It's still fresh (4-5 days)...we are finally splitting for good, yet I feel unbelievably okay about it. It has been a very terrible marriage from day 1 and I feel like I finally have a future and something to look forward to. I do feel sad and have cried off and on, but my over all feeling is of hopefulness (hence my appropriate name I guess!) To everyone out there who is so fearful of moving on vs. being miserable, and there are no children involved, first and foremost it is absolutely better to keep working and trying to make things work out. But, I feel if you have given 100% for a reasonable amount of time (me 2 years) and you have a spouse who won't contribute to the M or get help for their problems/addictions, there is no alternative but to split -- there is hope for a better future. One without feeling constant rejection, sadness, etc. I hope no one takes this as MB bashing, b/c it's not -- MB is the #1 tool that helped me work through this tough situation and I am eternally greatful for all of the advice I have found here. Thanks!!!<p>M 2/00
1st split: 5/01
Back tog.: 9/01
Pending Divorce
No children together
1 D from 1st M

Yes, hopeful gal,<p>I posted about this recently, and I know that for me, I am feeling relief because I am completely aware that my stbx is NOT coming back, and I do not need to fight and struggle any more to try to keep him.<p>For me, the pain of trying to 'win' him back was more than I could handle, and I slowly came to a point where I could see a new life for myself and the children, one without him in it. But along the way I had many realisations.

* He cheated on me for years...do I WANT that kind of man? NO.<p>* He constantly put me down. Do I want THAT in my life? NO.<p>* He did not respect me. Did I want someone who did not feel respect for me? NO.<p>* He truly thought I was stupid. NO, I am not.<p>* He lied and lied and lied and lied....NO, I don't want that.<p>* He would not face his mistakes and take responsibility for them...I don't want FOUR kids...three is enough.<p>* He is not the man I fell in love with now anyway.<p>The list of things I didn't want became larger and more important to me than the things I DID want. I am opting for a new life, and I am content with that. By law here, I can file for divorce in about two weeks...and I will. I am looking forward to that.<p>Hope that helped you.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Hello All -
I too started counting the things that I didn't like about what WH had become. <p>He is a Liar and he still lies to the kids to make them think that this was my fault. Tries to convience them to take his side on things (like selling the house). <p>He is not acting responsible for his children. Have received one check in the past 3 weeks and don't foresee any other money coming but yet he can go on vacation for a week and go diving or he is gone fishing this weekend. <p>He is so worried about what he is going to do and who is going to stroke his ego that he just steps all over everyone else.<p>He has no respect for me or my opinions on anything. If I make suggestions, I am telling him what to do. Everything I say is an order to him. He hasn't accepted my opinion for a long time and now our son trys to treat me the same way.<p>Do I want him to be a role model for our teenage boy - No<p>And NO he isn't the man that I feel in love with or married and I can't accept the fact that he couldn't uphold the vow of for better or worse. That is a big one in my book. <p>I am looking forward to the day that I sign the papers. The ball is in his court and he is supposed to be getting them together so that we can make decisions on division of property and Child Support. Can't wait for that day.<p>Until then I am planning my future the best I can. Taking care of paperwork (life ins. beneficiaries, etc.) and spending time with my friends and kids. I actually am happier now that he is gone.

was so glad our D was over, d-date 3-18-02 Judge didnt sign til 5-23-02. By that time I just wanted it over. I thought I would cry but was so happy. You get to a point where you take a good look at your so called perfect marriage you thought you had and start to see it another way. I was the only one in our M that was trying to make it work. after looking back the last 17 yrs. feel like I was his live in maid and Whore, jumped every time he needed something and never complain, I was really a fool. when I see him I feel nothing. NO hate or Love. Its time to move on. you get to a point where there is peace, dont think about him and MOW anymore and I dont care what they do. hope they do get married want them to see what they both gave up. this is a time in your life you find out who is your real friends the ones that stood by you when you just needed someone to listen.<p>x-42 W-48
c-13, 28, 7 gd
D-5-23-02<p>MOW-29 yrs old
c- 3 under 10
D-pending

Hi hopefulgal,<p>Not only do I feel relief (final stage, I guess, after feeling sad, angry and betrayed), I actually feel impatient to get on with the divorce. (In Ontario you must be separated one year before you can get a divorce.)<p>It is good to know I am not the only one looking forward to it. I thought there was something wrong with me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>A.