How do I leave an unhappy marriage when I have no reason to be unhappy? How do I make a move that will cause so much pain to everyone around me just so I can be happy? How do I act so selfishly and leave my wonderful husband just because I am an unhappy woman? He has done nothing to make me unhappy... he is wonderful and deserves someone 10 times better than me... how do I break this wonderful man's heart for my own happiness?

SwtPea -
You sound very remorseful at the very thought of leaving the unhappy marriage. I do not know the back ground, but feel if you are so remorseful, might as well try and rebuild the marriage. That is what this site is all about. Please introspect and try and do your best, I am sure your effrots will not be wasted. There are many of us WS on this site like me. I too feel my BS Wife deserves many times more than what I have given her. Every one can redeem his or her mistakes. After all we are human. As long as we have the sincerity of purpose to amend our mistakes. Wish you all the best.
ASH
WS-53
BS-51.
26 Years of Marriage.
D-25 & S-22. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

swtpea,<p>Might I recommend a book called "Marriage Sabbaticals". I think it's a great concept for a wife who has fallen out of love with their husband and there isn't another man in waiting. Basically it talks about separating from your husband and family (physically and mentally) for a period of time...take a break from the stresses and responsibilities of marriage and to take time to develop yourself as an individual. In time, hopefully you will see things again in your husband that you never saw before after missing him and family life. Plus you will be replenished from the time away and stronger to continue in a marriage that you may now appreciate even more. I wish I could have read this book before my husband found another man that she left me for. I really think sometimes you need to be step back away from something and take some time to get a better perspective on what you have. It might be worth a read.

SwtPea,<p>I think I hear pleas for help from someone suffering from depression. Depression is an insidious monster, it takes your over slowly, with no noise and you don't even know what's happened. <p>It makes you feel worthless, like nobody loves you or that you aren't worthy of that love, leaves you unhappy "with no reason" as you said. I think you should call your doctor first thing this morning and make an appointment as soon as possible to discuss anti-depressant medication. <p>Being depressed is nothing to be ashamed of. It is an actual chemical imbalance in your body, just like diabetes. Medication can save your life. It saved mine...I would have killed myself eight years ago if I hadn't gotten help from medication and a wonderful psychiatrist.<p>Please do this.

Swtpea - <p>Please read the General Welcome post on the opening page of the discussion forum and try to read all you can about marriage on this site. The book His Needs Her Needs by Harley is also another must read. <p>I wish I would have known about this info. sooner or my marriage could have been saved. <p>I know that you feel like things are hopeless and that you wannot have the marriage that you desire, however, through Marriage Builders you can have the marriage that you've always dreamed of!<p>Lots of people have followed the steps here and will tell you that they never dreamed that they could be this happy in their marriage.<p>All marriages get in a funk and luckily you've identified that your marriage needs some help - that's great! <p>This is the time to do some reading and possibly some counseling whether individual or joint to help you look at you life and get it back n track.<p>Some other good books are: How One of You Can Bring The Two of You Together; Your Marriage at Midlife; The Five Languages of Love; Any book by Gary Smalley or Willard Harley or Susan Page.<p>Don't think of this moment as an ending, but as a new beginning. <p>Give it a try.... divorce will always be there waiting for you - but why do it if you can have the life you want without it?<p>Good luck. K

I think you should listen to all of these people's advice... Only you can make yourself happy... the marriage is inconsequential to that... <p>I always figure, if you had to choose between one person being unhappy, and two people being unhappy, pick the one person option... but ideally... go for two people being happy... it's much better that way [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>(BTW the - 's/he deserves someone 10 times better than me' thing *really* irks me... when you say that, you are devaluing yourself... and the other person. If you *truly* believe that the person is 10 times better than you, then you should be having a freaking high self esteem that such a great catch is taking interest in you... enjoy it, thrive and give back)