Just some food for thought and a look at yourself.<p>
I'm glad you're in my dash---
> >
I read of a man who stood to speak
> > >
At the funeral of a friend
> > >
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
> > >
From the beginning...to the end.
> > >
He noted that first came her date of birth
> > >
He spoke the following date with tears,
> > >
But he said what mattered most of all
> > >
Was the dash between those years. (1934-1998)
> > >
For that dash represents all the time
> > >
That she spent alive on earth...
> > >
And now only those who loved her
> > >
Know what that little line is worth.
> > >
For it matters not, how much we own;
> > >
The cars...the house...the cash,
> > >
What matters is how we live and love
> > >
And how we spend our dash.
> > >
So think about this long and hard...
> > >
Are there things you'd like to change?
> > >
For you never know how much time is left,
> > >
That can still be rearranged.
> > >
If we could just slow down enough
> > >
To consider what's true and real,
> > >
And always try to understand
> > >
The way other people feel.
> > >
And be less quick to anger,
> > >
And show appreciation more
> > >
And love the people in our lives
> > >
Like we've never loved before.
> > >
If we treat each other with respect,
> > >
And more often wear a smile..
> > >
Remembering that this special dash
> > >
Might only last a little while.
> > >
So, when your eulogy's being read
> > >
With your life's actions to rehash...
> > >
Would you be proud of the things they say
> > >
About how you spent your dash?

Although we can't change what's already there, we do have some say on what else goes in.

Don't know where you come up with all this great stuff but it sure makes me stop and think. Makes me wonder how people will think that I spent my dash. Need to remember this when I start ragging on the kids about what they haven't done and appreciate the fact that I at least have them to rag on. Want them to know that I am still the parent here but gets hard at times. S (15) is really struggling with this (DV). I usually see a Counselor about once a month but he refuses to go. Get the feeling that he thinks he is man of the house now and can do as he pleases. I read somewhere that teenage boys have the hardest times with DV especially when their Father is having a MLC and they (the boys) are acting more responsible than their Fathers. This is true in our family. WH actually had the nerve, not to long ago, to give S a lecture about his responsbilities. I wanted so bad to say that he needed to practice what he was preaching but I didn't. I know that I'm guilty of not slowing down enough and thinking about how other people feel. Just one more thing to work on while I still have a chance. Thanks Free Indeed

Free Indeed,<p>It gives you cause for pause.<p>What an excellent post.<p>
Wallace

Free,<p>This reminds me of the end of "Saving Private Ryan". When the old private Ryan is visiting the grave of the Captain who came to get him. The Captain had told him to make sure his life was worth saving and at the gravesite he asked his wife if he was a good man. He was desparate to know that his life had been worth the sacrifice the other men made.<p>I guess you just have to do the best you can all the time.

Is This a Bad Dream,
I just like to pass on the things I get that help me feel better or give me a different perspective on a situation. As everyone here probably starts feeling like I do, that we can only focus on our problems for so long with something refreshing to divert our attention, even for just a little while. I feel I amgoing to have a problem with one of my S's similar to what you mentioned. I have 3 S', and 1 D. One Sis married. the others are 17 and 18. D is 14. My oldest, thank God he got out of here, was treated very badly by H. The last time H (his father) hit him, he went to him later and told him if he ever hit him again, he would kill him. I just recently found this out. My 18 S feels the same way. The 17 S, however , has never been treated like the others and has a different outlook on the situation. When H leaves, I am going to make 17 S see a counselor at least once, whether he wants to or not. I am still the boss. My D will see one too. But I understand about how you think he feels. My C said that S may take on the role of head of the household and that it happens quite frequently in situations like this.<p>Glad you like the post. It's always nice to do something that someone appreciates!

Hello Free Indeed -
Saw my C today. She said that both S & D are going to act up. That is their way of handling stress. My STBXH was in the situation that your oldest was in with his parents prior to our M. Really believe that sometimes he go married so that he wouldn't have to put up with them. His Step Father and him actually went to fists his Senior year of high school. They told him that he could leave if he wasn't going to live by their rules (one being not seeing me) and so he did. Stayed with me and my parents for a couple of weeks and then got an apartment. Was working full time and going to his Senior year in High School. We never were really close with his parents after that but made amends when the Grandchildren came along. Once he got into arguement with D and said exactly what his parents told him about leaving and that is when I stepped in and told him that he better rethink. How did he feel when they told him that? She was feeling the exact same way. Made him realize that he wasn't going to achieve what he wanted going about it that way and also remembered how he felt when they did that to him. His parents had problems with all three older boys (from mothers previous marriage) and they had one S togehter and he was Gods gift to the world. I'm actually glad that I don't have to put up with that/them anymore. Figure that if the kids want to see them, they are old enough to tell STBXH and he can take them over there or D who is 19 can drive them over there. I wonder what our H's would think if they read this. Of course mine would think that he thinks only of other people, but IMHO he has turned into one of the most selfish men I know. Going out of town this weekend (by myself), need this break. D is home from college and S is at STBXH's 2 weeknights and 1 night on weekend. Don't have really complete days to just myself. Plan on journalling and doing some reading, not M or DV realated. Need to just escape a little. Hope you have a good weekend and take care. Thanks again for all the stuff that you post, it is very helpful to me.
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

FI -
Hope you don't mind but I just cut and pasted this and e-mailed to all my friends and family. We unfortunately don't take the time to think about how we want our dash to be perceived when we are gone. I'm not very good about expressing myself to people so this is a good way to let them know how I feel.
Thanks for the insperation [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]