My wife laid it out tonight; I hope to find safe friends here to talk to.<P>Here's the skinny: we're both smart and friendly, been married 22 years, have 3 kids. There's been no infidelity and we're being open and honest with each other. Two weeks ago she discovered gay.com and has made lez/bi friends there. Tonight she told me that she has awakened and found true happiness for the first time since teenage years; she's never felt so emotionally close; although she's been working really hard, she has never been able enjoy sex without being mentally "elsewhere". We briefly separated 14 years ago when she became dissatisfied with our marriage. We both learned a lot through counseling and self-examination then. (Looking back now, though, we were too lazy/dumb to work through the long term problems in our relationship.)<P>I'm here to express my feelings without calling up personal and shared friends. Part of me will do ANYTHING to avoid breaking up a "good" marriage and family; but I can sense that's a combination of an old tape playing (my mother?) and an intense fear of losing the main emotional need she has met for me: providing a stable, secure home (also just like mom - sheesh).<P>I do feel much better tonight since she told me what's going on; my fears were running wild when I was in the dark. We're not through yet; we rationally discussed where things might go, and that if we (really she) decides to give the marriage another go, then we'll definitely pay better attention to the kinds of things I've read on this site earlier today. And to address together her sexual issues (which are apparently a big deal to her - me, I've been pretty satisfied!)<P>I'm definitely rambling on here (and I've barely said anything!) After the shock I went through 14 years ago, I'm wondering: will I get any sleep tonight? How will I react tomorrow and as this plays out over the next few weeks? Will I be able to get any real work done? Sheesh.

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>