A question for WAW or WAS.
Their must be reasons for the spouse to have an emotional/physical relationship with another man or woman...RIGHT!!??
So what are those reasons?
Can they be justified?
Are "we" the betrayed spouses at fault somewhere?
Can the reasons be that our spouses have found somebody "better" than us?
That they had wished they had met this person before they had met us.
Is it because like in my case we had not met our Spouses emotional/physical needs?<p>Briefly in my situation my W needs weren't met.
I am dopey as not to work that one out. Okay, we share common interests and laugh and joke about the same things BUT my W emotional/physical needs weren't met. I was less affectionate and made her feel I didn't love her anymore or fancied her.
With this going on for possibly 18 months due to me spending too much time on the internet and not spending quality time with her. Snapping at her when she tried too talk to me. Avoiding physical contact and no sex for up to a year (foreplay not included). NO WONDER W had no option but to leave me. I guess I was in some kind of "fog".
Together 12 years and now still S for 17 months (no kids).
During S W sought comfort with OM (co-worker) who was recently dumped by his W after she was having an A.
Looking back I can't blame W for being involved with OM as her "needs" were being met.
She feels good about herself, thinking their might be something wrong with her. This guy has made her feel special and good about herself.
I think this is the MAIN reasons why WAS become involved with OM/OW.
I was lucky in the sense this R only started 8 months into our S. D proceedings were started asap but could not proceed until one year after been married.
W was in a terrible state when she knew this could not go on. She worshipped the ground I walked on.
So the reasons my W left me was not because this guy happened be a "steak" catch and me a "burger".
It wasn't "lust" why she bacame intimate with him.
It was like I have said to feel wanted, emotionally and physically. To feel "safe" with this guy. He is kind and gentle. W feels secure with him. YET all these things DO NOT compensate for that "chemistry connection" that one has to have with that person. Ok you have made me feel special and wanted. I feel "safe" with you. I know you will look after me and not be unfaithful.
I know that I can trust you and you won't lose your temper because you are so gentle.
HOWEVER we are not on the same wavelength. We haven't that "connection" I had with my H.
We do not have the same understanding as what I had with my H.
So it seems we are 2 different people. "I" the H is not a betrayed spouse. I just wasn't fulfilling my W needs. Ok I fulfill every other need. But the most important (I think) are the emotional/physical needs. Aren't we all guilty of unfulfilling these needs to our WAS?
You are not telling me they got bored of us so seek some excitement with somebody else?
So are their any WAS out their who can give me some hope? It is going to be damn hard for my W to detatch herself away from OM when he is this gentle soul who has offered W "the world". She says she enjoys his company. But also she tells me their is no connection.
I wish God would raise the "fog". What is the "fog" anyway? Why would she want to ever come back to me? Why would anybody after 17 months (8 months with OM) come back. She has stalled with signing D papers. She says the first person she thinks about when she wakes up is ME.
She says she misses me and will always love me.
The last time we saw each other was a week ago when we had a great time at a Brian Wilson concert. She squeezed my hand [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
She is still undecided to what she wants.
So why the h*ll would she want to give up this OM who treats her special, is kind and gentle and makes her feel "safe"?
Why the h*ll would she detatch from a guy who is "level-headed", can provide for her financially (not that I can't) has a lovely home (so do I), is well respected in his work and is too straight-laced for his own good. Old before his years (36).
I am more the cheeky Jim Carey sort of character compared to his (yawn) layed back approach. Also he is arrogant so I have been told by W and I can well imagine that as I did have lunch with him and his ex-W several years ago. I still wonder why his W left him after only 7 years and one 6 year daughter.
Why or why would my W ever detatch from this guy who treats her special??? He is not a drinker or smoker (neither am I). Who is not verbally absusive and just pure placid.
What reasons would she have to ever leave him whether it be as they are now or as just friends?
He has been their for her and this means a lot to her. Is their hope? Is their such thing as a "fog"??
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]
