I never used to cry at movies. I was a typical guy who couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. But since I found out about this whole mess, my thought process has changed.<p>I just finished watching "Forest Gump". I hadn't seen it until now. Everything was fine until he met his son for the first time. Remember the part where they were watching "Sesame Street" together? I just started crying. Heck, I even cried at parts of "Big Daddy".<p>When I first found out about her affair, I used to go to the batting cage. I'd be frustrated and angry and I'd go to release some tension. I remember being there and seeing parents with their children having fun together and it was all I could do to keep from crying right there. Hitting the little ball as hard as I could always helped.<p>It's at times like this that I experience a huge sense of loss. I have my S every weekend, but it's not nearly enough. I don't miss my ex at all, but it kills me to be without my S. This weekend is Father's Day. I have him saturday night to sunday night. I don't know exactly what we'll do, but we'll probably play some miniature golf. His current favorite movie is "Dumbo", so we'll probably watch that a couple of times. Maybe we'll go hang out at the motorcycle store for a little while, he loves dirt bikes.<p>I'm not one to share my feelings. One of my ex's complaints was that I never talked to her. I never felt comfortable with it because I didn't always get a response that made me feel better. One of the good things about posting online is that it's (theoretically) annonymous. I can say things that I would not normally say to someone in person. The fear of rejection is not there. Plus, in the unlikely event someone thinks I'm silly, I can just ignore them, lol.<p>This might be my longest single post ever, lol. Thanks for your support.

Gee I wish you would change your name, because you are certainly no idiot!!<p>I have heard that not showing feelings is a common thing in men, because that is how society has raised them. I guess that there is always the fear that the 'guys' will see you as weak if you cry, or express and kind of softness in your nature...<p>But as far as WOMEN go, I do not think this is the case. Opening up to your wife about your feelings is not going to make her see you as less of a man, particularly since she knows that you have difficulty with it, and she may even realise the huge effort it would take you to open up. BUT, yes, you do need to prepare for the possibility of rejection, because she is still in the fog after all. <p>If it is not possible for you to do face to face, why not try a letter? You can revise it over and over until you get the right feel, and you can post it to her, or email. And if you were not big on gift-giving, how about a little something every now and then, such as some nice soap, or a single rose, or even a card.<p>If you never tell her how you feel, she will never know...and if it is something you need to do before this is all resolved one way or another, then DO IT. You will at least know you did everything you could.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Jacky,<p>Thanks for your encouragement, but I think you missed the point. I don't miss my ex. I don't miss having my faults and mistakes pointed out constantly. I don't miss her being right and me wrong all the time. She's not the one I want to be with. Also, she's not in the fog anymore. The OM is back with his W and has moved far away.<p>The one I miss is my S. I don't have him during the week, that's when things are tough. I miss eating popcorn and watching a movie at night. I miss brushing our teeth before bed. I miss reading bedtime stories. I miss having him wake up during the night and climbing into bed with me. I miss him getting up in the morning and the first thing he wants to do is play a computer game. I miss cooking dinner together.<p>It's nothing to do with my ex, it's just that the fallout from all this is hard.<p>In "Forest Gump" when Jenny tells big Forest that little Forest is his son, she says, "Isn't he beautiful?". And he says, "He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." That's how I feel.<p>[ June 14, 2002: Message edited by: idiotguy ]</p>

<small>[ March 24, 2003, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

Sorry for the misunderstanding IG,<p>But every word I wrote can still apply...in telling your w about your feelings for your son.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by idiotguy:
<strong>Jacky,<p>The one I miss is my S. I don't have him during the week, that's when things are tough. I miss eating popcorn and watching a movie at night. I miss brushing our teeth before bed. I miss reading bedtime stories. I miss having him wake up during the night and climbing into bed with me. I miss him getting up in the morning and the first thing he wants to do is play a computer game. I miss cooking dinner together.<p>In "Forest Gump" when Jenny tells big Forest that little Forest is his son, she says, "Isn't he beautiful?". And he says, "He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." That's how I feel.<p>[ June 14, 2002: Message edited by: idiotguy ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p> <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>Now you went and made me cry. Sheesh!<p>ANNA

AD<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Now, if my daughter had seen it, she would have said "uh oh", "uh oh", "UH OHHHH", "UHHH OHHHH". She says that sometimes just because somebody dropped a piece of paper. But then again, she is only 18 months old and doesn't wear a mask.<hr></blockquote><p>I had to laugh at the drama a small child can generate. Even at four years old, I have to be quick to explain things that didn't go right (usually a bad golf shot). You know exactly how I feel, thanks.<p>
Jacky,<p>I could tell my ex, but I really don't want to. Although maybe I should. I just can't work up any desire to talk to her about anything but the most basic things about the kids.<p>
Anna,<p>You weren't supposed to cry! If you want to get back at me, you can post something about your kids and I'll definately cry too, lol.<p>How is it possible for a parent to leave home and appearantly have no interest in seeing the children? I can sort of understand not wanting to see the spouse, but not taking advantage of every opportunity to see the kids, I will never understand.<p>P.S. I'll try to come up with another name. Every time I post someone tells me to change it, lol.

