<BR>Have been thinking about you two and wondering where you both are!!<P>What's going on? Why so quiet?<P>How are things progressing?<P>Did the letter get off to Mom, Hopeful?<P>Did you process Hopeful's answers yet ES?<P>C'mon - update us!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba -- Only have a minute, before I have to get started at work. We have had some pretty nasty weather, and don't turn the computer on during thunderstorms (Since I have to fix it if it breaks, I don't take unnecessary risks.) I'll tell hopeful you asked about us, and we'll try to reply tonight.<P>God Bless

Good Thinking ES!!!<P>Wouldn't want you guys getting zapped either!!<P>Look forward to updates later.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba -- So you wanted to know how we are doing? Thank you very much for your concern. It has been a long time since anyone has shown a genuine concern for us, and I really believe that you are sincere.<P>OK: Why so quiet? Well for me there are a couple reasons. First is what I told you this morning, about not wanting to turn the computers on during the thunderstorms. I work with and on computers all day everyday, and don't want to do unecessary wqork on my own computers (I have five working right now)when I get home. I already need to reload my main computer do to some conflicts which occured when I installed some new hardware after hopeful and I got back from vacation. I just haven't had the energy to do the work. The other reason that I have been quiet even when I wasn't very busy at work is that I don't feel that I am very qualified to give advice very often. Many of the stories I read here make me so mad that I want to go to the "offending" person and knock them upside the head. There has been so much pain and arguing here lately, that I felt it was better to keep my big mouth shut.<P>Hopeful and I have such a confusing story, I haven't seen anyone else who has been through the same things, so I really don't know how to answer the questions every has. Yes there are bits and pieces of our story which are similar to everyone else, but the whole is so different . . . <P>How are things progressing? I don't know. good I think, but as everyone here can attest, some days are better than others and some are worse than others. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier if everyday life could be put on hold until the problems are all addressed. I have had a lot of stress at work which has been building up for a while, so it just makes everything more difficult sometimes.<P>Hopeful sent the letter to her mother over two weeks ago. . .We have not heard a word from her. I don't know if that bothers me or not, but it really confuses me. It definately is not like my MIL.<P>As for processing hopefuls answers . . . Other than the couple of questions I asked here which she answered in this forum, I have not gotten her answers. I did give her a list of questions and I think she has been trying to answer them, but I have not asked, and have not looked at the file (I wrote the questions on the computer.)<P>Tuesday night, hopeful and I had our first counseling appointment. I don't know what to think yet. The majority of the "time" was spent giving a history to the counselor. We go again on the 9th.<P>Well, that's where I am right now. Hopeful will probably respond later, but I don't know for sure. Thanks again Sheba.<P>God Bless

ES,<P>Please go to Maryland (I think) and “knock them upside the head“ . She deserves it, but I wouldn’t do it. I Love Her too much.<P>It’ll take time to get through it all. Hopefully, she is being totally honest with you.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Chris -- Somehow I get the feeling that I could rack up an awful lot of frequent flier miles if I went out with 2X4 in hand.<P>By the way, I have read your posts recently and am very sorry for what you are having to go through. You have two very beautiful girls and for what it is worth, I think you are doing a wonderful job as their father.<P>God Bless

Sheba,<P>Like Empty Shell said in his post, it's been storming here the last few days. Haven't been on the computer much.<P>Yes the letter went out to my mom, almost two weeks ago, but she hasn't sent a response back, not by letter or email. I'm not sure why.<P>I'm still working on the answers to ES's questions. I'm almost done with answering the questions and he can read them anytime he wants to try to process the answers.<P>I've been so quiet lately because I don't feel that I can give any advice that would be helpful to anyone. I feel that I would just be making a fool of myself if I tried to respond.<P>I guess I better get going. I think it's starting to rain here again

Hi !!<P>Hope the storms have passed through your area.....Wish we would get some rain here because everything is so dry!! One good thing about it is that the gass doesn't grow and have to be mowed!!! Bad thing is that the weeds do!!! LOL!<P>I know what ou both mean about not really knowing what to say to people when there's so much pain....I wish I could just take it all away!!!! I guess all we could do is lend an ear and a shoulder and when we have something that we have learned that seems to work - share it. <P>You two will be able to share plenty as you go through this healing and growing process. Your situation, believe it or not is my dream goal!! I wish that I could one day have my H here and learning Harleys material and anything else to help him understand and implement ways to make a marriage and life in general better with communication and change of thought patterns.<P>Hang in there!!!! It's difficult with everyday life needing your attention constantly.....there'll be a lull for you soon. Just keep practicing the communication and follow each other's needs and things will go in the right direction.<P>ES -Chris stole my idea, but I am close to Maryland and have a fresh batch of 2x4's!!!!! So, if you want to take a break from work -come on out to the east coast, swing by my house and get the 2x4, clobber my H and then proceed to Maryland!!!! Just a thought!!! LOL!!!<P>Hopeful - Strange about Mom's lack of response....Maybe she's mulling it over or tryng to figure out such directness and maturity coming from you.. Either way, you have said what you had to and that is a very good thing..Be proud and stick by it.<P>Well, I guess I have prattled at you long enough!!! Please keep us updated and know that we're here for you and we do care!!!! Like I said before - you two are a good example to many of how things can work and the process that they have to go through....That of course, is in addition to that we just plain like you!!!! (Smiley Face)<P>Hugs to you both!!!<P>Sheba<P>

Jumping in on Sheba's thread just to let you guys know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you, too. Glad to hear from both of you again.<P>Lori

Sheba and Everyone -- I guess a little bit of an update is in order . . . Yesterday we went to my FIL's for a BBQ. W and D were definately looking forward to it, but I must admit I was a bit unsure of what was going to happen, especially since we haven't heard from MIL regarding hopefuls letter.<P>Anyway, D had an absolute blast. Step MIL has two kids (5th grade and 7th grade) and D just loves being able to play with them as well as grandma and grandpa. FIL has a trampoline, and she spend the majority of the time we were there playing on it with her aunt and uncle.<P>FIL was fairly open as far as talking with me, then asked me if I would "fix" their computer. They had been having problems, so I checked things out. Did some basic housecleaning/maintenance. During this time FIL was almost friendly. I must admit that part of me is still very leary, but what an unexpected suprise. We spent more time together and talking yesterday than I think we have in the 7 years I have known him.<P>W spent a lot of time with her step M and was able to talk to her some about what was going on. Apparently one of my SIL's found out that we were going to be there, and asked if she could come over too. FIL told her NO. She told him that W had sent a letter to MIL which had really upset her and that she wanted to talk with W. Apparently FIL and step MIL told her that was between MIL and W and that they were not going to allow her (SIL) to cause problems by getting involved.<P>Overall yesterday was a really good day I am still a little leary, but that may just be due to everything coupled with the "sudden" change toward me. When we were leaving FIL said that we should "do this again" either there or at our house. (They live 75 miles from us.)<P>We still haven't heard directly from MIL, but I think (hope) this is some progress. <P>Thank you all for you compassion and friendship.<P>God Bless

Hi ES -<P>Wow, sounds like quite a bit of progress going on there!!! That's great!!!<P>I'm so glad that the FIL seems to be breaking out of old ways and is accepting his daughter and her family for who they are. Don't worry about any apprehension on your part - it's perfectly natural for you to be leery. More time spent with them like the other day and that will pass. You know what? I bet your FIL had some nervousness himself!!!<P>Good for them for telling your SIL what they did!!! Shows that they are trying to stop the vicious cycle that has become a standard practice in the family. That's a tremendous breakthrough!!!! <P>See all the changes taking place already!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba