Hey! How are you?? I have been thinking of you and your daughter and wondering how you are doing!!! Fill me in!<p>MAX

Max,<p>I`m great.. I have so come to terms with this, but of course thats because so much time has gone by, and I am so use to it, now..<p>It is all a matter of tolerance, really.. <p>I read up on you, on the other site, all the time, but felt I have really nothing more to contribute that I know, you already know your self Max..<p>I read how well your doing, and I know how hard it all still is for you, at times.. but this too shall pass.. <p>my fortune, (but also long running unfortune) is that the OW is still married, and they are still sneaking around.. and have to of course.. so it is his crazy decissions.. and he has to live with them.. or should I say (not) because he can`t live with HER. he he he!! and he deserves all the dissappointments he gets, from it all too..<p>we are just civil, when ever we have to be around each other now, and I love the fact that I was the one who told him (twice now), while he (said) he wanted to try US again, (but never made any REAL attempt) to stop it all.. I did not need the agrication.. he was not moving back in, and the trust was all gone.. so I told him, all or nothing.. he chose nothing.. and I know that is because he now has two woman (I was his alternative, when nothing better came up to do) to run to.. both from his past, but perdue is the married one.. his other past relationship, is just a nymph.. so he has an alternative to his lacking physical side.. and he knew I wouldn`t go there, unless there was a commitment.. and I also know he has more respect for me, and did not attempt that, knowing how I am.. <p>these other two bimbo`s are just temporaries.. reguardless if it is 2, 3, 4, or even 5, yrs.. (which is about all he seems to dedicate any loyalty for)he will get his, in time.. his lonely days, have already fallen upon him, and he is in the midst of mass confusion.. when the holidays come, is when he`ll feel it most.. and thats when he came back to me,, last thanks giving.. <p>any way.. I`m rambling.. sorry max.. I can talk about this forever.. it is so pathetic, it now sickens me.. but I`m always up for listening as well.. <p>I had given you my e-mail at one time, max.. use it if you still have it..if not let me know.. ok.. I`m always up for meeting a new and good freind.. <p>take care max... and keep up YOUR good work.. we all deserve so much better.. it just takes more time, sometimes to NOT think about it all... and move on.. <p>AV

PS: I forgot to add.. my daughter.. she is doing fine too.. but also know what a jerk her dad is.. he told her, I said all or nothing, so I sat and explain, (in detail) why I did not want to be a part of his circus of woman..<p>she now knows that the one woman is for physical fun.. and the one he really wishes he could have a go with, is stringing him along, since he left me.. and she tells me (with out my questioning her) some casual things to figure out just where he stands in each relationship. <p>we live in NY, and the nymph lives in florida.. he has flwon there three times in the last yr.. and she has come here twice that I know of.. she gloats too that he chooses her, over me, now.. because he left her for me, and she moved away, in order to start a new and deal with it.. <p>any way.. my kid knows exactly what "I" think and feel.. this is a different world from when I grew up, and my daughter is so much more atune to life, (street smart) then I ever was at her age, all due to this divorce.. <p>I`m so proud of her, because she actually tries to help any one she knows that may be going through the beginning stages of this.. and knows how she felt, so she tries to help them cope, now, too.. she is so great.. I can not express it enough.. she constantly tries to have great communication with each realtionship, now that she has.. freinds, family, parents, boy freinds.. all of it.. and she is PUTTING HER SELF OUT, at times to do the best job of it too.. <p>of course that comes with being a female.. males tend to hold everything in.. so it must be hard with your two sons.. <p>any way just had to get that out.. <p>thanks for asking about me max.. you have no idea how great it feels to come here, and see some one knew me, or cared to ask.. <p>again.. take care..
AV

Glad to hear that you and your daughter are doing okay. I am so ready to be done with all of this! Can you believe that? I want to get the divorce over and be done with it. I wish more than anything that it never came to this. <p>You know? He went out of town last week and didn't tell us where he was going. He said we can reach him by cell phone. Nobody asked. My oldest said he didn't care where he went with her and didn't want to think about it. How could he not think that this would bother them just a littl bit. He is a jerk.....and I am finally realizing it.<p>Keep in touch! I think of you often.<p>MAX [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Max!!!!!!!!!<p>I have been waiting for your reply.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I`m so glad to hear your coming to terms with this.. <p>my paper work has been signed and done and sent into a judge over a yr ago, and I still have no finals in my hands.. so it all does take time.. <p>It was only two mths ago that we all went on a vacation as a family, and thats when I saw/knew there was no hope, and decided this was rediculous, and going no where.. <p>at the time my ex said, there was one more paper that needed to be notorized, and he got that done as soon as I had told him no more, after this vacation.. so I am expecting them in the mail any day now... and when I do get them.. I am going to throw a party!! I swear.. <p>it has been 3 and 3/4 yrs since he left and after two yrs, I had had it, and let go.. but "I" delayed it at all first, and now he has delayed it, with his recent indecissivness.. but hopefully now, soon I will be final.. <p>he thinks that I am now ok with everything.. (NOT) but to an extent I am.. the anger never left me, and I don`t think I can ever REALLY forgive him.. the scars are permanent, and too deep... <p>the thing I want to know max, (with out offending you), is: what are you doing for fun, for your self.. WITH OUT the boys??? anything?? you know you do need a realistic seperate life.. these boys are not getting any younger, and are going to get into a much bigger/busier social life, and then where will you be..? think about it max.. <p>The reason I ask is, I have not read once, about anything pertaining to YOU going out, and having some real fun FOR YOUR SELF, with your freinds... <p>
I also want to add that I think about you too, max.. your one of the few that I keep up on, on the other site.. I didn`t know many people.. no one seem to click with me.. and I didn`t know your addy on here.. so now I know and can follow up on you here, too.. <p>I keep looking for new freinds, my self.. but not having much success, as yet.. I ask around all the time, but most are married, or have some one, (if not married) and it is just really hard to find any single FREINDS, to hang out with.. I miss soicalizing, and mingling with adults.. <p>work is great, but then I`m back home again, surrounded by my teen D, and all her freinds.. and sometimes it seems like a rutty, viscious cycle.. <p>any way.. rambling again.. sorry!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>well see ya around max..
bfn...AV

