There has been an ongoing debate between myself and the man I have been seeing. He pays a whopping amount of alimony every week to his ex; the alimony is not rehabilative,but perm. I say he could take the issue back to court and have it removed. The ex never worked, but holds a college degree in education and has a teaching certificate. There are no young children...the marriage lasted 16 years...the ex is still in her early 40's and is in good health...the marriage ended due to an affair...hers. He says there is nothing he can do since he agreed to it four years ago. <p>Personally, I have never heard of perm alimony in NJ. At the time of my divorce, I was told I was too educated and young to get alimony...I should be making $60K. I wasn't at the time...working part time...the courts could have cared less. <p>Does anyone here have to pay perm alimony or do you know of people who do?
Thanks.

I'm filing in NJ, but was told alimony wasn't even an issue unless children were young (rehabilitative) or it was a long term marriage - say 50-60 year old spouse.
I only know of really old people (now retired) who have had to pay for life.
Did he have a bad lawyer?
LOL - My H filed for alimony from me.

Apparently, he had a horrible lawyer. I have never heard of anyone getting perm alimony. His kids are 18 and 14 and despite the huge amount he pays in alimony and cs, his ex wants to take him back to court to pay for the older child's college. I sit back in amazement because my ex pleaded guilty to assault...a domestic violence issue and he still wound up with the cars, the house...I'm still waiting on him paying me the rest of the settlement...I remember when the judge told me I should be making $60K...I wanted to ask him to hire me. Anyway, this dating stuff is sure difficult...so many issues to deal with that were not present the first time.

Are you in Warren County? or were you when your case came up? I've heard horrible things about a female judge there. For example, she didn't believe in domestic violence unless there were severe physical signs & police were called.
I'm in hunterdon and hoping for a good judge.<p>Your BF has to revisit the alimony issue. He's probably afraid to face his X. OTOH, I also hope that my H will contribute for college, don't you?

No, I'm not in Warren County...I'm down south. It would be nice if my ex contributed to college...but I had to have his wages garnished to get him to pay the child support. He pays support and nothing else. Any expenses incurred by the kids I pay for...medical, the orthodonist, etc. I suppose I could haul my ex into court over everything, but who has the time when you are working full time, taking care of a house, and running two kids around. I know that I will have to if I ever want the rest of what he owes me. My ex's philosophy is that everything was his, including me. He fought me on everything...because he honestly believes that as the husband, it is his right to have everything...never mind I worked the entire time and contributed to what we had. He feels that that since a divorce is what I wanted...I should be satisfied with that. <p>Anyway, I was curious to know if anyone else had to pay their ex's legal fees, all marital debt, perm alimony and cs and half of all expenses incurred by the kids? I have seen his ex call him a half a dozen times over a $10 co-payment for a doctor's visit. I should have had her lawyer.

HappyMac,
I would think he could revisit the issue. In Ohio, you can revisit the child support every three years. Some guy I know said he just had his revisited and he has been divorced for 10 yrs. He said nothing changed.<p>I have been think about redoing mine because the cs I receive is based upon my x's part time income from 1998.<p>My x kept hinting about seeking alimony. My lawyer said he did not see anyway she would get it because she was employed and could get full time employment.<p>It sure seems out of wack for her to receive permanent alimony though. <p>Maybe he can get a free consulation on this.

I'm in Warren County (yes the female judge). I settled out of court with my ex because she said she would be inclined to give him some type of alimony. My attorney told me the only way I could change the agreement (that I willingly signed) was to have a change of circumstance. That would be like losing my job or something similar. No way could I just go into court and say -- I made a bad decision and now want to change it. <p>Your boyfriend should have never agreed to permanent alimony. My ex would have received at best a few years of term alimony which is what i settled on. My ex also have very limited visitation with our two young daughters but that didn't make any different to the judge.<p>Good Luck,
Curious

Why not call an attorney and ask? Anything can be changed...an attorney pay charge him $150.00 for a consultation, or may answer his question over the phone, but I agree with you, I think it can be changed.<p>Take care and good luck,<p>ANNA

Hi, I've started the divorce process in NJ (although I've since had it dismissed). There is legal precendence in New Jersey for permanent alimony for marriages over 10 years long.<p>Do a search - the Star Ledger had an article about a court decision just a few years back regarding this.<p>My attorney, and several other attornies that I interviewed told me that I had very strong grounds for permanent alimony, except for the fact that I was only 32. <p>It has nothing to do with her education, or if the kids are small (thats what child support is for). The attitude (as I understand it) is that a woman who has given up a major portion of her life to devote it to the family and support of her spouses career to the detriment of her own has the right to receive some of the "fruits" of the career that she helped develop for her spouse. <p>His career becomes a shared asset.<p>In otherwords, she has taken the burden of childrearing off of her spouse so that he isi completely free to pursue his career. He doesn't have to say to his boss: Sorry, can't work late, gotta get the kids from daycare. He doesn't have to call his boss and say: Sorry, today is my turn to take the kids when they are sick and cant go to daycare. And he doesn't have to say: No, can't take that business trip, it won't work with my wife's schedule and the kids.<p>He is free to put everything he has got into a career, while her own personal career suffers - for the gain of the family.<p>Why shouldn't she be given alimony - its her money too.

BR,<p>I do see your point, but what about this point...
Which btw, I bet the courts don't even look at unfortunately...but here goes...<p>She cheated, she decided to end her marriage, her family, and her vested interest in the marriage...why should she get a dime?<p>ANNA<p>[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Thanks to everyone who responded. BR...I see your point too, but in this case, her desire to not work was not because she wanted to take care of the kids...it was because she didn't want to work. She was only 39 when they divorced and never had a full time job. She pretty much stayed home even when there wasn't kids...it wasn't like she worked to help put him through school or postponed her career. I have heard his daughter talk about how her dad was the one who took her to practice...her games, to the doctors, etc. The mom apparently, believes she is above the rest of us and that her ex should pay for the rest of his days for the privledge of being married to her. I was married 16 years as well, did put my career on hold for my ex to take care of the kids and I was told I could get nothing. I was too educated and too young. I suppose it depends on the judge.