Husband left 2 hours ago and it already seems like a lifetime.

I can't believe we actually said our goodbyes. I knew it was coming but it hasn't lessened the pain any.

He spent the last few days packing up his stuff and putting it in a U-haul. This morning I stood and watched as he drove off. He is on his way back to his parents house in OH. From there, he will be working for different labs as a traveller fill-in for vacations, leave...stuff like that. His first job offering is in Portland, OR and is not sure how long it will last. It could be a few months or just a few weeks. At least he has something to look forward to.

As for me, i'm here until the 22nd. That's when the moving company comes and gets my stuff. From there, I have a 3 day drive back east to NC to my family (with 3 cats). I don't have any job prospects or really anything to look forward to. I know it's just my mind set talking right now, but there really is nothing looking good in my future right now. My STBXH insists that this is the best thing for both of us. He's probably right but it doesn't lessen the pain any. He was absolutely miserable being married. He couldn't deal with the commitment and it led to a deep depression and couldn't get past the saddness he felt about our marriage.

He couldn't give me what I need or deserve and the thought of actually spending his life with someone scared him to death. He feels he is better of alone. He has deamons from the past that he has never dealt with and they keep coming back to haunt him.

Logically I know he is right about us not being together. Although we got along great and always had fun together, there were certain things about him that would make living with him forever extrememly difficult. He has a tendency to drink excessively and it gets worse when he is stressed or avoiding some deep issues. He is selfish and inconsiderate and is not very affectionate. I still love him but I could not keep hearing how uch he doesn't want to be married anymore every few months, it was killing me and he knew it.

I have a lot of fear right now as well as a lot of saddness. I am overwhelmed with the fact that I will never see him again. The divorce will be final at the end of August and since we'll both be out of town all the details are being handled over the phone. Our families are in different states and we don't have any kids, so basically today was our final goodbyes.

I'm haunted by the good memories and have seemed to have forgotten all the pain he has caused me. I wish it were the other way around as it may make this easier on me.

How do I get through this heartbreak? I feel so hollow inside.

The divorce will be final at the end of August, another great summer.

Fishlady,
I can relate to some of what you are saying, especially about remembering the good times. In time it will get better. Stay active, keep doing things and do things for yourself. Sometimes this is the hardest part to do but then when I make myself do it, I enjoy it. I have strong faith in God and I know he carries me through this and that their is something special for me around the corner.

Keep your chin up! Lila

((((((((((Fishlady))))))))))

I wish there was something magical to say that would make all the pain go away. But the best thing to do is just give yourself time to be sad and grieve. It's the end of something that you thought would be forever, and it's ok to be sad.

Take things one day at a time right now and lean on your support system.

You will begin to heal and you will see brighter days. Don't worry about that. But it will take some time to work through the sadness, so give yourself some time to recover.

Focus on you right now. Do some things just for yourself. Pray. And realize that God is right there with you, ready to console you and lead you through this valley.

It's hard to see that things will ever be better, but in time, you will see that things will. God won't let you down like humans do, and He will make everything turn out even better than you could have ever imagined.

So take care of yourself right now and remember that the day always follows the night, and that the sun will rise again for you too. K

fishlady,

Although we got along great and always had fun together, there were certain things about him that would make living with him forever extrememly difficult. He has a tendency to drink excessively and it gets worse when he is stressed or avoiding some deep issues. He is selfish and inconsiderate and is not very affectionate.

Here's something to be thankful for - you have no kids to complicate this process. Be thankful that you found out now, rather than many years later and maybe feel like you wasted your life. If he's drinking and acting this way now, it's very unlikely he will ever change (not saying impossible cuz people do change).

allow yourself to grieve over your loss. The only way to heal is to walk through it. I am in the process of separating so can't help with specifics.