N-<p>I am having a tough evening. H is back from his trip and he took the boys out for dinner. They were gone a whole 40 minutes. Before he picked them up we were talking of the phone about visitation for my 14 yr old. He wants to know if I am encouraging the visitation with him and the OW. I don't think there is much up in his little brain lately. NEither boy has met her yet. They do not want to either. H thinks it is because they are being loyal to me....do I tell them it's okay??? Yes I do...my youngest gets mad at me. I ask H...do you think that they just don't want to meet her because they are smart and they don't like what has been happening ?? He will never get it. Everything that has happened is my fault....the marriage, his affair, and now the fact that they don't want to be with the OW. My youngest said that he wants to visit the way he does now.....when my H calls...he will go. <p>I am so sick of all of this. He also told me not to take any more money out of the joint checking account. He's closing it...says he has another account. I paid for my prescriptions and I took a whole $40. It came to a grand total of $67. I told him he needs to give me more money. Of course, he doesn't have it....and he says he will not have enough for my car payment and said I shouldn't have bought it. Stupid me....I thought that we would be divorced by now and he paid the payment in April....gave it back to me in May and now won't pay for June. You just don't realize what my salary went for.....food, haircuts for the kids...stuff like that.....so I'll pay for the car, and we might as well not eat! The car stuff came after the kid visit. By the way...this is the same man that an hour before said he would give me $1000 to put towards our trip in July. Son has a tournament in San Diego. I don't understand it...just pay my car payment and say....that's it, I don't have to do that again (since the divorce will be sometime this month) He asked me if I thought that him paying my car was fair???? He is stupid or what? Of course it's fair. Did I say anything about the new house that he is living in with tramp?<p>I am sick of him. I don't want to talk to him anymore about anything but the kids....and that sometimes is very trying.<p>I vented a little too much.....sorry. I wish this was all over. I am feeling a lot of anger towards him. <p>MAX<p>[ June 12, 2002: Message edited by: Feeling So Alone ]</p>

Max,<p>unfortunately, and eventually the boys will have to deal with this, like it or not.. I know it hurts, and I still get the ill stomach just thinking about it all too.. but it is not going to stop, because THEY don`t want to... it is only going to keep causing friction, that may damper your mediating in the long run..<p>I have to say, I chose to go it alone, and borrow the money from my dad for my lawyer, so I was in complete control of MY OWN decissions.. and having your own lawyer, is great protection.. <p>I never delt with lawyers before, and found some one through business, that helped me out.. (I do his wifes hair for 28 yrs now, and they have two sons, no daughters, so he treated me just like his own..) it felt nice, but it all still got sticky from time to time, and still caused friction as well, from time to time.. but in the long run, (and it will be a long run) I got everything I wanted.. <p>he knew he was going to have to do certain things, and one was a car for me.. we had leased all our vehicles, before this all happened, and my lease was up and I could not afford a car on my part time salary.. AND my lawyer negotiated that it was the car or the lawyer.. well I chose paying for the lawyer, because it came to a heck of alot less.. and in the LONG RUN.. I got that back too and then some..<p>My ex made good money, and he had to fend for me for four yrs until I get my feet back on track in my job.. it takes working full time, and time is what you need to re-build a great clientell.. so he in essents still pays the mortgage, and CS, and I do the rest.. elec, cable, phone, food, insur for my car, landscaping, pool matinance, etc..<p>so I have it easy right now, but that is up soon, after 3 1/2 yrs gone already.. but we did start the procedures a yr later.. so I still have another 1 1/2 left..<p>Now that I am civil with him.. I spoke to him about hoping to stay here the two yrs left (after he finished paying the matinance, the cs still keeps going until she is done with colllege, at 21) of my daughters high school so she can grad, in the house she grew up in.. he so far makes me feel like he will abliage.. but that still remains to be seen.. <p>the thing is.. I am very against mediation. because they can all swindle you into thinking along their terms, and you are not your own person, (to an extent) and need some one who is knowledgable enough to stand behind you and help you make these nasty decissions.. so YOUR protected as well as your kids..<p>Your anger is not going away in the near future.. it took me a whole 2 yrs to come to terms with this.. sitting back, as you are and hearing and watching his (either) reactions, or non-reactions to things pertaining to our daughter, and how she took things or felt about things.. due to his lack of communication.. which is the main reason for all divorces, REALLY..<p>max.. I can not persuade you or convince you at this time, how one day his time will come, and that old saying, what goes around comes around.. will happen.. it does, and will, and I can promise you that much.. you will see.. it may nt be for a while longer, but once everything (as far as he feels and sees it go) is in place, he will see this ho for what she is.. and he WILL have regrets.. BIG TIME..MARK MY WORDS.. <p>I am now proof of that.. and every one I have come to know that is going through this, ALL!!!! tell me how thier spouse that left is now feeling the regrets too.. it is inevidable, and do you know why.. because they bring the same person they are into the next relationship, and nothing changes.. not him, and tipically not the woman either.. woman are just as set in their ways, as men, the only thing different is that we just like talking about it.. he he.. men (MORE SO THEN NOT) NEVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.. so he has not changed.. YOU`LL SEE!!!!! <p>
I gotta run.. off to work.. my late night..!<p>ttys...{{hugs Max}}
AV