My husband informed me one night that if I didn't put out then he was going to divorce me. Out of self respect for myself I didn't and so he's given me 4 weeks after I recover from the surgery I had 2 weeks ago. (Mr. Nice Guy gave me the ultimatum 2 weeks before my surgery. The problems I'm facing are many, as I'm sure everyone deals with. Number one is that I haven't worked outside the home in the 17 years we've been married, except for a short part time job that wouldn't pay enough to keep the lawn mowed. Number 2 is my soon to be 16 year old daughter wants to stay in this area and graduate from the school here. She's suffering from post truamatic stress syndrome from an assault that happened to her a little over a year ago and is on medication and going through counseling, she had a fear of being alone after this and I quit the piddly job and stayed home again. Okay, number 3, I have a health condition that requires frequent follow-ups and medication in order to live, if my husband divorces me before we're married 20 years I will have no health coverage and basically would be sentenced to death. Okay, there's more but that's enough for now. Does anyone know if you can delay a divorce in Florida for 3 years (so I can qualify for health care under his work for life)? Does anyone know if you can have a court order a spouse to pay for health care for a former spouse? Has anyone gone through the displaced homemakers program and how does that work? I've only known his intentions for a month so I'm still a little in shock by the whole thing but I'm trying to prepare for the divorce. I went to counseling (actually did for a year thinking something was wrong with me but after reading this site and seeing a marriage specialist I know that it was a symptom of the marriage going bad not just me, he refuses to go get help). I've applied for financial aid to go to school so I can get training to get a decent job to support my daughter and myself and my 6 dogs and 5 cats ((that's another story)) LOL (my son is grown and leaving home about the same time my husband is threatening to file). Sorry if this seems disjointed but when you didn't ever think it would happen to you, you do a lot of things that tend to complicate things later like have lots of pets and not get an education and a good job etc.
Thanks for listening.

I am sorry for what you are going through, I recently had a visit with my attorney and I am in Florida. She told me that the Medical Ins part had a change and he could be required to carry or pay for your medical insurance. I am going to try to do the same thing, I have a 22 yr marriage and a daughter who is also about to turn 16 also. I have always worked but he still makes more than I do.

God Bless. Lila

That is so good to know thank you. I'm 44 also, this is my second marriage. The first one was for 7 years and he left when I got pregnant with my son. Divorce then was easier because he was living with someone else already and I was more concerned about the pregnancy than anything else. This time I'm older and worried about finding a way to make ends meet, my health concerns are weighing on my mind but you helped to alleviate that some, and my daughter's well being is a big worry to me since she's still so fragile after all she's been through. I didn't want the divorce but he's acting like someone I would never have wanted to know so I'm getting more used to the idea. I'd prefer he went somewhere and we stuck out the 3 years that I need separated and then he could get the divorce without child support as an issue, health insurance would be taken care of and I could be finished with some schooling and get a job by then. I'm not sure he's mature enough to consider this but I pray he will agree to it. If I get the health insurance its a guarantee that I can never remarry or I lose it forever so I kind of like the idea that I'll be forced to be alone and can't make the same mistake again. The thought of starting over isn't even something I can even comprehend. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you get everything you need and want. That's a long marriage and the courts should be generous because of that.

Hello, Ramoth:

I'm so sorry to read your story and see you here, but it is a good place to be and lots of good advice.

I'm glad you found this place. Please read all the concepts and principles. There's a wealth of information. Unfortunately, not much of it deals with divorce, since this site is geared toward helping to heal broken M's.

