A Confession:
Hi all, I am new here, and I am from Malaysia. That's the country between Thailand and Singapore. My wife is asking for a divorce and have initiated a lawyer to call me up at my work place. So currently, she is just waiting for my decision to get on an Agreed Petition. Which basically means mutal agreement on the divorce. I am still dragging it on, asking for more time for mee to think it over. We are currently separated, and I do not knoww where she is staying exactly. We have a 2 year old daughter. We have been married for almost 6 years now. I am now 30 and she is 29. We aare both Malaysian Chinese.

Me coming clean(it's a long grandfather story):
I meet my wife while I was still with my ex-GF at the workplace. We were both real estate agent. I am actually a Graphics Designer, and my wife used to be a waitress with HARD ROCK CAFE b4 she came to this workplace. At that time, I like giving myself 1 to 2 months everytime I change jobs to get into an entirely different field(waiter, sales etc) before I join the REAL job I have secured. We met, I thought she was a bit snobbish, and liem to isolate herself from guy espeacially. We did not but not much. She used to be with another GERMAN GUY before we were together. The affair is sorta like a sexual affair, no strings attach thing.

Anyhow, we talk, became acquianted, we joke, the usual thing. I never to express my interest until I quit from the job, becoz uit is my policy never to **** where you eat. I went thru a lot of contmeplation b4 I have the courage to call her up to express my feelings, she was pleasantly surprised. Yes, she knows I have a GF, and I am an open person, telling her how I went for prostitution and how I did not enjoyed it at all, coz emotions were not there, and it feels horrible. I triied a few times to be sure. Yes, I am that open. Even to girls. And I am the type who goes direct and hate wasting timee when I go after someone, I just do it.

At that time, my ex-GF was in UK furthering her studies. I encourage to her, tho she hates leaving me behind. I was sincere on the encouragement. During my relationship with my ex-GF, there has beeen numelrous times in which I want a breakoff, but failed. Becoz everytime I see her cry, I could not bring myself to do it, it hurts me to see her like that. I guess my wife(about to be ex) is the escape route for me. The main reason for me to breakoff with my ex-GF was becoz I do not feeel I am worthy of her, and I felt she deserves someone much much better than I am. Yes, I have inferiority complex, but I know now not to doubt myself ever and to respect myself, coz I know the power is within. WWhen I broke off with my ex-GF over the phone she sounded calm, and I confess everything to her about me going for prostitution. She seemed calm, I thought I was calm. But wen I hang up the phone, I cried uncontrollably. I never thought that was posssible for a dumpee. Everything between me and my ex ended then and there, at least for me and my new gf.

I did the breakoff AFTER me and my new GF(abt to be wife) had sex, it feels great. She was great, we were great in that. And she made me felt needed and loved, and I respected her, for the fact that she is a strong woman. What do I base this on? Well, we talked a lot, and she told me that after a sad relationship breakoff(with some american chef) on mutual agreement, since he iss goin off and that is a reality, she cried and she went on to set up her new restaurant within some apartment with a few frens. Tho it did not last long, ssince she andd the paartnerss could not get along well, she opted out. I respected her for her strength. I did not understand then, since I have only been in 2 serious(means contain sex) relationship(including this marriaage).

Like all(i guess) who first fell in love, we were happy as can be. We were talking all nite, non stop, it feels great. hen one night, she asked me if I wanted to get married. I said I do not have the moneey to get married(long story on this one, due to asian culture of monies all the time). She said that is fine, and that we should just get registered and that does not cost money. Andd I agreed to that! I was excited. I was happy, I felt like a man, if you know what I mean. So regsstered we did, we had a few close friends over for some really simple dinner in some stall. It felt weird and happy all at the same time. But I was ready to commit to her.

After that we rented a place of our own. And she is amazing. Since financial was just ok, and she is a very thrifty person, believing in saving money as much as we can, she rented the other 2 rooms out, and we end up only having to pay $50 permonth! I respeected her on that. In was fun, we did so many thhings together, sticking up "rooms to let" adn me thinking up BOLD headlines and layout to make it stand out. It was tiring(since some tenantss move out for no reaason, giving us little notice) but it was not too bad. But I realize now I always show that "frown face" or "tired face" but I always do it nonetheless.

