Hi Everybody:<p>Have been checking out your wonderful site since April 1999, when my marriage fell apart due to an affair. I have to say that this site has gotten me through a lot of rough times, and I am grateful!!<p>I will give some background to inform you then ask my question. My ex H left myself and 2 boys, (8 & 3), over three years ago, just after the birth of my last son, for my brother's now ex W. They moved in together right away, but openly dated previous to that. He never tried to hide anything after I found out. <p>Anyway, things went really bad in every shape and form imaginable. He has tried to take my kids, prove me unfit, prove me crazy, called the police at a drop of a hat, and the list goes on. Needless to say, I would not allow him to come to my home and he had to pick the children up at an alternate location because of all the trouble he was causing.<p>Fast forward to the present, my oldest son began having problems quite sometime ago and I got him involved with a therapist awhile ago to help him out. My ex is now butting in on that and the therapist says that he and I should start seesions together, which we have. I will do anything that will benefit my son. My son is not involved now and we just do the sessions together, which I do not understand, but all the same, if it will help, I will continue.<p>Now to my question, since the sessions have started, my ex now wants us to start spening time together as a "family". What a joke!! He says that he likes talking to me and that we should all be friends again, including my ex SIL, who was my best friend as well at D day. I say no, he says that he thinks that she wouldn't want to anyway!! Anyway, he wants him and I to go for coffee and start hanging once in a while at my home. So, waht gives with this guy?? I can't figure him out!! Is he nuts?? Any input you all could give would be great!! <p>Thanks and I will try to help out whom ever may need me....just ask, I don't mind!!

Deb's Sky,<p>I'm surely not the best one to advise on this, since I am still married and it looks like it might stay that way...<p>...but here's the free advice (worth what you pay for it)...<p>Figure out what you want.<p>The situation sounds messy. What I would want in your situation (if I thought any kind of restoration was possible) is for X to break it off with the other woman. That would be the absolute minimum requirement before doing anything with him not directly involving the children. I don't think X-SIL has any place in any relationship with your kids - or with you - or with your XH. I feel so sorry for the kids. I don't know if "together time" is reasonable or possible. Somebody who has actually been there would have to advise you about that. But as for doing anything alone with him - while he's still living with the other woman and is already divorced from you, I wouldn't go for it.<p>What do you want?<p>-AD

I've heard from people that they want the family time, for the kids, but it's usually the woman who wants it. The XSIL makes it difficult though.
My H and I are in MC to work only on communication, not reconciliation, so that we can better parent our children. Our MC is really focused on this goal. It sounds like you are just doing it a little later.
Good Luck.
I can't see my family spending time together anytime soon.