I'm in a blended family, me, 2 kids, him and 1 kid. We all live together.
Dated for 2 years, married for 16 months. My second, his third. I know, but I knew him when I was young, we dated briefly, and our paths crossed throughout the years, I thought for sure he was the one. (still could be, I guess, with help). I drive him crazy, my kids(10&8) drive him crazy, my animals drive him crazy.(I'm the sucker who saves them all)
When we got married he agreed to let me keep my cat inside because she is 13yrs old and never been an outside cat. When winter rolled around last year I couldn't stand the fact that my dog was outside,cold and stuff. So i let her come in sometimes. With an okay from him. His dog stays outside, he's very obedient, because he's "stupid dog" and who knows how he was trained, H says trained I say scared to death.
I wanted a dishwasher--he didn't think it was necessary.
I needed more closet space, so i was going to put up a shed---he didn't think it was necessary.
I wanted to get air-conditioning--he didn't think it was necessary.
Curtians--he didn't think they were necessary.
He said he would fix the unattached garage so I could put my stuff in there. But he didn't do it very well and all my homemade Christmas stuff got mildewed. I was bummed.
Money situation, I work, he works,(I guess he works as little as he can,he leaves alot, and never told me that when we were dating. I thought he was at work all the time.) at first we put our money together, but all his bills were 3 months behind, I got those caught up and seperated the accounts,I had to, all my money was paying his bills and his money was going for beer and building vehicles. That was probably what changed it for him, because he said a time or two, that I was selfish for separating the money.
He drank more then he let on when we were dating. When his 16 yr old son moved in in February, I told him he needed to quit drinking to the pass out stage, because that's not good for "son" to see.(son was out drinking) So he got mad, but did slow down. But he picked up another habit. I had to go away for a weekend, happened to be my b-day when I returned. Before I left, he kept saying, "Just don't come home early". I tried to make comments that wouldn't make an argument, but lost it the last time he said it,(in front of girl scouts). So when I got home i was suspicious and discovered close to $600 worth of 900 numbers. There went my trust completely. He wanted a racing car so he built it,$15000, He wanted a new truck, he went and bought it, $30000, everything was ok for him to get. So I quit paying the bills I was supposed to and saved money to buy a dishwasher, and then a shed. Him arguing the whole time, but I thought it was fair. And I used money I saved not a credit card. We have been going steadily down hill since then(2 months), which leads us to now. I got some stuff from this site, (he said I put to much stock in internet stuff), so I said we will call a marriage councelor, he said that would demean his manly authority, and i said, you don't have authority over me.
So I'm leaving this weekend,(it is his house) and he acts like his surprised, and I thought we decided the other day that that would be the best. Maybe he thought I was just saying that, but I don't threaten unless I'm prepared to carry out. I plan on telling him, if he decides he would like to work on it, to make an appointment for a marriage councelor and I will go.<p>What does anyone think??? Can this marriage be saved? I love him, but I can't let my children and myself be put down and degrated any more.
What do you think??<p>Sadiemae37<p>p.s. It's hard for me to figure out what all the abbreviations stand for.

sadiemae37,

I would stick with your plan to leave. That might be the wake up call he needs. Contact him after you have left, and then tell him he needs to get in to see a few people before you will consider working on the marriage.

Work on getting together with him on seeing
a good marriage counselor, individual counseling, and by the sounds of it... he needs to get into AA. You might want to look into ALANON as well.

If he wants his marriage to work, he should be agreeable to these suggestions.

It also sounds like he has selfish streak... what he wants he gets, and forget what anyone else needs or wants.

There is some good info on this site as well as books to help you along in your situation. I would suggest you gather all the info from them that pertains to your situation and read up on it.

If your husband is a black out drunk you could be in for quite a ride until he gets sober.

Sorry to hear of your situation.

Good Luck!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace,
Thank you, I am moving out this weekend. He left to go out of town.
I told him I'm willing to work on it, so if he wants to call a councelor(i won't, because of crack about him supplying the ins.) I will go. I don't believe he will though, he just doesn't get it. I honestly think he believes he's justified in every thing he does. It's his manly right. And wifes are no more then the stones beneath his feet.
He said a councelor has told him he is a heavy abuser of alcohol. He likes it to much to stop. I told him what this site said about alcohol stopping the process of endophornes, and that's why I can't seem to make him happy. But he thought it was a bunch of bull. To him doctors are crocks, people who come to fix things don't know what their doing, his dogs stupid, his kid is half way stupid(he laughs at him)(that drives my kids nuts when he laughs at them).
So see, in his mind I'm the totally ungrateful wife, because he has done so much for me. But when asked what, he can't come up with much. He thinks working on my car means something big,I don't understand what he's talking about. I say thank you, and usually bake some sweet he likes around the same time. But actually I feel(and I could be wrong) that is the husbands place to look after the cars. It's just one of those details of life in a marriage that the husband covers. Am I wrong? I mean he doesn't thank me for doing stuff around the house, or cooking. Oh who knows?? I don't want to be co-dependent. Maybe it would just be for the best if he doesn't call. Because I'm sure his mind won't change any, and he won't stop drinking beer. I just wish he wouldn't have hid the true him when we were dating.
Thanks again.