My H and I are taking our son to freshmen orientation this weekend. We are driving up in the same car (4 hrs.) and we are staying at the same hotel, while my son stays in the dorm. We will be together alot....alone. This will be very difficult. We do get along pretty good, unless he hits a nerve.....usually about the OW. <p>Any suggestions?? I am hoping that this will be a pleasant experience for all of us.....even H.<p>MAX

Wow!!! To say the least!!<p>Advice, am not sure, not been in that situation!!!<p>You said same hotel, didn't say same room or not!!<p>My thought would do the best plan A, be on your best behavior, maybe a new nightie, even if it just for you!! Perhaps talk about some of the fun, funny things from your family. Stay away from OW talk and relationship talk, perhaps center everything around son the best that you can!!<p>Best wishes,
Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

We are not staying in the same room. We will be back at the hotel by 9:00 on Sunday night. The whole situation should be interesting.<p>MAX

Max,<p>How are you? <p>I know this week end will be hard in some reguards, for you, and I give you alot of credit.. <p>If it were me, though, knowing what I know now, (which is that nothing you say, do or fell, is going to change thigns, at all..) I would (try really hard) to "ACT" as though you were so over him, and never let on one ounce of feeling.. If he wants to talk about anything pertaining to the D, then I would say, not this week end, sorry.. I am not ruining the time thats so important to your son, due to his bad choices.. <p>tell him before you leave, there will be no talk of the paper work what so ever, this is all for you (two) and your son, to enjoy in his lime light, and not your situation at hand.. if he says then when can we talk it out and get things mocing or over with, tell him, any time he is readyt to sit down, LIKE AN ADULT, and talk EVERYTHING THROUGH.. which would mean to be together, again at another time, and ONLY FOR THE PAPER WORK.. nothing more.. <p>it is hard to do when emotions come to view or conversation, which ALWAYS seems to throw things off.. so be careful.. he can push any button he wants, so as long as every button is locked and shut down, he can`t harm you.. but that is up to the control you HAVE TO HAVE your self.. because you just never know.. he might just try to talk things through, like it or not, and thats when it is up to you to make the conversation go your way, or his way.. and his way will only cause YOU, emotional harm.. not him.. so be careful.. <p>I see it now, as my ex respecting me even more so, deep down, with out even having to say so, from me not interferring, or showing concern to his life style now, which is so screwed up really, he is just so commotoss to reality, he is beyond help, any more.. and he KNOWS!! now I do not care any more, as long as he is living the way he does.. <p>and we ARE CIVIL to each other now, and can talk about anything, now, but I am now the one who decides when and if we talk, if need be.. I am not interested in making nicy nice, for his sakr, any more.. but that is my situation..<p>just be cool, clam, and pleasant at all times, and make like you`ve moved on, and havn`t got a care in the world.. smile ALOT!! and always show him your good side.. no matter how hard that may be to do.. even if he brings up the ow.. kiss it off as though she does not exsist.. <p>I wish you so much luck in making him feel the guilt, each and every time he is around you.. I know mynex feels it, and thats why he can not face me, now.. he avoids confrontation, of any kind, good or bad, he is a coward, and will always be a coward, or we wouldn`t be in this perdicament, at all.. he runs from any indifference, because he CAN`T HANDLE IT.. I am the type that would rather get it all out on the table, good or bad, and face it head on, and get it over with.. and at least try to compromise.. <p>anyway.. thats my take on this, for you.. <p>xoxo. lots of luck max.. now go and have fun!!! and laugh everything off..!! haha!!<p>can`t wait to hear about it all>>!<p>AV

Dear Feeling So Alone,<p>Wow, this will have to be an acting job...don't know if I could do it for that long.<p>I agree go with the anticipation that this is for your son. Don't get involved in any entanglements....go be the best person you can be and were in your relationship.<p>Remember I did that once last spring to a soccer game? We really had a good time...and he noticed and even said thank you. That is what you want him to remember. Let him see you as the good person you are....no LBS, no confrontations--no discussions about your relationship or what is going on. Concentrate on a new memory with him that is fun--that he will have to think about the next time he tries to put you down....Just my .02 Have Fun Pat

Thank you for your thoughts! <p>I am going to go and try to enjoy myself. If anything...I at least can think how much it will bother OW that he will be spending time with me.<p>Does that mean that I am going to be the OW for a couple of days? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I decided I am not going to get my wallet out for anything either!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am going to be so nice.....he is not going to know what hit him. I am also not thinking that anything is going to happen to change our situation. <p>I am looking forward to spending some time with my son too. We had such a nice talk last night about careers and how we both are going to college and we can really be whatever we want to be!!! He is just so supportive. I will miss him so much when he leaves!<p>
MAX<p>[ June 21, 2002: Message edited by: Feeling So Alone ]</p>