Do the NCP ever stop whining about having to pay child support?<p>In a nutshell, divorced 4 years ago...I did not ask for cs because xh was to pay a $400 per mo debt from the marriage in lieu of cs. About six
months after the d, he called and asked me to pay 1/2 of the debt and in a moment of insanity, I agreed, forgetting that was why I forwent cs. The debt is paid (I paid almost half) and I sued for cs because in the four years he MIGHT have spent $300 on d. New h and I have bought clothes, housed, fed and bought everything else for her.<p>He has only paid cs for two months and he is already complaining that he can't wait until d decides she wants to live with him so he can stop paying. I told him since I was managing conservator, I would determine where she lives. <p>Geez, why do they value money over their kids???

I am about to be or soon will be getting a divorce and I stand to pay CS. I do not have a problem with paying CS, except that twoo of the children were concieved from an affair. I tried my best to make the marriage work but the wife is dead set on divorce. She says that I will not have to pay for them but I have a feeling that her lawyer will convince her otherwise. Just ewanted to say I am sorry for your perdicament.

Humble, <p>Well, that stinks. You must be in Texas, where every married man gets stuck with the offspring off his brethren when it comes to child support.<p>If you don't mind my asking, how do you know they aren't yours? DNA? If so, I don't know how they could make you pay for kids that aren't yours. (Except that I understand here in TX any child produced during the marriage is considered that of the husband, regardless.)

Well pretty simple..I had a vasectomy 8 years ago, and the W admitted to the affair. I think it is the same here in GA as far as the children being mine legally since they did get my last name. I just hope that the wife keeps here word that I will not have to pay for them in the divorce. you see my standpoint is that I agreed to raise the twins as mine for the sake of our marriage and other children. It is just that now she is the one who wants out of the relationship. She wants ot remain civil and have an amicable divorce. She keeps telling me that she has no intention on breaking me financially. I am painfully aware that I could not afford CS for 4 kids and still pay the mortgage and essentials. She even agreed to a DNA test if I wanted. I just dont know what to think anymore. I do not want this divorce but have no control over what she does.

Have you talked to an attorney? Here in Texas, child support is set up according to a formula-- 20% of your after tax pay (taxes only--not savings, insurance, etc-taxes) for one child, 25% for two, etc. <p>If you cannot afford or aren't ready to talk to an attorney, contact fathers for equal rights. I'm sure they have a chapter in Atlanta and they probably have a website.

Thanks for the info. I looked up child support guidelines in Ga and inferred that if I only have to pay for two of the four children my rane would be 25 to 28 percent. I have not seeked legal representation yet, but figure I will eventually have to cover myself. I am not in a position to ask anything of the wife. 505 custody won't happen and she indicated that she wanted full custody. I won't fight her on that as that is how I feel right now. I am really scared about my future. As far as the debt, I have an aunt that offerred to help me so i won't have to file chapter 7 or 13. I guess I am in denial mode, still cannot believe that my wife won't give us another chance. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

Dear FMD,<p>I pay child support. I don't have a problem with it if the $$$ go to benefit the child.<p>The other side of the coin. In the 10 years I was with my wife, she didn't do one thing to advance her career. She hopped from low paying job to low paying job. I offered to send her to a university to get a degree but she didn't know what she wanted to do with life. She advance her pay 18%.<p>In the meantime, I obtained a few degrees and worked very hard my career to advance myself. I tripled my income.<p>In a way I have trouble paying support because if she ever got off her behind I would be paying a lot less or nothing at all.

dd,
That's pretty much how I feel about MY ex. It's not my fault he's been in a dead-end, medium paying unskilled job for the last 20+ years and now that he has to pay cs, he's whining because he's 'broke'. It's hard to feel sorry for him when I know that a good bra-even for a 12 year old-costs about $20. And forget about Girl Scout camp, Cheerleading Squad, school dances--all the things we want to give our kids. And, of course, she doesn't eat for the 28 days a month she's at my house! <p>You know what? He got off scot free for the last four years so I figure he can pay a little now. And I didn't even ask for health costs or anything else. So when she gets braces, it's all on me and my h.<p>HO,
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>. I am not in a position to ask anything of the wife. 505 custody won't happen and she indicated that she wanted full custody. I won't fight her on that as that is how I feel right now. I am really scared about my future. As far as the debt, I have an aunt that offerred to help me so i won't have to file chapter 7 or 13. I guess I am in denial mode, still cannot believe that my wife won't give us another chance. <hr></blockquote>
I speak from experience---you'd better snap out of it and think about the future--next year, three years, ten years from now. Don't let her roll over you because you feel disheartened right now. You will pull yourself up and then you'll kick yourself for not asserting your rights. And when you do decide to cover yourself, it's gonna cost a lot more.

