You are as much a part of me as my own children. This is how I feel. Do you realize what you would do to save your child? I would do these same things for you, I love you this much! To be rejected over and over by someone you love so deeply.....brings death. I die inside each time that you leave. The pain I feel when you walk away is excruciating, overbearing, so very deep...and then part of my heart goes numb because this is the only way I can cope with seeing you pull away. And thru all of this I only know that I am afraid. Afraid to live, afraid to let go, afraid to open up and allow the pain, afraid to hope. It's the worst feeling I have ever felt. I say goodbye, yet you don't die. You come back and smile or say something that brings hope to my heart, yet I can't love you. You will not allow it. Do you understand what this does to me??? Can you feel this hurt inside of me? I'm afraid that your actions will kill this love inside of me, and then there would be no possible way of me turning back again. A physical death would be much easier. You would not be rejecting me, you would just be leaving. Instead you reject me over and over and over again. Stop hurting me, stop killing the love that I have for you! Be the husband that you promised to be. Be the father that won't hurt his children anymore. We love you! <p>Sorry guys, but hubby just left to go back to his parents and I held up my head and smiled. But it hurts so much sometimes, and I cannot tell him that I feel this way. I just needed someone to read my words and understand. God bless!

No need for anyone to post a reply....I just needed to get that off of my chest....am feeling better now. Honestly, it is a relief when H leaves. No more walking on eggshells or wondering what his thoughts are, etc....Thanks for listening.

i know you said no replies were needed, but i just wanted to let you know i know exactly how you feel. my H is staying with a friend right now because my mom is staying with me, and i guess he felt uncomfortable staying here, since she knows about everything that's going between him and me..<p>i miss him so much, but at the same time i appreciate when he's gone, because when he is here i just feel so sad, knowing that i can't have him. sitting here wanting to hug him and just be with him and knowing he doesn't feel the same way kills me.<p>i know i can get through this, i just wish it didn't have to hurt so much.<p>
- allison

Glad you took the time to write down what so many of us want to say to our WHs.<p>Unfortunately, when they are in the "fog" they can't hear or understand these emotions. It's only when they get hurt themselves or somehow find their way out of the fog that they understand.<p>I still think that if I say those things to WH enough, that he would understand, but he never does and the words only make him angry.<p>Save those thoughts that you have and hopefully one dys your WH will be able read them.

Thank you both for your replies....It is nice to know that others feel the same way. That I am not just the only one going thru this. <p>It is true that they don't hear you. I didn't. I have saved all of the e-mails that my H and I wrote to each other thru all of this. I go back and read the words that he wrote to me, and I can see now that I didn't hear him. I didn't see his hurt or his pain. He fought for me, he apologized, he was as desperate as I am now. I am so ashamed of myself for not seeing it then, but I was in the fog then....now he is! I have hope that if he felt this way once, then he will feel that way again. At least it is possible! I pray anyhow! I pray that the fog doesn't keep him this time. Thank you and God bless!