Things were great for 2 to 3 years. It was sad in that I was not there for her in times of emotional support. You see, I have to travel to other countries during my stay with a particular company(1 to 5 months at a time) and we keep in contact thru ICQ and emails, steamy ones if I may add. I actually calculated and it sseems that we were only together for like 5 months in a particular year due to my travelling there. Yes, she did come over once to SeaTTle for a month, UNFORTUNATeLY, it was not a very great trip since I neeed to work, and Seattle isnot exactly the kinda place, it rains and it was cold at that particular time(I know summer is the most beautiful, I wold not be there then). BUT we were ok abt it, she did compain abt me not really knowing my way, but I am the type who gets lost in his own neighbourhood if U get what I mean. I felt bad in the sense that I was not there with her when she got retrenched... TWICE!!!!... and it is almost imppsible for me to get back there, but we did talk on the phone and I told her so. Everytime I had to go off, she would cry and we woould hug so tight. The song LEAVING ON A JETPLANE comes to mind. I love her so much.

Soon things started to get weird. Everytime I go out with my buddies, she would call me up and ask where am I and why I did not call her and stuff like that. I know I should call her. But u know what I mean, the normal learning curve in a relationship. I must admit I am not too sensitivee to that. But what I felt tht time was she iss too controlling and unreasonable. I felt that she does not respect my space and my time and my close friends. And there were a few times that I yelled over the phone and we argued a lot about it. I jusst didn;t get it, that's all. Finally I thought it was becoz of her insecurities(I was told that by my friends). But she deny it, saying that it is because she felt I am not sensitive and irresponsible for not telling her tings like when I will be baack, or even calling her up while I am out, to tell her to ssleep and that I'll be late. I did that, but she would start the nagging theereafter.

Theen at one timee, I could not take it anymore. Economy was bad at the time. Retrenchments were everywhere, I was not too happy abt my current company or thee direcction it was going. And she starts the thing again, but I forgot what it was about, but it just drovee me crazy and I said I wanted a breakoff, or rather a divorce. She called and called me in the office, and I said my decision is final, I said let's get it done and over with. And finally she said fine.

I went home, to pack. She stood there, devaastated. I was packing, she held me, I was still very angry, then sshe said that she is pregnant. We looked at each other. She asked me how now? i said well, I will take responsibility. And we stayed together, I promise her I will taake care of her. SO THAT IS when we REALLy got married with all the BElls and whistles. It felt weird, I was excited, scared, confused, renewed, so many emotionss all at the same time. I was happy becoz I am going to be a dad, and having a family. I told all my friends about it. Most do not know we were registered, including my parents and hers.

During her pregnancy, we did not argue too much(as far as I remember). She brrings up the breakoff topic time and again. I kept reassuring her, and apologizing, that I am truly sorry, and that I love her. I do. (becoz of the child perhaps? yes, I guess you can call it love and responsibility). During that time, I camee across an opportunity to join a few partners to set up my own company. I wife do not realy want that, shefeels insecure, esspecially at a time like that(reccesion). But I felt thaat either way it was a deadend, I did a lot of convincing to her. I thought that the current job, although the pay was good(not great), the company has no direction, and at least in my own company, we get to control how and where. And even if I failed(giving it a year)) I can always find another job. I told her all this and she finally(reluctantly, since I really believe it was the right thing to do) agreed and sorta encourage. But deep down, I know she has doubts and she is scaared what with the baby coming into the world soon and all. But I told her it is risk we take sometimes in life, that we must try or elsse we will never know, and this is not some crazy risk, but a reasonable risk with much consideration, based on current situation.

So i went ahead. I never knew it or too blind to see it then. SHe complains a lot, like that "WALK AWAY WIFE SYNDROME". Anything under the sun abt me, it made me felt like aa total failure inside out. She made me felt like she is always righht aand I am always wrong. In every argument, she will want the last word on it, it just drives me crazy. Yes we did not respect each other in that sense. And I used to say to her everyday "I love u" and after ssometime, all she maanage to say is "uhhmm".. I did ask her why, she said love is to sshoww not just talk. I didn't know what she meant. But soon things were not going to well, I worried myself to much, I was getting paranoid at work, always suspecting my paartners are always into something and I am always not inform or the last to know. Yes Paranoia and Insecuritues. I was conviced I was in a depression. I told my wife abt it. But when she toldd me that(a feew times) she coometimes feel inssecure being with me becoz of all thiss saying abt giving up aand all, we go into arguments, I end up saying, that's it, I am not going to tell you anything about me anymore. Coz I felt she would end up criticizing me. She also accusse me of not listening to her all the time. And I know thaat is to bee true(only now I found out why).

