GoldenEagle and Renewed Man(Malasia) need your help!

GoldenEagle especially needs input from Former WW's.
Renewed Man needs input from former neglectful husbands.

MartyB (UK) needs input too.

Take a break from the familiar.

-AD

<small>[ July 02, 2002, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

^

wow, thanks AD... you know what you are really something <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> thanks for the WARM welcome!... anyhow... looks like amn goin to sign the papers on friday. My stbxw called up for my decision after 3 days after the last call, in which I asked for 3 more days... she does not agree on the 3 months thing I asked initially. ANyhow... I just felt that by SIGNING... i will really let her feel free again, with OM or whatever... and also to set myself free, really HEAL. U guys know what I mean? Hmm... it is for the best of our daughter... and deep down I love her both... they are I mean we are ONE. SO I wanna be friends, best friends... but I know doing that now will be tough and would seem unbelievable.. perhaps after a few months...

I wrote her a letter, a last letter b4 she leaves the house for a separate life(I was the one who did the separation, I know, stupid). before that, I ask her how long does she want us to be separated, she said she does not know(this is b4 she files for divorce). ANd I request that if it is possible we remain abstinance, during that period? She says no guarantee(yea she is a being realistic), coz she has yearnings too. I was hurt, I know there is OM, but they are having a EA, she says no PA, and EA for her is not an affair, which I disagree even b4 I came to this forum. TO me when a woman have an affair they give the OM their heart(I mean to me that is worse) and men when they have PA it does not neccesary have an EA(I know I may wrong, but I am just generalizing things, yes you can shoot me on this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) ANyhow thi sis the letter as best as I can remember that I wrote her, after that she asked me 2 times to repeat it in my own words, I do not know what that means... continue to letter

... continued... THE LAST LETTER:

Dear Beloved (Wife name here),

When you walk out that door today, I consider that to be a "divorce" in many ways. I have asked you whether during this separation, that we remain abstinance in which you cannot guarantee. I understood that somehow. So this is what I have in mind, another way of looking at this. Now before we continue I think it goes without saying, regardless of this, we both love our daughter with all our heart and soul. Ok with that aside for now here is what I see.

Since we are in a way "Divorced", we ARE considered singles again. You are you and I am me, singles. So singles would do what most singles do, they date and stuff. Remember the time when we were together at first, when we were so much in love? Do we really care about my EXs or your EXs? No.. becoz we know that is the past. Yes we will lead separate. But if one day, on fine day, we should meet up and we see something in us, that magic, and if we shoould decide to be together again. We will hold each other's hand and step thru a door into our new found "home". amd as we enter it, let us put aside our resentment, anger, hatred all the negatives, and enter that house. And we will get to know each other all over again, and we will fall in love again. It will not be the kinda love when we first met, it will be a different kind, stronger, mature, something amazing. I see us grow old together, see our children grow up and grandchildren too... So tha is my way of looking at this. And does it really matter that if we really have past relationship prior to this? No. Why should it matter?

I love you and I love you still. As you find yourself along that path, parhaps I may be there too. This is how much I really love you. Please take care and be strong.

Unconditionally Yours,
My Name Here.

PS: the door will always be open.

Whew!... anyhow I got some feedback from some of my closer friends and my sis and bro... some say it sounded great.. some feels that as if I am pushing her to have A and other OM... hmm... well,... I have that belief, that vision,... and faith.... and I know I must find myself too.. if you knwo what I mean... for how I can find her, when I am lost myself

Renewed Man,

Thanks for posting again and letting us know what you decided. I hope it turns out according to your dreams. Try to make yourself the best man possible - looking forward to that dream, and be the best father you can be in any case.

-AD