I've been separated from my H 5 months now. As a couple we were once active members in a social group that meets once a month. Many of our mutual friends are in that group. <p>Last Saturday I had my first experience with being snubbed. I had a bit of a falling out with these two friends last November. Due to various circumstances, our paths hadn't crossed until last Saturday. The falling out had never been reconciled, but I was open to a mending of fences. When I saw them, I got more a cold shoulder from the wife than the husband. She saw me, I said hello, she refused to say hello, and turned her back on me. I found out through the grapevine the next day that they're friendly with my H. <p>I find these social situations very challenging. The first hurdle was letting anyone know that we were separated. I went to the March meeting and told a few people then. Now that I'm being actively snubbed by two people who have evidently chosen to be friends with H but not me, I find myself reeling. I won't be driven off by just two people who snub me, but the thought of seeing them at the next meeting makes me queasy. Does anyone have suggestions for me?<p>[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: lonesome heart ]</p>

no suggestions, but now is a good time to find new friends, to expand your circle, and hang out with the people who do support you, and just don't hang out with those that don't. . . its sad, but hey, some people feel that they have to take sides, and they don't, but it is difficult. . <p>since majority of our friends were all work peers of my X's, of course, I expect all of them to take her side. . . not a problem . . . I would expect that she would bad mouth me, etc. . . but then again, they don't really know me, and i don't need alot of friends and social situations to exist, so not a problem. . . .<p>however, i am also quite flabbergasted when some of them do talk to me. . . and in the end, i believe that some people will eventually understand your position. . . just not now, its too early and new. . . so relax, just go on about being you, and eventually, they will figure out the situation, or maybe not, but its not your place to teach them or require anything back from them. . . just note who is friendly and who is not. . . and hang with those that are. . .<p>wiftty

this is the time you find out who your real friends are. All our friends worked with X, I had one true friend I could talk to, & the neigbors who knew what X was really like. A few of X friends are now talking to me, they found out what a liar and a cheat he really was. X told all our friends I kicked him out for not letting him have any female friends & now that they see him with MOW they know the truth. I didnt have to say a word. It gets better with time. When I see old friends that dont speak or his family I just look at them & smile & say hi, I know they wont speak. I dont want to end up being bitter. <p>m-17 yrs
D-5-23-02
H-42 W-48
C-13, 28, 7 gr d

MOW-29
M-10 yrs
D-pending
C-3 under 10

Thanks wiffty and together. Yes, I've been thinking lately that my time of solitude has run its ample course. I have a lot of healing left to do, and I'm grateful for my time alone, but it's time for a new chapter.

The snubbing incident really had me down in the dumps. H and I had a circle of friends from this social group. While it may be an unrealistic expectation, I have hopes that everyone involved could continue being friends with both me and my H. I don't want to make anyone feel like they need to "choose sides." Just yesterday, I had a nice visit with a woman who's part of this circle. As it turns out, she's not keen on this woman snubber either! I never knew! The snubber and my friend's H are practically having an EA with each other!!

At this point, I feel a closer friendship with one person and a "let my H have these friends-who-snub" attitude toward the snubbers. I don't want to be bitter either. I feel much better today. The falling out I mentioned previously occurred shortly after I requested a separation from my H. I was admittedly in a shambles at the time. Even at my worst, though, I was questioning the foundation of my friendship with these people. I am at a distance from them now, and I think I'm going to leave it that way. It's a bit sad right now, but in the long run I think it will be for the best. Their own marriage is in a shambles, and a cloud of bad luck seems to follow them. I realize now that their marriage had way too many similarities to my own. I will keep dysfunction at an arm's length at every opportunity! If I have any interaction with these people in the future, I hope I can serve to shine a light on the dark place where their lives are currently residing.

My g/f and her x belonged to yacht club and her best friend from college and her husband, who is a friend of the x, were members too.

When g/f and her x divorced, the friend chose her husband and the yacht club and doesn't even speak to my g/f now.

Hi LH,

Sorry you are going through this. You are better off without them if this is the way the want to act.

(((((LH)))))))