Things weren't looking good. We had less and less sexual intimacy. She always initiate and I always said no, almost always, unless I am really stimulated. Slowly, I found her undesirable, to the extent of repulsive. She does not take care of her body, and she disrespect me in a way. I know, this is called disrespectful judgement. I did tell her about it, saying that she looks better going to wwork and that she wears like a slop when we go out together. Her excuse was she just wanna be relax. In a way, I felt embarrassed to be next to her. But then I am not exactly too dressed up myself. But then I guess thiss is some ASIAN thinking.

Finally, there was once I was required to be somewhere(some freelance job) for a week. During such time I called her once everyday to say I miss her and I love her(the usual) and talk a bit, but communication is like so limited at that point, but I was too blind to see any problem. When the freelaance stint was over, I realize something strange iss going on. She is not as repulsive, in fact she was very very nice and initiated intimacy and sex, which I wanted too. And I felt freer, I was not nag as often, and she just gopes abt her own business. The come weekend, where we spend time. I was playing the guitar, happy(from the freelance experience maybe) she was in the room. I could not care less abt what she was doing on there, as is always the case lately. I waas prooud of myself coz during my freelance stint I was in control. A woman come on to me , but I declined, aand avoided, altho very tempted. But then I was scraed to. And I think to myself, it's not worth it at all. I told my wife about this, perhaps thiss is what triggers it? She was kinda jealous, but I shrug it off as a fake jealousy, coz I believe we trust each other completely... I do.

THEN! out of the blue, while we were having our dinner, she said that she felt as if we beeing together is purely out of responsibililty. We talked, I did not pissed off. I ACTUALLY agreed to her about beeing separated for a while to cool off... to search ourselves. And i had the stupidity to ask if this meeans we could go out aand seek other oppsitee sex, and she said yea why not. I theen conclude that thiss is almost like a divorce, and stupid things like that. I was actually pushig her fuirther aand further away. My EGO took over. We were quite calm, but shee did cried a bit, tears in her eyes. I WAS still veery calm, I do not know why.

But after a while (a day) my anger and my ego took over. I said it was better for her to just move out. And that I can pay for her rent. We were stayng at my grandma's place(we got the whole house to ourselves). I was mad at her. She has always been the peeace maker, but this time sheis not ddoing it. She did say that she is surprised that I am taaking all thiss so well, and in a calm matter. I replied by saying EGOISTIC things like LIFE is short, make the best out of it. We were children, never for once take our daughter into consideration. I did not take thaat into consideration. Our daughter has been staying with her paarents in another statee and we go back about 2 times a month to visit her. Since we need to work. We do feel bad about it, but we know this is just for the moment, since we already bought a house(not ready yet). But I did, from time to time, say that we should just her her down here, and start taking care, but she felt it was impractical and we should wait until our house was ready. I agreed.

And so things went from bad to worse. During those 3 days after that discussion, or what she and I called "Mutual Agreement", I found a lighter in the car. I approach er about that, and she confess she met someone, whom sshe respect and can talk to, no big deal. I was acting happy and surprised, my ego came out and I pretended it was nothing, and she can do whatever she wwanted to. Inside I was going nuts. She went out and was only back at 4pm ssince that nite and that drives me crazy. I suspected that there might be a third party becoz of the light. I drink myself to death that nite. I brroker the TV and Hifi, I called her asking her to come back and talk. But she was never back, I was drinking aand I dooze off drunk. The next day afternoon, she was beside me, asking if I was ok. I was still drunk, in a major hangover.. I went to the washroom. She was standing out there, and I just went crazy, then I broke down and cried. And I ask her about tht guy, and she confess that they did kiss, but nothing more. She respected him for that, hee never took advantage of her. They knew each other 6 days ago, the guy is a rookie in the insurance firm. The guy was 3 years younger than him. We both cried, and I said I hated her, we hugged. We both cried. I was the crying the worst. Then that nite my anger was building up. I called her(it was late, she iss still out) I ask her to come back and talk, and ask abt the guy, I was gonna beat him up. I called up a few friends. She came back, with a friend, she ask me not to do what she thinks I want to do. I denied it, but I know she knows what is on my mind. She did mentioned he is much much more mature than me, the fact that he thinks more maature than(tho not specific) that he made the money the hard way, he has an partment in his name. He used to be in the secret soociety, altho he did not kill or did thosse things, he is a loanshark colllector. I am worried about that.

