~I have been married for 4 years, and we met through a mutal male friend. Through the years our life together has been just that, together. We hardly go out, and we never hang with our friends the way we used too. I came across a male friend recently and started emailing him, seeing as he is 800 miles away. We talk on a regular basis, and my husbad is now jealous and losing his trust in me. Nothing has happened between us, to make him think this would even be an issue, but its here, and its driving me crazy.<BR>Some side notes*<BR>my husband doenst know my friend~<BR>I did have a crush on this man when we were in highschool~ nothing came of it.~<BR>My husband had terrible trust issues with former flames.~<P>Help me help him be ok with this situation~

My suggestion, stop the communication with your male friend. Your husbands feelings should be more important. Come on, you read all over this board about affairs starting over the computer. Respect your husband and his wishes and find a girlfriend to communicate with instead.

You should limit your e-mails to your friend to holidays and birthdays. You H wants to be your best friend. Don't let a pal from high school get in the way.<P>Your h's jealousy is just a way of showing he needs you. It's a compliment.

Hi Fiona!<P>I guess my question to you is, what is your need to talk to this person on a regular basis and email him? Sounds like the start of an EA (Emotional Affair) to me. If you know your H gets jealous, why continue?<P>Why don't you start going out a bit more? Maybe have a date night once a week? Or have your friends over if you can't afford to go out.<P>Have you read any of the information on this website? If not, read, read, read!!!! I'm afraid you're heading down the wrong path, my dear. It sounds like you're lonely. Why don't you talk with your H? Put all that extra time you're using to email and talk with your friend towards your H.<P>If your H isn't happy about it, then it's not worth ruining your marriage over, is it? <P>I know it's hard dealing with jealous people. Especially when one is a spouse. However, if you know he's jealous, and obviously he is, then I would steer clear of the blooming relationship you have going on. 800 miles away or not, it really isn't an appropriate relationship if your H doesn't approve.<P>Just my 2 cents. Hope I haven't offended you, but just trying to make you see it in a different light. I never approved of any of my H's "friendships" with other women, and guess what? I had every right feeling that way, when the last one turned into an affair. <P>Hang in there. Have you guys tried counseling? To work on his jealousy? To work on any other issues you have with the marriage? Maybe that would open up some doors to communicate with your H.<P>Good luck, Fiona. I wish you and your H the best. Let us know how it's going. And don't forget to read the info on this site. It saved my marriage! <P>--purplemag

Thank you all for your responses. I guess what I didnt make clear is that my H knew I had more male friends than I did female friends in the beginning, and thats one of the things he liked about me, I was experienced in dealing with male issues as well as female. But my problem lies in the controlling factor. Why does he have to put me in a position of feeling like I can or cant be friends with certain people, especially men? That dosent sit right with me. I would never tell him he couldnt be friends with someone just because it was a woman...

When you first met, your H wasn't in love with you, he was just your friend too. Now that he loves you, he wants you to himself. Guy friends are potential rivals, because you spend time thinking about them instead of him.<P>Your lack of jealousy of women being with your H is disturbing. It doesn't sound like you're in love with your H anymore. You may like him a lot but something is missing. You are vulnerable right now to an EA.<P>Maybe if you check out the Controlling spouse section of this site you can address which things are emptying your love bank.