After going through the things I have for the last few months, I am feeling absolutely the worst now. For the first few months after my wife left, I was taking care of the kids and seemed to be coping well, either then for the emotional roller coaster. Now the emotions have stabilized, but I am physically drained. It feels like everything between work, raising the kids, and trying to sort out the divorce that I feel just physically sick most days. I have continual tension headaches. Is this a normal way for a person to go? Does any one have any good ideas to limit the stress and crappy feeling? How long does it take for a person to pull out of this type of hole? Help if anyone has some advice.

Lost in Space: I'm no expert but I think it is totally normal what you are feeling. The body is now responding to all the stress you have been under. I find myself in a similar situation, not physically sick, but just drained and tired (and I do not have children). Do you exercise or belong to a gym? I have found that exercise does wonders for me. Even just a walk around the neighborhood clears my mind. How about a short vacation? Is that possible?<p>I have no idea how long it takes to get out of this hole. I wish I could give you some answers but this is all new to me too.

lostinspace, i hate to say it but i'm there with you. what others here are saying about focusing on you and the kids must your first order of business. Draw strength from them. They are your life and need you more than you can know. I've been on this rollercoaster now since early Feb and its time to get off! I still have good days and bad days. Above all you have got to beleive that the good Lord has a plan for all his children. Trust Him. He only wants whats best for you and , if you can program your mind as I have, you will see that the whole situation is just part of His plan for you. Whats seemed to help me get my mind off this mess early on was exercize, etc...Everyone here seems to say the same thing and if you can do that, you will feel better, eventually. Sometimes I still think I'm living a really bad dream. I guess I was blind to the idea that my W could/would simply chuck our 11.5 years of marriage (13 yrs together)two beautiful kids (8 and 4.5)and breakup what friends and family thought was a match made in heaven. To this day, even though we are not D yet, I want to beleive that she will come around and realize what a good thing we have (had) but I've come to the conclusion that this is very improbable. Now, the only thing I can do is better myself. you see, life goes on. We have 2 options, either continue to harbor the emotional pain of your situation or choose to live life the way He intended for us, which is to live a fullfilled, happy life. Think of your pain now as Gods way of refining who you are for his glory. Remember, all things work for the glory of God for those who love him. he feels your pain. He will not put anything in your life that you cannot bear (even though it sure feels that way sometimes) Hang in there, you are not alone. You WILL feel better with time.

Thankyou both for your replies, I did committ to exercise allot when we first split, and then as I got run down with so much on the go, and I dropped the exercise. I have to find time and a way to get back into it. I also beleive that god has a master plan, I just pray that I have the strength to work through it.

LostInSpace,

All of the above advice that has been given is good to do.

I have been and still am in the same rollercoaster ride as all of you are.

I finally went to a IC and got a prescription for depression. It helped me a bunch, and I am not an advocate for meds. It sounds like you are possibly going through depression. Not uncommon for people in our situation.

You may want to check into getting to a IC and see what they say. I wouldn't wait too long.

Also, say a prayer to the Lord.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Divorce takes a lot out of you. Two and half years ago when my ex and I first separated, someone in the divorce biz said to me..."Your life is going to be sheer Hell for the next two years and then it will get better." At the time I thought I would never survive two years of this, but I have and it has gotten better.<p>There is no magic formula that will make it easier. It is true that you do need to take care of yourself and do what makes you feel better. Being responsible for kids and working is exhausting under the best of circumstances. I know for me exercise does make me feel better...I don't get to do it as much as I would like, but I try and do something physical every day. Kids need attention during this time, so that is why you need to take care of yourself on the inside and outside, so that you can be a good parent. Kids are smart and know when your nerves are on edge and when you feel that are autopilot. It is no crime to get a sitter or let their mom take care of the kids for an afternoon so you can regroup. <p>Good luck to you and don't be so hard on yourself. It will get better...maybe not as quickly as we would like, but then, things didn't happen over night either.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by HappyMac:
<strong>Divorce takes a lot out of you. Two and half years ago when my ex and I first separated, someone in the divorce biz said to me..."Your life is going to be sheer Hell for the next two years and then it will get better." At the time I thought I would never survive two years of this, but I have and it has gotten better. Her words were absolutely true.<p>There is no magic formula that will make it easier. It is true that you do need to take care of yourself and do what makes you feel better. Being responsible for kids and working is exhausting under the best of circumstances. I know for me exercise does make me feel better...I don't get to do it as much as I would like, but I try and do something physical every day. Kids need attention during this time, so that is why you need to take care of yourself on the inside and outside, so that you can be a good parent. Kids are smart and know when your nerves are on edge and when you feel that are autopilot. It is no crime to get a sitter or let their mom take care of the kids for an afternoon so you can regroup. <p>Good luck to you and don't be so hard on yourself. It will get better...maybe not as quickly as we would like, but then, things didn't happen over night either.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Let me try to offer some simple advise...

1. Try to exercise. Anything will do -- a walk around the block (take the kids if you have too). Just do something to get out of the house. I know it's hard if you don't have the energy but if do make time, you will find it beneficial.

2. Get on some medication/anti-depressants!! I can vouch for them; the meds helped take the edge off the rollercoaster ride and cleared my mind and allowed me to make better decisions since I wasn't distracted and able to focus.

3. There were many times when I knew that the situation I was in, miserable though it was, was part of God's plan. Knowing that, I also knew that He wouldn't put me thru anything I couldn't handle and when I KNEW I didn't have the strength or patience to persevere, I prayed that He would give me the strength, patience, whatever I needed to make it thru another hour/event/day. I placed my burdens upon His shoulders because I couldn't carry them anymore.

I believe this was His way of tearing me down so I could be built back up. If you believe this, it may relieve some of your anixety.

I could add some more points here but I must dash off to a meeting ASAP (I'm at work writing this!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I will try to add some more but hope that this helps.

Frank1000