I wish I could snap out of it. I feel betrayed all over again. I mean she basically told me that we could work things out when I found out about her pregnancy, so I gave it my best shot, but I guess I harbored allot of resentment about having two more children when I underwent the knife so many years ago to prevent that. Do you know if she admits that the twin are not Bio mine, will I escape child support for them? I do not mena to sound callous nor that I don't love them, but this is her choice to divorce not mine. I just do not know what to think. This divorce will devastate my two bio kids. They do not know the paternity of the twins and I am afraid of what they may think if they know the truth. so many thoughts running through my head lately. I have been told by others that I better get my head on straight and protect my interests. It all seems like a bad dream.

I'm not sure of the legal ramifications of paternity in your state but I do think you should find out. Many, many attorneys give a free consultation...I would set up a couple and see what they say. And again, do a search for 'fathers for equal rights'-it brings up tons of websites to help fathers protect their interests.<p>As for the damage to the other children, I think that this issue should be a private one between you and your wife. All they need to know is that these are their siblings--at least until they are old enough to understand. Because that truly is the fact that has any bearing on them. AND don't forget that there is a teeny, tiny chance they are yours, right? I mean the human body continuously tries to 'repair' whatever has been altered. I would definitely call a lawyer and schedule a DNA test.

HO<p>You are a in a tough spot. You did all of the right things. When the whole ordeal is over you make sure you pay for your kids. The OM can pay for his kids.<p>My STBX she made her choices. I don't feel sorry for her when she complains. She had a good life and she decided to throw it away. <p>So make sure you take care of you and YOUR kids. Life will get better. I promise. It was only a few months ago that it was tough for me too. A little time and healing will make the world just fine again.

Humbleone:<p>Please consult an attorney but I suspect that since you took it upon yourself to stay married to your WW after she had her A and became pregnant with OM's C's, your state - like most states - will consider you to be the de facto father and thus subject to CS. And since you knew before your WW gave birth that they could not possibly be your C - the vasectomy - and still took the financial burden of supporting them, your state will also view this as acceptance on your part to be their father.<p>I agree with franklymydears and would consult an attorney specializing in father's right to view your case.<p>Good luck.

The child support is what I fear the most. I have done the numbers and I am pretty much screwed if I have to pay for all four kids. She did say she would admit to an affair and stipulate that the twins are not mine in the divorce decree, but I have a feeling that all of that will be thrown out once she gets her attorney. She says that she does not want to break me. part of me want s to believe her but then again she did carry the twins to term. I just do not know what to think anymore. She want s to live toghether like roommates until we pay down some of our debt. I just don't know if I can do that. She says that I can go ahead an get someone to meet my needs for SF in the mean time as she understands that they are important to me. I say no way! I am pretty much in plan A mode now. She has noticed the changes in me, but is still dead set on divorce. She is a determined woman and prettty much once shemakes up her mind it is a done deal. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

. She says that she does not want to break me. part of me want s to believe her but then again she did carry the twins to term. Well, I'm not sure what this means...that she is not trustworthy because she didn't abort the twins? That's the way it sounds to me and frankly, my dear, I have a problem with that. But I will wait to hear your explanation. <p>Ya know, some women (and I like to number myself among them)aren't out for blood--they just want some help. We are not all scheming b*tches.

That did not come out right...My apologies. I had the vasectomy years back because the doctors told her that having more children would probably kill her. She had open heart surgery when she was 7. the pregancies enlarged her heart whaich was risky for her as well as the babies...so I underwent the surgery. The fact that she had unprotected sex knowing those risks still blows me away. anyway...maybe she is being truthful when she tells me that she does not want to break me, but just about all of my close freinds have advised me to treat the divorce like a business deal. That just seems so cold to me. I really do not want this at all, but have no control over what she is going to do. i will try to be more clear next time. This whole thing tends to put me in a bad state of mind.

