I hope someone can send me advice. my wife and I have seprated after 3 yrs (+3 yrs before). See has moved into an apt. has not taken many of her things, including her beloved animals. I want to do the right things to let her know that I don't want this to end but I can continue to let her live in her own space while leaving me with a lot of her responsibilities and 'baggage'. Do I take the animals to her work and drop them off? Do I change the locks so I know that I can start building my own space? Do I just play the nice guy and let her continue blow off her responsibilites and not talk to me? please send any advice... Thanks, very confussed....

[QUOTE]Originally posted by TM:<BR>[B] I want to do the right things to let her know that I don't want this to end but I can continue to let her live in her own space while leaving me with a lot of her responsibilities and 'baggage'.>>>><P>Just to clarify, I guess you mean you don't want the marriage to end, but you "can't" let her leave you with all the baggage?<P>How do you want this very serious situation to be resolved? Reconciliation or divorce?<BR> <BR><<<Do I take the animals to her work and drop them off? >>><P>If you want a divorce, that would be a good tactic. Probably move things right along <P>Anyone here would need a lot more info to advise you. Has there been any infidelity on either side? Do you suspect any? <P>

Thanks for your reply.. I'm sorry that I didn't fill everyone in a bit better as to the situation. <BR>W started an EA with a coworker over a year ago. I was not doing my part and understand why she went elsewhere. We went to counseling and were given some good advice. She was to stop all contact W/ him and bring her needs to me, and I was hand out more Love Units and give more emotional support.<BR>Well after a few months little changed on her part and I found out that she had not stopped contact with her coworker and even had continued an EA with another coworker over the internet that she never mentioned to me or in our sessions (surprise). I wasn't very good at giving the Love Units or anything else at this point. More lies.<BR>I have tried to talk to her about what we need to do to get back our love. We have had some very tight money problems also. so she moved out a few weeks ago (into an apt. so she could keep the animals), left me with all the bills and over 3 months of past dues bills that she had not been paying on (I guess she was saving up to move out). I'm sure she is getting the typical 'well intented' advice from her friends (none of which were our friends only hers) and her new counselor (he has laid the Co-Dep movement on her).<BR>I don't know if taking the animals to her would remind her of her basic responsibilities or just add fuel. I want to send some more love units but fear that we are beyond that stage. She won't talk to me about 'us' at all and everytime I talk to her she says that she will pick up the critters (cats and rabbits) and come back to clean up the mess she left in a day or two...well it's been 2 weeks.<BR>I don't know if she is still in the EA's (or more involved) at this point. She says that she is not and that she still loves me.<BR>Again, any further advice would be helpful. Thanks, TM<p>[This message has been edited by TM (edited June 10, 2000).]

She was going to stop by to take care of things again and 2 days later has not even called. I have changed the locks and will find a way to get the animals to her. I should'nt have to take these responsibilities of hers also. I also feel that I should be able to have my own space during this period and so I changed the locks. Far cry from Love Units huh? But I am at a very poor state of mind and am tired of playing her waiting game. <BR>I have told her that I had a few papers regarding relationships (all from this site)that I wish she would read. Again... I wonder if she even cares anymore.<p>[This message has been edited by TM (edited June 10, 2000).]