my husband wants to file for divorce, and i don't. i would rather file for Seperation, but ONLY because i feel i need to protect myself legally, and i think that's the only way he would legally have to pay me child/spousal support. i do not want to get divorced.. i don't even want to seperate.<p>in my state (NC) you have to be seperated a year before you can file for divorce. but i will be leaving here in less than a month, and he will most likely be leaving in approx. 2 months. (he is in the Army and is getting out in August). so filing for divorce in NC is out. the lawyer i talked to said that i could go the local Child Support Enforcement Agency to try to get support, but that they probably wouldn't give me any since H and i are still living together.<p>i am moving in with my parents because i will be having a baby very soon and i need support (mental/emotional, not financial, although i do need that too) and he is not able to give me that support right now. i am not leaving him, i just need to get away from it all right now. but he told me last night that he finally decided he wants to be with his OW and not me (see my other post for more info).<p>part of me wants to go through with the divorce and just let him go. the other part wants to just leave, but leave all the legal stuff up to him. if he really wants a divorce, he can pursue it himself. i don't want it, and i don't want to make it any easier for him. a seperation agreement would be acceptable, but we don't have the several hundred dollars it would cost to get one written up. so my main question out of this long rambling post is that if he and i were to write our own Seperation Agreement, would be it binding? <p>we are able to talk and communicate farily well, so i know we wouldn't have any problems deciding on support and child visitation issues and all that. i just wanted to know if we would be better off to get the Seperation Agreement done by a lawyer, or not.<p>thanks.<p>
- allison

other issue i totally forgot in my first post: how much support should i ask for from him? from what i have seen online, $500 seems to be average for 2 kids. and since i will be living with my parents, i won't need any more than that, at first. but i do want spousal support from him because it is going to take me quite a while before i can get a job decent enough to be able to support myself and my kids. i don't want to live at my parents for very long; i will go insane.<p>
thanks.<p>
- allison

DV,<p>If you go to state that you are looking to be divorced in on line they usually have a site for the State Bar and like in my state there is a calculation that they use to figure out how much support you are due. I will get $905 for 2 kids. My kids also had to be state residents for 6 months before WH could file. Each state is different I am sure. The divorce also had to be filed where the kids lived.<p>You say he is Army, you should be able to go to his 1st shirt, if you live on Post they can usually move him into a dorm and let you and the kids stay in the house. The 1st shir should also help you to get some support while seperated.<p>Just some of the things that I have learned the last 18months, hope that some of the info is useful. My WH is active duty AF.<p>Take care, keep posting here or over on the GQII board.<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I filed because my X wanted to be with MOW, told me if I didnt he would file against me. there was something in AL about the person leaving the home, you could get them for abandonment? check into your state before leaving. didnt know this until he was claiming that I threw him out. they have a scale for child support payments each state is different mine for one is $490. spousal support is different for ea state, mine is 9 months $333 this is AL which is a low paying state. military- if you have been married for 10 yrs & he retires you can get part of his military retirement, it is divided as property. you will not get medical if you have been married under 20yrs. your children will. I hope you keep trying to save your marriage there is hope. I now know that X was not going to file for D if I didnt, he didnt want his family to know that he was leaving his wife & son over another mans wife. now he can sit back & tell people that I kicked him out & D him. I would have done things a whole lot different if I had just given it a little longer time for us to work it out. Listen to your heart not your friends.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. <p>I was also pregnant when my WH, now ExH left me for the OW. <p>From experience I can tell you that with all those pregnancy hormones and your WH leaving you, it is REALLY hard to think clearly, so please go see a lawyer before you do anything. THe biggest fear that I have for you is that you will let your WH take advantage of you. It's hard not to let them. You want to trust the father of your baby and the hormones make you feel close to him even if you are not. And believe me - you think that you can just work things out with him, but the reality is, he will be looking out for himself only - and now you have to think about not only you, but your child. Make sure you protect yourself for the baby's sake at least.<p>Your WH wants a quick and easy way out. But I'd see a lawyer and find out your rights about everything. Then let WH file if you don't want to. Read the info. on this site and learn that A's usually die within 6months and with a baby on the way when the A dies, WH may want to return. Just don't make any major life changing decisions until you really have to. The WS is always in a rush, but don't you be.<p>Take care of yoruself, remember to eat right, get plenty of sleep, take your vitamins - it's hard I know right now, but it's for the baby.<p>And get some help from the legal system. It's confusing and you don't want to get taken advantage of simply because you don't know your rights and are tryign to be nice to your WH.<p>K