My wife of 12 years and I have been separated for the past 2 years. Theres been a few one-nighters on her part, but no OM quite yet. We have filed for divorce 3 times, and still waiting to find out if this 3rd try will "take". (Ever hear of a divorce being rejected? Ours was, twice...) Anyway, I have been the dedicated one for the past two years, there for her in ANY way (no physical stuff though) and at any time. She still has it in her head that this divorce is what she needs and tells me that she has "moved on".
Since the past two years have been a rollercoaster and it seems to me another drop is apparantly approaching, I am thinking that this is a time to be distant, so I'll do my best.
The most difficult thing to deal with about this is our 4 yr old son. He is constantly yanked from house to house, and cries still when daddy (& sometimes mommy leaves). That sucks alot. Especially when she blames the "long goodbyes" on me.
Anyway, I'm reading "Divorce Remedy" and can see that she got affirmations from both ignorant (but well-meaning) friends and therapists. Her latest therapist told her that she needs to "stick to her guns" when she starts "slipping" and to pretend that she is "a broken record" because obviously with my repeated attempts at reconcilliation I am "not listening" to what she is saying.
Any advice, suggestions, or any type of action that I could do would be helpful. Thanks in advance.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I guess the question for me is, what do you want?

You have had repeated attempts at putting your marriage back togehter again, or did I read that wrong?

Do you want to put your marriage back together?

If so, then there is excellent articles on this site to read as well as books to help you put your M back on track.

Are you still talking with her? If you are and you want your M, then I would quit whatever you have been doing and start putting some MB principals to work.

If your W has told you she wants to move on, and has had previous A's, I wouldn't bet there is not OM in the picture by now... don't mean to be rude.

If in fact that is the case, with OM, friends as well as therapists telling her to move on... you may be in for the fight of your life if you have any intentions of saving your M.

Again, I would start using the MB principals that are outlined and start putting them to work ASAP!

Good luck!

Wallace

Most definately I want my wife back, and I (call me crazy) want more kids with her as well. As far as the OM... not that I'm in denial, but she would tell me or I would find out. She has our son most of the week and is busy with school etc. Not that there couldn't be a fling, but if anyone asked her, she basically distrusts men. Also, at the time of her last "fling", I confronted her (over the phone) and told her that if she loved him, I'd back off, and allow our son time with the "new Daddy". She never took me up on the offer, and within 2 weeks, was crying to me on the phone and telling me that she is "so alone:There's nobody in my life". So one way or another, I'd find out.
But anyway, I am reading "The Divorce Remedy" and am changing my ways: no more persuing her, no gifts, no trying to find moments to spend time together etc. Hopefully it works in the long term. Thanks for the input...

Andrewsdaddy
Wow you have been S a long time. I am catching up with you. Nearing 17 months!!
I am in a similar situation but I have no kids.
W has OM but she says they are just good friends.
They were intimate at the start because she was having her emotional needs met by him during our S.
I have come to the end of my patience as far as OM being still in the picture. It makes it harder as he is also her colleague.
My story is on Divorce Busting.com.
W hasn't signed the decree nisi, stalling for some reason so now I have given her an ultimatum. Like you at the end of your last post, I am cutting any R off until she at least gives up OM.
It is called "after the last resort technique".
It could actually end my marriage. But then what else can I do?
I am going to mysterious and see if she actually contacts me. Why are you to S? And why aren't you D'ing?

We are separated because she felt that life married to me was hopeless and offered her no future. She loves me, but isn't in love with me. Its not unique, as I unfortunately learned when I came here to this site. I used to ridicule her, tell her she wasn't good enough, or at least make her feel that way. Take her for granted, not make her feel special etc. All these things I have rectified, but she says it is too late. "D-ing?" Does that mean divorcing? Everytime we file the papers, it gets sent back because some form or another isn't filled out properly or something. (Divine intervention??) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
We do alot of things together, but it is her therapist, friends and family that tell her to stay away from me as much as possible, telling her that she's sending mixed signals. One day she told me exactly this, and said "I really don't care what they say, I'm having a good time with you today". What ever happened to people trying to help other people STAY married. Now all they say is "You deserve to be happy. Get out." What BS. What the hell happened to commitment?
Anyway, thanks for the response. Good luck with yours....