After my counseling session with MB, they suggested I write this letter to H. <p>I sure hope i'm doing the right thing. Any bets on how/if he will react? Any suggestions? I'm feeling EXTREEMLY vulnerable right now. I can't belive i've put myself on the emotional like again for him. I sure hope he responds positivly.
Well, at least it will tell me whether or not this MB stuff works, or whether H was right and I really AM an idiot! lol <p>Richard,<p>I understand that you are anxious to see the kids. They are anxious to see you too.<p>I suggest that we meet somewhere, say a park or something for some time (say an hour) on the weekends so you can spend some personal time with the kids. We can start with this and see how it goes. Even separated or Divorced, I'm willing to spend as much time as we can both afford from our businesses as long as we can do it with mutual respect and thoughtfulness towards each other and the children. I was surprised when you mentioned "kids" (plural) in your emails. You seem honestly as anxious to spend some time with Corwin also. I can arrange for more time for Corwin and you during the week if you would like. I'm sure Corwin would enjoy the break and might give you two a chance to form a relationship that doesn't have me in the way. <p>I also understand that you have said that you want nothing more to do with our personal relationship and our business relationship. I understand that you have in the past said things like this but claimed that you didn't mean them. <p>Since you have not written me about how you feel about us since you have calmed down - I am not sure what you want. I am at this point, assuming that the above statements you made are true and accurate, that you want nothing more to do with a personal relationship or a business relationship. I am dealing with these statements to the best of my ability. <p>Assuming they are not true:<p>If they are not your true feelings, what is your plan to save our relationship? I'm open to hearing your plan and have one to offer of my own if you are interested.<p>I suggest that we need to agree to starting a different set of rules for our relationship. I don't think that hashing over every past problem is the key here. I don't want to dredge up old wounds and pains, I want to move FORWARD. Our past set of rules for each other has not made us mutually happy. In order for us to be together and love each other, we need to find a path that will make us mutually happy. This has to be a plan that creates new habits, allows us to be caring and thoughtful of each other. To do this, we need to be mutually aware of what makes us happy and unhappy. I see the Love Buster's and Emotional needs questionnaire as one method (certainly not the only one) of achieving that. This would also give us something concrete to draw from when we are unsure of how to act with the other person.<p>Because of the relationship we have had in the past, these changes will probably not be instinctive or come naturally. It will be difficult to make changes that are "not who we are" right now. I am willing to work on making myself the best Herzy I can be for you. Avoiding the things that majorly upset you (Love busters) and putting my efforts towards the actions that would make you most in love with me (Emotional Needs).<p>We will have to agree on a mutual path of protection, care, time and honesty. We need to take each others feelings into consideration with our behavior. <p>I do want a mutually caring relationship with you. One where you feel loved and cherished and appreciated and I do too. <p>I understand that we are now separated. This may be best while we work things out. I honestly don't know if you are happy with this arrangement and glad to be shut of me, the business and the kids, sad things didn't work out, wanting to try to stay together for Haiku's sake, wanting to stay together for Corwin's Sale, wanting to try to stay together for our sake, a combination of the above, none of the above or what.<p>I would love it if we could come to some sort of agreement that would work out for both of us. I would love to know what your love busters are and what your real emotional needs are! Even if we never live together again, it would be nice to know how not to unduly upset each other, and to make each other as happy as possible for the sake of the kids. <p>I'll forward you something I read on the "cost of divorce" - an interesting read, and one that I feel suggests that together or apart, we make the best effort we can to not hurt each other needlessly. I think you will find this particularly interesting because it deals with money.<p>I'm looking forward to getting on a plan that is about mutual thoughtfulness. Can you agree with the basic concepts of the marriage builders? I will attach the letter I sent to you before. Please read it carefully. There a no hidden messages or assumptions, no hidden agendas. I spoke from my heart about everything in the letter.<p>Please contact me when you would like to give this plan a try. If you have a better plan, I'm all for that too.<p>love, <p>L