I waas fuming, she is back with a girlfriend, she kept delaaying. Anyway, in my anger during our discussions, I slapped her on her face. That was the last straw for her. Nobody ever slap her in her entirel life. And she said this is final, and she is never ever coming back.... ever. I said some very ugly things to her, about her integrity, as a wife and a mother. And that she should at least wait until a real divorce, breakoff for this things. I was disgusted. But after a while I broke down, I ask for forgiveness, I kneel, I beg, I knock my forehead until it bleeds. Nothing from her. She said she can't come back now, it iss too late, becoz I raise my hand on her. She said she did not believe I would do that. I told her that I am a man, what did she expect me to think? My imagination was running wild, I was goin mad, it was a rollercoaster ride. After much kneeling, without much change, I went out to meet my friends, to share my pain over a few beers. To my surprised, I was screwed all over by one of my friends, telling me my weaknesses. He said "If a tree fell in the middle of the jungle, where there is no man, will it make a sound?". He was refering to my personality, always keeping things in my heaart. He said" SO what you love her, you kept it all in your heart, you gotta show it, namely affection, and really heelping out in the house". Things lilke that. It hit me like a bullet. I was thankful for that. That nite I went home, my wwife happened to wokee up and I said I was sorry, she invited me into the room to sleep, we talked a little. I was surprised she would even lissteen or talked to me. I realize later it was for the sake of our daughter. She want the daughter to know who her father was. It was not really forgiveness. I ask her, and she verified it. I get her flowers, which I never did, she felt bad and said I should not do this, but said thanks and she meant it. In all my life I have never bouught flowers for any girls, and she knows that. I love her still.

Anyway, this is what I have to say, there is much to say. But I guess thiss iss the end of the road. She iss currently hanging out with the other guy. I did tell her that a guy like that has no integrity in him. To me, she has already given heart to him, or rather she does not love me any more, Nothing at all. I found that hard to believe, but I am beginning to believe it.

i have never been dumped before. So now I know how it felt, aand how it felt lilke when I ask for a divorce 2 years ago. We were back together becoz we later found out she was pregnant. I TOLd her all this. I am sorry for all the hurt I caused her, and I now I understood howw it felt llike. It felt like half of me died, so empty, so void. And I can't seemed to find anything to fill it up. I told her that in that few days, I understood her, myself and us more than ever b4. I understoood how hurt she was all these years, because of that incident. But I was too blind to see it, I was never dumped before. I actually called my ex-GF to ask for forgiveness, telling her how sorry I am for all the hurt U have caused her.

I guess it is time fo rme to let go, in aa way, it is also a way for me to set her and myself free again. A joint petition would save a lot of time aand anguish and money. I donot wish this to affect her anymore, or our family, my daughter. I do understand that this WILL affect my daughterone way or another, becoz I came from aa broken family and only now do I realize that we must face our past, and acknowwledge it, and strive to understand it effects on us, its significance. I dun mean to blaame on it, but not to deny it.

I was theproblem, I subconsciously SABOTAGe the relationship. I felt baad that she haas to suffer so much all these 2 years. And that I became dependent on her. They call it co-dependent, I think. Somehow, we lost ourselves in this marriage. Now, all I have is FAITH and HOPE and POWER within. The word PATIENCE kept coming into my. GOD help us, protect thiss family regardless of the divorce... I feel so tired, so very tired. It drains me so much. And I know it drains her too, maybe even worse. The fact tha she moved out... I know the other guy is giving her the emotional support and attention that she was deprived of. I forgot to be a friend in this marriage, we forgot to respect each other, we forgot so many many things. Society distract us, we deny ourselves. I must let go and set uss free again.

Perhaps one day, one fine day... I love her and I can't deny that ever, I love my family, but I did not let it show enough. She knows that I love her still, but she does not anymore. Nothing at all, No feelings at all. It iss time too let go... GOD heelp us all. Faith shall remain, not of obsession, or clinging on. I must strivee to find the sstrenght within, to talk to me, to understand. AND to be conscious of my thoughts at all time. And that anger is just an option, I can pass up... I surrender myself to GOD, for I am weak.... perhaps one day. But now I must take ocare of myself.... otherwise how can I take care of others?

Thank you for lisstening, I know this is too much indeed, but I need to do this. I have a dileemma. I still do not wish to let her know aabout me going for prostitution and losing $5000 on a bet. I feel that if I do this, I will lose any chance wwith her. But if I dun do this, I feel I will never be free. I am just worried about the guy she is going out with, but I also know I can't aand shouldn't do anything about it. But I did tell her sister about it and that she should watch out for her. But then her sister doesn't care much, that is how I see it.

