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#729060 06/11/02 01:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
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Hi,

I've been posting in Plan A/B but thought I'd put this over here (since my WW is adamant that we are getting a divorce) and see what insight I might be given.

My story can be found at:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=30&t=001238

<small>[ August 20, 2002, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: aanast2 ]</small>

#729061 06/11/02 01:38 PM
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Sorry for what you are going through. Likely, you were not supposed to read it - but she wanted you to so left it out so that you would happen upon it and see what she can not tell you so you will leave her alone. If that makes sense - likely not because she is not making sense right now.<p>It is tough to read such things from a person you thought you knew. The journal of my WW read much the same but included references to GSF with other man and the not in love thing.<p>I wish I had good advice to pass along but, I was not able to save my M. Give her space, she is confused and nothing you do will make her change her mind. If I had it to do over, I probably would have tried harder to give more space maybe to the point of almost plan B while still working on me and being nice in Plan A.<p>Good luck<p>JC

#729062 06/11/02 02:07 PM
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Your wife wrote: If I were to give him a second chance, how would things be different?<p>That needs to be your focus now. How will things be different for her if she gives you a second chance?

#729063 06/11/02 02:51 PM
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I am very sorry for the pain you are dealing with...but to read your wife's diary and then post in in a public forum is awful. Her thoughts and her words were for her eyes only. I kept a journal for years and years. I would write down my dreams, story ideas, whatever...my words were never intended to be shared or made public. When I asked for a separation, my ex took my journal and read it, made copies of certain entries to show his lawyer and our children. I was mortified...that act in intself was crossing boundries that he had no right to cross. I know what my reaction was to his disregard for my privacy...by the way I wasn't hiding anything...my journal was my private escape. <p>I do understand your pain...but to read your wife's private diary...judge her words and post them...you crossed the line. Her words were not intended to be found in a public forum. If I were her, I would have a hard time forgiving someone who would do such a thing.

#729064 06/11/02 03:33 PM
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Hi A, I can identify to you wifes journal, its so identical to my wife its unreal. My WW gave me a letter or was intending giving me a letter I found with almost the same exact wording, the , I've changed, grew apart, Love you not in love with you,its my choice, want to be me,etc.....just as your W is having conflicting emotions so is mine. You are not alone, I do believe affairs are moving backwards in life not forward, she's only adding more pain to her life by getting into a relationship with OM before dealing with herself....<p>I remember posting the letter my W intended to give me not to mock or make fun of her, I posted it to show "you are not alone of whats happening to you" there was such a cry on this site for help, I felt I had some personal live insite...as you see the WS's suffer alone even though they OM/OW......Your posting tells me a lot of what is currently happening with my WW<p>This kind of stuff can be offense to others and the WS, but nobodys knows how to suffer and what to expect when you've been betrayed so many rules are broken on both side until you step back and able to see clearly of whats happening, now with the diary you have better understanding and I'm sure others will get better understanding of there WS...

#729065 06/11/02 05:40 PM
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Don't know what to say. Sorry for the part about OM & that she feels she truly loves him yada yada.<p>But the rest is so sad. Really! I think she is in the fog of course, but likely depressed for real. It looks to me like she is wrestling with her own emotions & everyones advice tugging her in all directions. She has unresolved issues with parental control etc. ANd her self esteem/confidence? way below ground. <p>If you can set your anger & hurt aside for a second & read it again. It doesnt look like the journal of a woman who is "in love" and happy skippity do da la la. She is wrestling with guilt every time she sees you and is feeling bad about the pain she has caused you and partially regrets this mistake she made. But since she perceives that everyone is against her, the pull of the OM is strong. <p>You were doing the Plan A thing? Maybe give it some more time. She was wondering how it would be if she decided to give the relationship another chance & someone above said go with that.<p>You are still very hurt & upset & angry. So would she be for having her innermost thoughts on here. It kind of wasn't a fair thing to do. Put the book back & leave it alone. What do you want? Can you forgive her discretion (notice I didnt say forget - just forgive the past action) & work on the future together IF she were willing? Have you ever asked her to go to counseling? Does she admit the affair or deny it to you?<p>Or do you just want the divorce? If not, try to express your feelings (hurt upset mad - the whole array) without a big argument or blame and see what she says.

#729066 06/11/02 08:51 PM
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aanast2,<p>My thought is that your W is clearly in angst. You must understand that she is dealing with her own pain and turmoil. What stikes me most is that she has only listyed two options, when there are really 3:
1) come back to you
2) go off with the OM
or, the option sher hasn't really considered:
3) build the kind of marriage and relationship she REALLY wants with the H she already has.<p>Really, it is total misinformation - so many people never consider this an option because they don't really know HOW to get the marriage they want with the spouse they already have.<p>Try to pinpoint what it is she is "missing" and try to fill all of her EN's, as best as you can.<p>Good Luck, RMA

#729067 06/13/02 12:24 AM
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by HappyMac:
<strong>I do understand your pain...but to read your wife's private diary...judge her words and post them...you crossed the line. Her words were not intended to be found in a public forum. If I were her, I would have a hard time forgiving someone who would do such a thing.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Now I've heard it all.<p>I'm not here to pick a fight with you, HappyMac, but are you serious?<p>Think about what aanast2's W has done with HIS privacy!!<p>Sheese.

#729068 06/13/02 12:39 AM
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I don't want to pick a fight either and I'm not. I realize that aanast2's wife had or is having an affair...that still doesn't give him the right to go into her journal/diary and read it and then post it and ask for comments on it. People go on about lovebusting...I think taking someone's journal and reading it is a major lovebuster. I understand that the BS often wants to find every shred of info on the affair, but to snoop in a journal/diary is wrong....remember what happened when Pandora's box was opened? Aside from that, two wrongs don't make a right...to think so, well, now I've heard it all.


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