This has just been a couple of days of revelations galore, and the one that I'm most proud of is that I think I've finally gotten to the all elusive ..... Acceptance.<p>I think that over the past months I've read and studied everything that I could about acceptance. I wanted it so badly, but after many of what have turned out to be "false acceptances" the grief of what I was going through kept holding me back. <p>And even though the revelations that I've had are nothing that I haven't heard from countless people on this board - it just doesn't internalize until it's ready. So for all of you who haven't come to acceptance yet - don't worry, it will come.<p>Acceptance doesn't mean selling out. It doesn't mean you've given up. It doesn't mean your future is set. <p>It just means that you "accept" where you are right at this exact moment of your life.<p>I don't accept the things that WH has done - or the choices that he's made. He's ruined his life and the lives of countless others. But those are his choices and I have finally "accepted" that he's making those choices and that it's my job to deal with those choices the best way I can.<p>I just realized too that when I changed my user name from mylife to God is in Control I really wanted to believe that GIIC, but I still wasn't too sure if He was and I was still hanging on to some of that control. But now I know that He is, and that His plan really is the plan for my life that I need to trust in.<p>There is the parable about God the Father being a gardener/pruner who prunes the branches that don't bear fruit - If you haven't read the book The Secrets of the Vine - I HIGHLY suggest it for everyone. Anyway when God prunes - he cuts off the whole branch - it's like taking off a bandaid really fast - it hurts like h*ll, but then the pain is gone and a new branch can begin to grow. <p>I am now starting to think that my ExH was a bad branch - that he wasn't good for me or my relationship with God - and that's why I believe that we're all here - to spend our time on earth developing that relationship with God through prayer and loving others. My husband wasn't bringing me closer to God and may have even been taking me further from Him. And so God went "snip."<p>This is not to say that if my ExH had a conversion then things may be different, but for now, my ExH is really running the opposite direction from heaven and when you start down the wrong road it gets easier and easier to continue to get farther and farther from God and harder and harder to turn around and go back. It's not impossible - just harder.<p>So, I am at peace in a weird sort of way and that's how I know I've come to acceptance.<p>Now granted I came kicking and screaming and God know that I'm not happy, but I think that God is not happy either, because He knows that ExH is not choosing Him. However, since ExH has free will, even God respects that, so I must respect/accept it too, and know that God will make things even better for me because I'm the faithful one. <p>When an A happens, we have two choices, to give up on God or get closer to Him. I hope that everyone here eventually picks the second choice, because God can get us through ANYTHING. We just have to trust. <p>And I think that it shows me that God loves me enough to let something like this get my attention so that I don't waste any more of my life missing out on the incredible relationship that I now have with God.<p>God Bless Us All. K

(((GIIC))), I'm glad you have found some peace. I hope I can get there someday too. C

Firefly - You will. <p>I never thought I would - and I really thought that I didn't want to because that would mean an unhappy ending - no marriage. However, it might turn out that the marriage, in it's present state - would have been the unhappy ending.<p>Oh - and I wanted to add that I got to sit on the front row to the Champions on Ice show that featured all the Olympic Skating Medalists and competitors - I LOVE Skating. So, good things do still happen every once in a while. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] K

GodIsInConrol,<p>K,I could have written the same thing. You've put into words what I have been feeling lately. My relationship with the Lord has grown, and my WH (the "bad branch") has moved further and further from God. I've prayed so long for the answer to our problems and it seems like removing the branch is His answer. <p>I've prayed that WH would have a Paul like conversion, that he realize that God is more powerful than he is. <p>It's really painfull and hard to let someone go, even when that someone did all the crazy things that WS's do. I find my mind slipping into the "I wish it were different", but it's not. It's not what I wanted for my M, but have realized that I have fooled myself for a long time thinking this might work. <p>Thanks for posting, it really helped me tonight. Our business is crubling and I am getting ready to have it all over with, but there may be reprocussions for a long time to come. It is a struggle to deal with so many things falling apart in my life. <p>There is one interesting thing that has happened throughout all of this - women have told me they want what I have (in spite of all that is going on). They want the peace and calmness they see in me. My response is that they can have it, anyone can, it is from the Lord. He is using this to His Glory.<p>God Bless,<p>D. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

WGTT - I'm sorry that you are going through the same thing too. It's terrible, but somehow we;re making it and I'm just glad that God is on my side.<p>ExH just told me that he doesn't care if our marriage isn't annulled and he remarries, thereby committing adultery for the rest of his life - he told me to start living in the real world - well I don't particularly want to live in his idea of the real world thank you very much - it will be interesting to see how happy he becomes - I'm betting not very. K

GIIC & WGTT, I'm also in the same place, though my divorce is not yet final and STBXH is not cooperating with the process. I was okay with that for a while, when I wasn't in acceptance, but now I just want to get on with my life. <p>I like the image of God pruning the unhealthy limb. Yes, it's painful, but now that it's gone, I'm beginning to feel alive again. I still struggle with the faith that I'm where I'm supposed to be and that if I totally trust in God, everything will be okay.

GIIC,<p>I like your choice of new names. To be honest your old one was very uncomfortable to see. I think it reminded me of my WWs current view on things and didn't feel right with the beliefs I hold. I am glad you changed it.<p>I have noticed your posts and admire you for your faith, strength and wisdom. You have summed up your thoughts in writing very well - better than I could have (I think I am finally coming to the same point as you acceptance). I dont like it, but God didnt ask me to. One thing I would add to what you wrote is that I believe it is not just about our WSs. "God corrects those he loves". I think it is as much about us. I will admit that I have not been anywhere near perfect and needed something this big to open my eyes and bring me into a closer relationship with him. I couldnt see where I was at the time and never wanted anything like this to happen, but I am grateful for the blessing of correction and the opportunity to walk a better path.<p>GIIC, please keep being a beacon for others, "the path to salvation is narrow" keep the light lit for others to follow. <p>God Bless<p>John

Hi. I bumped up 2 of my previous posts with narratives on this same subject.<p>See "LETTING GO? DETATCHING" (copied from Iyala VanZants book "In the Meantime"). She does speak some of spirituality and God in simple terms too, in the bk.<p>The other is "ACCEPTANCE OF WHO THEY ARE NOW?"
I think you have reached this stage. I am there only by forcing myself & focusing on this day in, day out. It is very hard for me not to let go. That was my user name (cantletgo) until a few weeks ago, when I read these excerpts & posted them.<p>I still want to see revenge happen on OW, though I will not do any actions myself. I wish it would be before judgment day for her though!! So not thinking of her is hard not to do. I hate her. She is extra manipulative and aware that her behaviour is wrong, she just doesnt care what she has done to her marriage and toddler son, or to my marriage. GRRR. My H walks around with his head stuck somewhere else. I think he has awareness that the choices were of his own making and things were NOT my fault, as he likes to blame me. But still, He's not snapping out of the FOG behaviour nor trying to meet any need I might have. So I have let go of wanting this marriage to work out. I dont care anymore. I want to be free of all this pain and rejection and betrayal and heartache I have been thru this last yr. PHEW!!<p>So hopefully, I'm coming behind you on this!