I have posted on here before.......<p>In a nutshell, I am divorced about 8 months now separated a year......but my ex and I still love each other. At least we both say so.....<p>We have tried over the year to see if we could get back together. Recently, we have been dating again. I look at things differently. If we both feel this love, why don't we just get back together and make it work. SHe on the other hand enjoys things as they are.....she has her weekends free away from the kids and I , and can still do as she pleases. The more time we spend togeher, I start assuming things will be different. I start to feel she won't keep dating. or that we are headed down the right path. I have seen this pattern before. I assume we are starting to get things together, then she says a few things that make me realize that things will stay like this forever. People tell me she has her cake and is eating ....so why would she want to change it? Its happenening again. I realize we are divorced. But that does not mean the pain isn't there. <p>I discovered that last night she took a recent bed buddy with her to her work function. In fact, he spent the night. Am I a total idiot? Does she trully feel this is ok? Doesn't she realize this can only hurt our chances?<p>I am trying to see things from her perspective.....but having a hard time right now..........I feel like storming over there and telling her how hurt I am.....but I realize something right now......I can not casually date her. It has to be a total commitment to try. I just can't handle it. Does that mean I have issues? would love to hear some opinions....I feel my walls are caving in.......... <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

I can really feel for you right now. My H doesnt say he loves me but wants to be my best friend, tells me how wonderful I am and makes excuses to come in my house. I am still in love with him and miss the way he used to be before he had an A. He tells me how miserable he is now but doesnt want to come back to the marriage also.<p>Have you tried Plan B? I am trying to enforce that but I have a soft heart and is hard. I think you would have to tell your Ex exactly what you expect from her and if she can't comply then you need to get her out of your life and focus on yourself. It will tear you apart going back and forth like that. Basically, she should give 100% to work on the marriage or not at all. <p>She says she loves you, that is not love. I pray that God bless you, give you strength and direction, and know that you are much loved and God has a plan for your life.<p>God bless,
Kim...

It's really hard to give up when you feel like there is a thread of hope, when you love someone. I suppose , well, I know people do change, but it has been my experience that the longer a person continues in a pattern, the harder it is for them to break it. I would never tell you what to do, as this is your life and you have to live with your decision. But this is what I would do....I would get on with my life, the way I wanted it and if she follows great, if not...do you want to live like this forever? Sometimes we are really afraid to look reality in the face and challenge it, but to me at least, that's what it comes down to.
May God bless you on you journey

thanks,<p>It sure is hard..........had a long day...kept busy so that helps......I have decide to move on with out her..........I know I can not live like this..it isn't fair to me.........and I end up angry,,,and take it out on everyone........one day at a time..........I want to be happy .......just find it difficult to imagine life with out her..........

I can tell you it is very normal to miss an ex. That is why it is advised to wait at least one year before getting into a serious relationship. One needs to get rid of any lingering emotional attachment. The good news is that you will survive and will be able to move on and not miss your ex. The important thing is to DETACH from the ex. Communicate only if it concerns the kids. Don't date,get together or speak on the phone. Keep everything on a business level.
Go out and socialize with friends when you have the urge to contact your wife. Don't get into anything serious but go out and date and have a good time.

You were given good advise from Tomaz. Look your ex wife enjoys the situation she is in. She divorced you and knows she has you still loving her and wishing to be back together. Meanwhile she has bed buddies as you stated when she wants to engage in sex. I am sorry hurting but you are in denial. She has moved on and is clearly enjoying her life while you are absolutely miserable. What does that tell you? Move on or you will be miserable. She has lovers and you have pain while she allows you to be nice to her.
Please get into therapy and move on. You were a full person before you met her and will be again.
Don't waste your time because clearly she has moved on. I wish you luck.

I'm in the exact situation you are right now. My recent posts are "Is it my turn to hurt." We are not divorced yet and she tells me she isn't sleeping with anyone, but I feel your pain. We go to a counseling session on Thurs, hopefully that will be a turning point one way or another. On the weekends that I have my kids, it drives me nuts wondering what she is doing, who she's with, etc. You are not alone, take one day at a time, and like everyone says, it will get better with time. Good luck,<p>J