This is selfish, but I don't like the way my H put our daughter first over me. And I don't like that I don't like it. Most people would trade places with me to have such a devoted father in the house.<P>When she was a baby, both my H and I put her first. But now she's 5 and in kindergarten and I want some attention too.<P>They gang up on me. He askes for coffee so she asks for hot chocolate. And he laughs. They go to Tae Kwan Do together and play fight at home. I wanted to go too and my H said he rather his wife not spar. They take swimming lessons too. But I already know how to swim so I don't get to go.<P>She gets presents when he goes on trips. I get "Honey, I'm home. What's for dinner?" This is sooooo dumb. She's my little girl for crying out loud. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I do and it's rips me up inside.

I don't have much advice for you, but I know my H felt the same way about me and our son...My son and I have always just been on the same wave-length mentally, get the same jokes no one else gets, enjoyed working on same type projects, etc. <P>My H told me that he felt silly about it, but he felt a little jealous of son... We talked about it and realized 2 things were involved:<P>1) H did not feel very close to son and needed to build that relationship, do more father-son stuff.<P>2) H did not feel very important to me, and we needed to work on that. More date-time, more talking to each other, more putting each other first (hard when you have kids).<P>As we did those things, he quit worrying about the time/projects son and I spent together, and he and I have gotten closer.<P>Talk to him, without sounding jealous or upset...let him know you want more time with him. Good luck...<P>Kathi

WAIT a minute...don't let them gang up on you!! <P>So he asks for coffee and she asks for hot chocolate. You ask for what you want TOO, then you can all 3 look at each other and figure out how that's going to occur. TOGETHER, and in FUN. You are NOT their maid!!<P>Who says you can't take martial arts or swimming lessons? And if you don't want to take the actual lessons, you're certainly allowed to watch!<P>Get your little angel out and do some mother/daughter things with her. And slowly pull H back to you by fulfilling his emotional needs--sounds to me like a bit of transference to your daughter by him has occurred, with recreational activities.<P>Next time there is a trip and your D gets a present, say hey, where's my momento? I've missed you too! Hold off on that dinner request, I want MY hugs...then how about we all make dinner together? I'm so happy to have my family together again....<P>You can do it!

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 07:18 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>