I guess my main question is, CAN you?? <BR>My SO of several years and I have had a rocky relationship due to many circumstantial problems, and this past year has been really rough (including health problems, family conflicts, and my suspicion - which turned out to be groundless - that he was having an affair). Throughout these years, although he's a good man and has basically been good to me, some of my most important emotional needs have gone unmet. <P>This all reached a crisis point a few months ago when "the final withdrawal" was made and I suddenly fell out of love with him. Seeing this and recognizing that it wasn't a bluff, he finally realized how serious the situation was and began showing me how deeply he (all along) loved me. Since that time, he's done everything in his power to meet my every need and make me feel loved and cherished, yet - although I still love him - I can't seem to get that feeling of "in love" back again. <P>I don't know if it's because I don't trust the change (although I really think it's for real) and am afraid of being hurt again or because once that feeling's gone, you CAN'T get it back, but I very much WANT to. I'm familiar with the "love bank" theory, and it seems that basically says that love deposits can make you fall in love, so why can't deposits make you fall BACK in love?? They seem to be having no effect on me (whereas I'd have given my right arm for them before this change of heart, which took us both totally by surprise, by the way). <P>I should add that after I really gave up on us in my heart, I did, for the first time in all these years, consider another man as a possible partner. Since then, I've had a hard time dismissing the thought (of a new, exciting, and "problem-free" relationship)from my mind. Can anyone help?? I so much want to get back what we had!!!<P>

You can fall "Back" in love with someone. It is possible, because it has happened to me. <BR>I couldn't will myself to love my H. He had to win my love himself.<BR>All you can do to increase the chance of falling in love again is not to let your heart be hardened. Try to accept his actions as real, not forced. He may do some really contrived stuff to try to win your heart, but you should try not to scorn him for it. If you must have a negative reaction, ammused is the least damaging.

a new relationship would only be problem-free for a short period (and it would actually cause problems by making you feel guilty etc.). Chances are you're just thinking about someone else as an "escape", not very realistically.<P>If you are going to move on to someone else, make a clean break with your current relationship first, and give yourself some time before getting involved again so you can start from a good place next time.