I know from a friend thaat ionce he told his GF about him goin to some paid service for girls, she never did forgive her for it, and it ruin the relaation at the end, a 7 years relationship. I just felt it is not a good idea. Espeacially with the daughter and all. That was the one and only time, and I regretted it... and felt guilty about it. I never did it ever again. I was stupid and compulsive. WHITE LIES... but does it really matter? sice sshe is filing for divorce already...

i feel in lovee with the same woman 4 times... thee time we met and were together.... the time she became pregnant and we got officially married.... thee time she gave birth to our child... and the time she dumped and file for divorce. She maade me look into myself like I haave never doone in the past. ABout how I treat others and myself.... she made me ssearch for the sstrenght within.. and I love her for that... for always... as a best friend, which I never learn to cheerish, I love her. I must heal myself now, and find myself...focus, focus, focus

I am so tired... I need to stop here now. Thank for listening. I am sorry that this is such a long babble. My englissh iss not so good. Thanks. Thank you Lord. Amen.

renewed man,

I am so sorry for your pain. Yes, you have made major mistakes, but still there is hope.

Right now, you have first to survive the pain of the moment... and learn from it, as you have already done.

Friend, please come here often and write. Maybe sometimes you don't have to write so much at once <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Tomorrow, there will be more people here who can talk to you.

There is much useful information here, and from what you have written, I can see that you have already read and understood some of it. Keep reading, studying. Try to improve yourself. Think carefully. Clean your house and mind and life. Do not drink. In sobriety you have the full power of your mind. Drinking is only for the truly hopeless, and there is still hope here.

May God protect and bless your family.

-AD

<small>[ March 24, 2003, 06:02 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

nothing much has progress. My wife has call up to push me to sign the paaper as a joint petition. I am trying to drag it. I ask for 3 months. W says why so long. I feel that it is better for me to just sign it... I feel that by doing so, I can free her and at the same time, free myself, you know what I mean? so that the healing begins. I have prayed and I have surrendered all my burdens, pain, frustrations, anger... my family to him. In a way, I do not know what else to do. Only word I hear is "Patience". I do not understand it. I just feel like by doing nothing, I am doin something. I would only irritate her further by doing something "immature". Now I need to manage myself, control, focus...

Dear renewed man,
thank you for your kind words, Yes our situation is very similar. If you go back to my posting, I replied with more information, some of which you will find interesting for I married because I was pregnant. We had decided to before the baby but after I finished school (that was 12 years ago and I just graduated this year.

There is hope for you, my husband has been pressuring me to get back for the eighteen months...The more his ego got in the way, the further I would be pushed. BUT!! The moment he let go and became my friend is when I got second thoughts about the divorce. ALSO, your wife is thinking of your baby and her future. If you stick in there and be the most supportive friend and father, she will definately notice. She wants the father of her child to be in the picture. No matter what, no one can take your place.

Offer to take the baby for the day so she can pamper herself, make no damands on her, tell her you just want to be friends...and mean it. Sit back but stay close by. Be there for her, never mention her boyfriend. She will take you in her confidence once she realizes you are not going to force yourself on her.

Believe me, I am speaking on behalf of the other side...If you give it time, she will come back to you. If she doesn't, well you know the old proverb...it was never meant to be and atleast you will be close to your child.

BUT I think you have a fighting chance, if you can stand being very very patient, then she will take notice. And when she does, do not be too eager...Give her quiet understanding but allow her to take some of the blame also.

I am no expert but I can tell you how what has been my experience and what has made me change my mind. Good luck !!
goldeneagle

