She left last October telling me she was not emotionally connected to me. She made the divorce ugly because she was greedy and angry. She did not want to negotiate so she made me sell my dream home. She said nasty things about me in court and obtained the majority of time with our daughter. She is raking me over the coals financially with her attorney. She had an affair.<p>During her affair she realized that she wants to be with me and be a family again.<p>How could I ever trust her again? Why would I ever want to get back together with someone that has caused me so much pain? Maybe time will heal the hurt.<p>Right now, I say she made her decision to break up the family so she can live with the consequences.

Hi DD, I'm curious, is she showing any remorse, repentance or sorrow over what happened, what's the scoop? Does she have some plan of counseling or something?

Do you still love her?<p>The trust is something that you both would have to work out over time, I don't think you can ever rebuild it to 100% but maybe 90 or 95%, I don't think that you should have blind trust in a relationship anyway.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Why would I ever want to get back together with someone that has caused me so much
pain? <hr></blockquote> Only you can decide this... but if you are asking this, I believe somewhere down inside you are considering it as an option...<p>The way I looked at it was if I went through a year of hell, which i did, but we can have 40 years of great marriage ahead of us, then it was worth it.<p>I don't know you entire story so it hard to make any opinions but again this needs to be your decision, regardless of what your family, friends, etc think you should do.<p>Best of luck,
Dave

If you can reconcile, you should. That's what MB is really all about. Divorce brings a lifetime of disappointment and pain. It gets easier over time, but even years later holidays and special occasions always seem to bring about awkward situations with the revised families trying to cooperate.<p>I have held on through two years of pain (WS is still having an A) and still now even though I finally filed in April, there is still a part of me that would at least consider a genuine proposal to reconcile.<p>Depends on how sincere WS really is. If it's real, then give it a chance as soon as you can calm down enough to consider it. <p>Yes you can trust again but it will take time, your W is fallable, she made a major mistake and broke her vows. But let him who has no sin cast the first stone..... I assume you are putting down your stone. <p>You are not perfect, I am not perfect and we will be forgiven in the same measure as we forgive others ; including the WS.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Doodle's Daddy:
<strong> Why would I ever want to get back together with someone that has caused me so much pain? </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Why indeed?<p>Are you asking for our opinion, or only venting?<p>"Maybe time will heal the hurt...." sounds like you are entertaining the idea a little. Sounds like you still have some love for her somewhere deep inside of you.<p>Yes, much has been torn apart in your lives and hearts. ONLY YOU know if you are able to fogive, put it behind you and forge a new life together past this.<p>It WILL be hard work. Are you both willing to work that hard? Have you asked each other these hard questions? I think that's the place to start. HOW MUCH is she willing to do to help rebuild what she has (almost unilaterally) torn down?<p>Keep us posted. Believe it or not, a story like yours gives us all hope.<p>God Bless & my prayers to you for your future,

How do you think Doodle would answer your question about getting back together, DD?<p>No, I don't suppose you could ever fully trust your wife again, but I think a lot of trust could be regained. And love isn't conditioned on trust anyway.<p>Still, as much as I would love for my wife to decide she wanted me to be her husband again, I would not want her to move back in with me until we had a plan in place both to rebuild trust and to address the issues that led to the breakup in the first place.<p>If she just wanted to go back to the way it was before, I'd say "no way". Like you said elsewhere, "My standards are higher." (Not so much my standards for what I expect in a relationship, but my standards about the kind of unhealthy behavior that I am willing to enable.)