I'm pretty new at this whole marriage thing, having been married only 8 months, but here goes. Two of my biggest needs are the needs for affection and the need for sexual fulfillment. My husband, although he understands that I need affection and is trying to work on that, doesn't seem to understand that I have a genuine need for sexual fulfillment. Like a typical man, his answer to me is "just masturbate if you need it." But what he doesn't understand is that I need HIM, not a feeling of a climax! To me, our sexual relationship is the only way that we have of showing love just to each other--not like a hug or a smile that we can give to or receive from anyone. After our short time of marriage, this is already a major stressor. This is particularly hard for me since, for the first month or so, he was ready for sex at least once a day. Now I'm lucky if he's ready for it once a week! I need him to want me like he did back then. Although he claims that he does and that I've not lost any of my attractiveness to him, I have a hard time believing that based on my observations of his actions toward me. Any advice or solutions from anyone out there would be greatly appreciated!

Have you to gone thru the EN q'aires together? It is a bit odd that his libido has dropped off so sharply in 8 months...I wonder if he has needs that are not being met. What are his ENS? <P>If you have not, go thru all the basic info on the homepage, and print out the questionnaires, take them together and talk about it. He does need to understand your needs and that sexual fulfillment is as much about the emotional closesness for you as it is about the act itself. If he views it very differently, it may require a lot of talking to see the other's side. <P>The book His Needs/Her Needs is also good.<P>Good luck!

I have discussed these thing with my husband, and we have gone through the EN q-aires. He's just not seeing my side--that it's the emotional closeness that I need, not the "act itself." How do I make sex as much an emotional experience for my H as it is for me? I feel like if he could feel the emotional aspect of it that I feel, instead of so much the physical, we wouldn't have this problem at all!