Dear Guy,
Please do change your name. Don't keep kicking yourself---there are plenty of other people in the world only to happy to take over that chore for you! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think that being able to be emotionally touched is the sign of a healthy 'heart'...only people whose souls are dead are never moved to laughter, tears, anger, joy. <p>Hey, I can cry while watching a Maxwell HOuse commercial. I think that it becomes more common as we grow older and mature because in youth we are vain and take life for granted---as we mature we realize how precious moments are and ache with longing when we recall them and their loss.<p>The other day I drove my s to exchange the baby with my mean, spiteful, immature dil (what gives you the impression she's not on my 'favorites' list right now? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ). As I watched them exchange diaper bag, juice cups, car seats, I started to cry (crying now, in fact)---I broke my heart to realize all of the hurt the three of them are going thru and to know that every mother's dream-for their kids to be happy and not hurt-was not going to be fulfilled in that case. Even cried for dil--she's a 'victim' here, too, and will have to suffer the hardships of divorce and being a single mom.<p>AND---when I go buy a pillow, I look for a comfortable, pleasing SOFT one---not a rock. Don't toughen up...tough old birds aren't good for anything but making noise.

Hey IG,
I know exactly how you feel. I too, always kept the emotions in. I, too, could never talk about "me" to my then wife. I couldn't complain about work, because she jumped to the conclusion that I was quitting or getting fired, so I never brought up the subject after a while. I wasn't "allowed" to talk during movies, so couldn't express my feelings about a movie.<p>I know how you feel somewhat too about your kids. My kids live with me and visit their mom. But still I have trouble with holidays without them. <p>Last year on Mother's Day, I was with my g/f and her kids and I still missed mine. This year was better.<p>My prayers are with you.<p>Hang in!<p>Bob

frankymydears,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Hey, I can cry while watching a Maxwell HOuse commercial. <hr></blockquote><p>This is a little over the top for me, lol. I'm feeling much better about the whole thing now, thanks.<p>I guess I won't really miss him less, but it might get easier as time goes on. It won't be long before he's in school and playing t-ball and soccer. Then I'll see him during the week for practices and games.<p>RWD,<p>Talking about work... If I complained, she just told me to find another job. But she was allowed to complain all she wanted and I was supposed to be supportive and listen. LOL, oh well.

Heh. Until I pretty much stopped talking altogether (after my wife entered graduate school - somehow or other talking usually seemed to end up with her accusing me of deliberately trying to sabotage her schooling), I readily talked about my feelings. However, I rarely showed them.<p>I wasn't trying to play Mr. Spock, but I didn't know how to force tears and I think it would seem unnatural to do so anyway. My feelings were no less real for all the evenness of my demeanor, but I don't think my wife ever took very seriously what I merely said. I rarely got much of a reaction from her except on those occasions when I did dissolve into tears (or whatever).<p>After my wife's desertion, I would cry at the drop of a hat. (I started giving a wide berth to people with hats. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) After nearly two years, my feelings are as intense as ever and are triggered as easily, but my volatility of expression finally seems to be dampening a bit. A fascinating phenomenon.<p>Just ride the waves...

Guy,<p>I'm not joking bout the MH coffee commercial...remember the one where the people took a bag of gifts (groceries or something) to a lonely, elder neighbor--I remember the snow falling so it must have been winter---the neighbor went out to the mailbox and looked so sad when nothing was there and the kid next door fixed it. That made me cry...tears!<p>I am such a schnook.

GDP,<p>I'm not as emotional as I was right after d-day, but there are certain things that do it. In fact the end of "Jerry Maguire" did it too. When they were walking through the park with her son, remember? You're right, a fascinating phenomenon.<p>Frankly,<p>I don't remember that one, but I'm sure it was very touching. As long as I don't start crying at the Bud Light commercial.... "I love you man!"

You *can* cry, guy, but you still ain't getting my beer! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]