Humbleone:<p>Your friends are right, a divorce should be handled like a business deal but not with the intention of trying to screw the other side because you will still have to deal with each other for many years to come. The last thing you and your stbxw is resentment on how the divorce screwed one or the other. <p>I would suggest that you and your stbxw explore the possibility of mediation so that everybody can be satisfied that no one side got the better of the other.<p>A divorce does not necesarily end your relationship with your W because of the children. If you still love your W very much you could use the contact you will have with her to continue to plan A. There is one or two posters here that got divorced and later remarried their x's so don't discount the possibility that this might also be in your future.<p>Sorry franklymydears for hijacking your post. I agree 100% with your point of view. I am the custodial parent and what my xWW pays in cs is approximately 1/5 of what I spend on our daughters on a monthly basis and like you said that does not include things like clothes, school supplies, etc. that are not part of the monthly expense schedule. So I have no simpathy for ncp's that cry because they have to pay for their kids because we cp's always end up paying more in terms of money and time.

Come on Humbleone, snap out of it. You have got to protect yourself. You can get joint custody of your two children EASY! DO NOT settle for anything less. DO NOT let her take advantage of you in this state of mind or bully you. You will pay more if you do. Heck, given her past you could more and likely get 50/50. Get thee self to a fathers rights attorney. You ask for full custody! <p>The good news, is your in Georgia! At this very moment, The state of Ga. is defending itself, it has appealed two judges recent rulings stating that the current cs guidelines are unconstitutional for non custodial parents. Please call this attorney, he is the one fighting the state and handling the appeals for the ncp. His name is Attroney Daryl LeCroy and his # is 404-256-0918. Call him Humbleone. If he isn't in your area I am sure he'll get you someone who is.<p>Melissa

As a former recipiant of CS, prior to our M, and because of his unfaithfulness, we separated and had to pay me CS. I can tell you the the cs I received did not come close to covering the expenses I had for the children. (MN has higher rates than GA or TX). I worked, and my pay was classified as "good paying". After I paid the rent, utilities, food, dr, dentist, gas for the car (so I could work), auto ins. (req. in MN), medical ins, dental ins. there was not much left for extras. I was thankful that my children were too young to understand "santa claus" because he was not visiting that year. My H, complained about the amount he had to pay. His response to me was "Now I cannot afford to go out anymore". I could not afford to go out at all. (even with the cs). My car broke down, I had to borrow from my mother to fix it, so I could continue to work (which I could not afford to pay back). However, even though he complained he could not go out anymore, he went out, so the cs did not hurt him as much as he thougth it was going to. The kids on the other hand were missing out. I was glad we were able to work things out. If not, my children would not have the opportunity to play hockey, soccer, ride bikes. This is not some made up "feel sorry for me" sob story, this is the reality of how the finances are for a single parent raising children. It is expensive to raise kids with even just the basics. The cs I was awarded was not enough. (I also received assistance from the county to pay for daycare so I could work, he also had to pay part of the daycare expenses.) The amount awarded is usually never enough, not when you look at the reality of the costs of raising children. In MN, they don't look at the Custodial parents income in assessing cs, they do when they determine how much each pays in daycare. They add the cs to the custodial parents income and compare that income with the NCP, I had the higher burden for daycare expense.

Too Much Coffee Dude,<p>I'm glad you were able to offer HO some great advice and I thank everyone on this thread that has given him info. I know he feels miserable and broken-hearted now but we all know that what he does or doesn't do now will affect his life for years. <p>HO,
Listen to these people. We've been there. You must, must, must consider the future consequences. I am sorry for your situation and I understand your anger now about her decision to get pregnant. Life just sucks sometimes. <p>Sue,
It's easy for the NCP to feel sorry for themselves--they aren't the ones who have to tell the kids that there's nothing but ramen noodles for dinner or that they can't go skating this week or whatever. My x also thinks he shouldn't pay because I am remarried (second income) and he isn't. Not my fault. And my d is not my new h's responsibility (well, you know, he does support her and doesn't complain but it's not right for her dad to have no obligation toward her). <p>As the old song goes:<p>Money is the root of all evil
Does funny things to some People.

Don't paint CS as not enough in all cases. . . .<p>My X can bank all my CS and not even blink an eye, in fact, that is what i am sure she is doing because she can't spend all she gets if she tried. . .<p>she plays the poor sympathy route to everyone, yet i know her expenses and living etc. . . . and she can't even spend 1/2 of it on a regular basis. and she claimed she needed it, and i was too nice. . . although there is something to be said for mediation and not trying to screw the other party, there is something to be said for not being taken advantage about either. . . <p>my beef with CS is if the state of MA equalizes gross income and then figures the after tax amount, why isn't the time automatically equal? or because in MA you have to pay more as they get older, why does the NCP not get more time?<p>why is only the money and the not the time looked at as changing with age as well?<p>if that happened, many women would lose the sense of entitlement, and have to play evenly all the way across the board. . .<p>wiftty