thank you goldeneagle,

yes, I have been trying... hard. but I do sound frustrated over the phone. We did mentioned that we should remain friends. And that we can talk. But she asked me a question: "what if I ask/talk to you about other men?". I was like confused. I did not say anthing, I just shrug. I guess that is a no to her. But I did not really answered that Q. Anyhow, I was in a rollercoaster ride, and I went crazy. Initially, I agreed to the divorce, since she claims there is no point dragging it on and on. SHe says that even if it is 3 months, , or even 3 years, things will be the same, her feelings are just not there anymore. And somehow I believed her. But after a while, I thought about it after a talk with my sis, I realize as if I am being influence, coz I really do not want to break up my family, and deep down, I am really really scared of losing her and the baby. She has plans to migrate to (*sigh*) Ireland!... I realize as much as it is her decision in this, it ismine as well, as a father to the child. And I was being stubborn, calling her in the mibddle of her training camp about my change in my decision. ANd she starts saying me being fickle minded and all, I was very frustrated. I told her that on one hand you wnted us to be friends, but you do not even respect my decision or me, as a friend. Is she really serious about it? ANd right now, she is just driving me buts, she keeps helping me as she used to in financial matters, about which homeloan to get, about the car, what we should do with it. I hated that!... coz I am an individual, I am me, I can do these things that she used to do, it;s just that I felt happy she did it when we were together! I go around office and friends telling them, my wife is the financial minister, in my heart I am proud of myself and her as well. By the way, she refuse to let me know where she stays, and I did not bug her about it ever since. I understood why. COz I am quite an emotional person(am a designer,haha) and it might drive her crazy if I know the place. But I also know I will not do that, coz i tis not fair for her, she needs the space, either with herself or with the OM. Whatever, everytime I think of the OM, I just sorta reboot my system, and think of my own beautiful vision, me and her growing old together and seeing our daughter getting married to a wonderful marriage. I see forever... but it is TOUGH, and it is PAINFUL, it is EMOTIONAL, and at times I think I am goin insane. The best that I could do now is when she calls to talk or anything, I think I sounded frustrated, needy, insecure, confused etc... I need the strenght... to be cool. My wife is a strong woman, she told me she can let go easily, and somehow I believe her. Besides she is more experienced in relationship than I do. I pray that He will provide me the wisdom on what to say and how to act during a LIVE meeting... *sigh* another long one here... I really need to get things out of my system

Dear Renewed man,
Yes this is the most difficult part of the break-up. Of course, not knowing how things are going to end is the worst feeling...uncertainty. I too have that, but I think you have to try really hard to stay above things and not react like we humans are programed to. Instead, look at the wonderful opportunity she has given you!! She wants to talk about other man...whoa!!That's wonderful...Take advantage, be her friend, swallow that pride and actually let her confide in you. Don't you see? That's what most people who are having affairs begin, talking about their significant "other". Tell her you are there for her and listen about the OM, even offer suggestions BUT don't shrug it off like you don't care, let her know that you do care about her - she is a wonderful person and the chance to just hang around and talk suits you fine. But do not agree about taking your daughter. Do not force yourself on her, but listen and above all DON'T REACT with anything but compassion and concern. Iknow it sounds like a game because it will not feel confortable. But in the end, she will see you as a friend and not someone she must run away from...And most of all, it will help you heal. Even if it makes you sick to hear the details of her life, if you want her back, you must give it the opportunity. You have it in you. Also, try something new, go to a play, a winetasting...bring a friend. Show your wife that you are moving on with your life with or without her. You will have to fake enjoyment of these activities at first, but pretty soon they will help you recover and discover. Try as hard as you can not to harp on the past and look to the future, yes its hard and it won't come easy. You are a designer? Design something for your daughter and give it to your wife. Never put strings attached. Yes, patience it difficult and seems impossible at the moment, but hold on to your rope...your life will get better. Sign the divorce papers if that is what she wishes but don't give up the rights to your daughter. So many people get evil during a divorce stopping any chance for reconciliation. My husband says he will marry me again some day. I am finally seeing the light now that he has backed off and is willing to be my friend and confidant. Perhaps sooner than later we will work things out. If not, I know that we have developed a special relationship that will not include fighting while exchanging the kids at the holidays and maybe even a few family outings together. If we aren't like husband and wife, we will end up like brother and sister. Many times the things we think we miss about our spouses is what we are actually missing in ourselves...work on you, be her friend, and take advantage of her confidence- even if it's about her OM.

You'll be okay, things will work out...this feeling will not be forever. Do not allow yourself to dwell in the past. Perhaps one day, I'll be better about taking my own advice.

Just bumping this up to get a few more responces.

-AD

Hi Renewed Man,
Like so many of us, we have all made mistakes in our marriage.
You need to try to get working on Plan A, which is outlined on this website.
Start working on healing yourself, as well as showing your wife that you are changing for the better.
Keep your lines of communication open, and make them be memorable ones when you are dealing with your wife.
Many of us are in a similiar postion such as yourself... it's a very painful place to be.
You received some good advice... try taking your wife to places that you know she will enjoy. the reason being... your in a fight with another man to win your wife's heart.
How bad do you want your wife back, will determine how much effort you are willing to swallow your pride, throw your ego away, and start courting your wife again, in other words you need to start from scratch, just like you were first dating.
Read as much as you can on this site, there is excellent information to be obtained.
Your in for a real fight, be patient, understanding, and pleasent at all times. You need to show her that you are changing for the better, and mean it.
Stay Strong!
Wallace