I also live in Fl, and I know that it is a "No-Fault" state, therefore, ONE partner can get a divorce, regardless of what the other wants. That's what happened to us. However, even with that being said, I instructed my attorney to drag everything out as long as she possibly could. It p*ssed my WH off, BIG TIME, but I tried to buy enough time for him to come to the end of his A. Didn't happen. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Everything can be negotiated by the attorneys in Mediation, right down to the days of the week, or hours for visitation for the kids. I'd STALL and stall some more on everything to try to make it to the 3-year mark. Beyond that, I would try to get it into mediation and the final settlement that he HAS to pay for your medical coverage until you are re-trained for a profession - he can pay for that, too!(I think it's called "Rehabilitative Alimony")

The courts and the judges are much more pro-M than years ago, so he may be required to attend counseling first. Whatever you do, get an attorney, and let them know if you are AGAINST the div. and you want to fight it. I had a friend who div'd many years ago, and it took 18 months from beginning to "end" b/c of fighting on everything. If you put your attorney on it, it won't look like it's YOU doing all the fighting, and H can't be as angry at you! That's what I did (in preparation for future reconciliation).

Good luck, and we'll be here for ya!

God Bless your family.

It is hard, believe me, my stbx WH is showing the real side of himself during our divorce. For your information, he is the famous Mr. SadNLonely!@#%&!!!!!. Yes, the one who says divorce, holds the reins and don't care whether someone gets hurt or not. They are selfish, liars and hiding money. My stbx opened his own account at our bank after the judge ordered no changes of any of our accounts. He deposited $5,000 in it, cause we have our own business, so he had the customers make checks out to his name. Well, SNL is going to find out that enough is enough. Lawyer has the account # and is going to present it to the judge.

You are going to find it difficult to endure each day, and try to smile. I don't smile much to this day, facing SNL daily is hard, he is in control of himself, and shows control to me continuously. The only thing that makes me happy is being here with the kids. Per lawyers, the kids are to be under my roof, I am more stable, and seem to beable to handle the job of doing chores, food, cleaning, laundry. While I was gone with our oldest child and SNL was living here part time to watch over the grown kids, the kids said that dad didn't try to make dinners, they ate out most of the time, and there was little organization.

Organization is needed, I was a very organized person before my WH affair, but now I am just trying to survive each day, and trying to get out of bed. Life doesn't have much meaning, I am 52 years old and who wants an old lady to work with a disability? No one. Also, just found out last night that SNL only wants to give me $250 per week to feed the kids, pay bills, feed 4 dogs, all large dogs, 2 cats, and blue front amazon, and make ends meet. Not going to happen, told my lawyer that I am not settling for this pentence, for 24 years of marriage, and starting the business and keeping the business going and taking care of all the medical stuff and doing all the paperwork, financial stuff. Like you said, where does one start. I just started with my lawyers advice, but now I have found someone else, who is going to help me with my lawyer. I am going to fight for my respect, for what I deserve, for my life as a single old woman, for the years of marriage (24 years) and for my kids. SNL doesn't want to support me, well he has another position to take. He is willing to dump me, and leave me to the dogs. He has told the 2 kids in college fend for themselves, the oldest one is out of college, she got everything paid for, dad is still paying for her apartment, but he won't give me money to buy groceries, just gives me $181 per week for child custody of our youngest, and I am to support this family on that and feed the animals. WHERE does one even start - it is hard, talk to friends, acquantances, people that know someone who could help you, I end up talking in the grocery line, and found help there. I am talking to a counselor and I am talking to step one for abused woman. SNL abused me on April 12, 2002, ended up going to emergency, and just Friday night, he abused me again by slapping my face, and taking ahold of my arms and shaking me. Bruises shown to him today, and he denys everything, report made out to hospital and counselor that came to the hospital. I cannot tell you where to start, it is going to be hard, and I will tell you that I am having a hard time dealing with life. I suffer a lot of back pain, and my emotional status has gone bad. So WHERE to start, just try to get out of bed each day. That is a start. Sorry can't help you out much, but this divorce is turning so ugly, and SNL is so out of control and showing so much anger.

ramoth,

You have come to a great board, there is lots of good information. You may want to search posts to see other links to information particularly Florida. I too live in Fl.

Here's another option - since Fl doesn't have a "legal separation" (separation will keep med insurance) file for spousal support with out desolution of the marriage. Later divorce could happen.

Ramoth & lila140 what part of Fl are you in? I am in NW Fl.

I'm in Crestview. Thanks, I'll see if he'll go for that. I don't see how we can afford to divorce but I always did the bills so maybe he thinks there's more than there is.