Just a cut & paste of what I wrote to Fish on the emotional needs board. Kind of an update of my own situation.<p>Hi Fish. Can I join your club? I think you & I have been on here about the same amount of time, since about last May 2001. I remember asking for prayers so my H would get new job or something & how I couldn't let him go. My user name was 'cantletgo' until I changed it last week.<p>I am in the same boat as you and there is no alcohol involved!!! No drugs either. Though I am
convinced there is a serious kink in my H's brain chemistry. Its the only explanation for his behaviour over the last year. I've been going over in my mind everything he has said & how he has treated me since last year. There has NEVER been one ounce of effort on his part to even consider what our marriage might need to work!! He once told me "I AM giving you a chance. . . a chance to get used to the idea that I am leaving"!!! I have been in denial for a year I guess. HE'S the one who had/is having an affair with the same woman (ugly hag) since last May. He denies it adamently, and gives all sorts of reasons blaming ME, to different people we know, who were on their own telling him to work it out!<p>I had made up my mind after our 10th Anniversary passed a few weeks ago. He said/did nothing.
I got him a card & he casually tossed it aside. Then he lied about staying out of town one more
day for work & I found his truck here in our town at OW's place at 10:30 PM. Then I walked into
the house the other day & heard him talking low & almost babyish to someone & I am pretty certain it was OW. I am done.<p>But it hurts so much still. I cant let go of the "what ifs" if I had done this, he might have done
that. . . But just last night I tried making polite conversation with him and he carried on like I wasn't even in the room!! More than once. He didnt even look at me! Turned his back & did
something else. I asked "Did you hear me? (politely) and all he did was grunt or shake head yes. Said nothing! How can he be so cold and callous? He made up his mind to have nothing to do
with me quite a while ago it seems, and NEVER backed down from that. This 4 months he has
been returned home, it was the same. No changes or personal interaction from him. Just criticism & how dare I spy on him or question him etc. And "how could I not trust him" Well, DUH! Caught in so many lies!!<p>I am angry & upset & so hurt. But there is no resolution for me. Well, he has said he's finding
apartment & moving out, but it hasn't happened yet. I dont think he has ANY idea how he has
caused such utter devastation in my life. Nor does he seem to care. I could try a Plan B letter, but there doesnt seem to be a point. He wouldnt listen to my hurt or what I know for sure, and there has been NO indication from him for any even smallest change. So I certainly don't see him showing me his cell phone bill/credit card statements or showing me it ended forever with OW. I guess he just chooses not to end it. Has in his mind that she is so much better than ME, so much so that he'll give up everything he has ever know to be with her!!?? He also totally refuses to go to counseling at all, or even read any self help/personal exploration books. <p>So I welcome you to the D/D board. I pop in here frequently and was here alot last year. But why not pop over to EN board from time to time for your OWN emotional needs and to help others who are just starting these messes that you & I have been in for at least a year.
