I just spoke to MIL and I asked her if she knew stbx's plans for Christmas. I was going to suggest she ask him if not. She does......that he is bringing OW over her to Australia to have a holiday with the kids. She is NOT happy with this, particularly when he wants them all to play happy families at their farm, and said she is going to tell him to get accomodation elsewhere. She says they love him, but do not like what he has done, and admitted that they ought to have said more to him all along about his actions.<p>I told her the reason I left South Africa (that he had taken kids out with OW ten weeks after we separated) and also told her that it had been going on while we were not separated. She said they now realised what must have been going on, and were really angry at stbx for not facing problems and instead seeking out another woman. <p>She made the mistake of saying she had nothing against OW, and she was probably a 'nice girl'......well I then informed her that 'nice girl' had been divorced three times. She was shocked, and could not believe stbx's stupidity.<p>Some of you are going to tell me I should not have told her anything at all, but heck, I have no more incentive, desire or responsibility to protect stbx anymore.....and I have nothing to lose. <p>Nevertheless it has upset me that they are willing to allow him to bring her there for them to meet...it smacks of acceptance, but also because their daughter had an A years ago, and they would not allow her to bring her OM anywhere near them until they got engaged. I suppose they just know that no matter what they do, stbx will do whatever he wants anyway.<p>Bleh........I hate it when stuff happens.<p>Thanks for listening.

Nina, Sorry about that..but they know the truth now, maybe they will change their response to him
now that they know more of the story..and treat it the same way as they did sil..as she apparently didn't know how long he has been seeing OW..so who
knows she may not agree w/ him bringing her home now at least till they are engaged..and he can't do that until your divorce is final..wouldn't look
good in court [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Jacky,<p>Why protect him? There is no reason.<p>You did the right thing.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA

OH the ILs........<p>What can they do - it's their child, they raised him and if they say that he's doing something wrong then it looks bad on them and then they feel bad - or sometimes they feel like their child won't love them anymore if they say something to him. At least that's how my IL's are acting.<p>It was less than a year ago that I planned their only daughter's wedding....... and now they welcome OW with open arms and tell me to get over ExH and move on. Of course I'm also the bad guy because they don't get to see their new granddaughter like they want to - I've told them that they are welcome anytime, but do they call or visit? No. ExH who lives with them says that I can't come over - I told ExMIL this and she says well it's my house too and that she'd talk to ExH but I haven't heard anything.<p>They just are hoping that everything will go back to normal?!?!? This is going to haunt them for the rest of their lives - and they profess to be good Catholics - funny - I didn't know that Catholics thought it was ok to cheat on your pregnant wife, leave your family and then get divorced. <p>At least your ILs are somewhat remorseful about not saying anything and may still say somehting yet. I know it hurts, and you did the right thing by telling. I mean what have you got to lose now anyway? K

(((((Nina)))))<p>I know that it hurts to think that In laws are accepting OW. Remember when I asked my MIL if she went to XH's wedding and she said she did, that she went for him. I don't think their 'accepting' has anything to do with us, although it hurts.... I think they just feel they need to support their child, and I guess as parents people always support their children no matter what. They might not like the idea of what their child is doing but they can't make their child change, just like we can't make our spouses change to be the people we want them to be. So just believe it has nothing to do with their feelings for you. I do know it hurts though.....<p>Love and care
Pantha

Thanks everyone for the replies.<p>Somehow I do feel betrayed by the IL's, but I know blood will always be thicker than water. His mum was great, she said some very sweet things to me, and it is true that just like us, the parents can't change what they do.<p>She did make an interesting comment about how stbx has NEVER been able to take responsibility for trouble he causes, and gave me some examples from his days at school. Well, I knew that, but because the trouble he caused me was usually small things, I lived with it.<p>She did say that he was bringing OW home so the kids and her can get to know each other.......barf. I told her that I am not happy with them going on holiday with stbx AND OW, and while there was little I would be able to do about it, I would not force the kids to go if they didn't want to. She wholeheartdly agreed with me on that.<p>She also said that he has never had to deal with the pain he has caused EVERYONE by doing this.......she even said that he thinks if HE is happy, everyone else should go along with it, but that they won't.<p>So even after all those wonderful things she said, I still feel like I have lost half of MY family, and that is very sad. We can never have the same relationship we all once had because my replacement will always be there. <p>Well, what can I do. I am not fretting over anything to do with stbx right now, but the loss of his family as an integral part of my family unit. THAT is so sad.

Hey, Nina:<p>You know what I would say and the language I would use if we were on IM! That won't fly here so I will say that you have no reason to protect this loser anylonger! I know that if my IL's knew how my stbxw has behaved, they would all try to rationalize it so that they did not have to think about how she has tried to kill a good marriage. That is what they do.<p>
See you on IM,
c++