So it sounds like she was initially served with the petition. I didn't realize you had already gotten her served-so I guess you can't publish and just end it. I don't blame you for not wanting to have to go back to court after this is over with to litigate everything she doesn't like - that would cost big bucks. She needs to "wake up" and face her responsibility.

She seems to want to stay married to you in case she wants (or needs) to come back to you and the kids if things don't work out with the OM(s). She doesn't want the kids around because they tie her down. She wants to have fun but keep you around "just in case". And she wants to make sure you are still around and not seeing anyone by driving by and calling.

I haven't seen you mention if she works or not. Is she able to support herself or are these men supporting her? That will get old real fast if that is the case. She will come back when she needs you; can you handle that?

Wallace,
Here's my take.
Obviously unhappy, and maybe feeling as though she exhausted all other options, having an affair and leaving the family were a cry for help. She probably thought, initially, that someone else could better meet her needs. But now that she realizes that being without her family defeats that theory, she is lost in confusion. If divorce were really what she wanted, she would have shown up for hearing, and would be wanting to get it overwith so she could pursue her 'new life'. The affair, and the decision to leave, could have been her way of saying "here I am, pay attention to me". Her way of finally gaining some control. But you called her bluff. And in doing so, took the control away. As for not talking with people, MIL included... revealing any information to people that you also talk to would be like giving you even more of an edge. As far as not being in contact with the children, I will NEVER understand that. Only thing that comes to mind-maybe she feels as though you have brainwashed them.
I think she feels alone and alienated. Hearing your voice, and maybe catching a glimpse of you through a window are all she has left at this point....she misses you. Maybe her way of 'keeping tabs', making sure she still knows where to find you if she needs to.
It might not make any sense, and I may be way off, but it sounds to me that she is confused, and nobody understands. She screwed up, but doesn't want to admit it. Like she doesn't see what she has done as being wrong, and doesn't understand why her 'plan' backfired. She keeps trying to 'fix' her life, but everytime she tries, it ends up being wrong. And everytime she messed things up, you were always there to pick her back up, and tell her everything will be ok. Until now.

Hi again Fingers,
She originally was a stay at home Mom. But when the kids got older... she decided she wanted to work outside the home.
She has a very hard time holding down a job. In the last 2 yrs.(and I'm not making this up) she went through approx. 6 jobs.
I don't know if OM(s) are supporting her... I know she is a very high maintenance woman, both financial and emotional. I was meeting the money end of it for a very long period, but I couldn't meet her EN's they were 24/7's worth day after day. I couldn't maintain it as much as I would of liked to.
You are correct about her not wanting the kids around with her... they restrict her play time.
I believe you are again correct about wanting me there waiting in the wings as a fall back in case things start falling apart.
Problem with that is, the safety net is gone. All the damage that she has done in this "M" is about impossible to repair. It would take a miracle from God to put this "M" back together again.
As far as her driving by the house, you really can't see a whole lot, because we have a circular drive and the foliage makes it nearly impossible to see anything, except maybe our cars.
She could put a lot of this to rest, if she would just make one telephone call. She is so inmature in the way she is handling this. If she wanted to put her "M" back togehter, you don't go to the mountains with OM for the weekend, that is just adding fuel to a fire that is already out of control.
Thanks for the response.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Lizardfisher,
Nice to hear from you.
I agree with everything that you have written.
But you want to know something?
This "M" could possibly be put back together, if it was truly what she wanted. She would need to work very hard to bring it back together. I don't think she could bring herself to lowering her pride to that degree to make it work.
I, myself couldn't guarantee that it could be put back together either... since this has all happened, I have some real issues concerning all of this and the things she has done.
I'm open for suggestions though, after all... this is Marriage Builders. But I can't work on a masterpiece if I have no paint.
Thank you for responding.
Stay Strong!
Wallace