I have been feeling a lot of emotions since she left. Betrayal, sadness, anger, jealousy, fear and so on. I realize that love doesn't hurt. What hurts is how I'm reacting and what I'm making up about what happened. I really do not know the truth of what really happened and I may never know. All that happened is that she left. I love her and want her back. I learned some huge lessons. For example I got in touch with my withholds, thing I have never said because I was afraid that she would leave and I would loose her, well she left anyway. I have compromised who I really am. I have sold out to get love and affection and I'm paying the price. One of my biggest withholds was that she didn't like my kids and she couldn't be with them. It got so bad that they have stopped coming around and we ended up never doing things together as a family. It cost me and cost my kids. I have already apologized to my kids. This will never happen again. I love my kids and they are very important to me. I'm not perusing her now, we both need time. I do not know if we will get back together again. But, I do know if we ever do it can’t be based on our past. It must be a new relationship based on a new possibility that we would create together. I just wrote her a short letter recently:
I got that you decided not to tolerate my bad habit (gambling) anymore. I love you and I haven’t been acting in a loving way. I’m sorry, please forgive me. I have neglected our relationship. What I can promise you about the list that I need to clear up with you is that I can’t make any more promises right now. I need some time to sort things out. I have a lot of work to do to restore my love and honor to myself.