
Kim...

Thank you both so much. some how I dont feel so alone this morning. I dont know what is worse,
going back home to see what he is doing and trying to talk to him? ( right now I know it wont do me any good) or staying away and wondering, (did I try this?) (did I try that) (what if ? )
you would think I would be tired of this already
all the pain , all the hurt, I think I have cried every day for the past 6 months I already forgave him for what he has done to me and my mind. I think that what hurts the most I am willing to forgive and forget(even tho I know it will be rough) and move forward with him.
again thank you so much.(Just had my morning cry)