My wife called the other day. I guess she needed someone to fuss at and take out her anger on. We talked for several minutes and then she said some things that really hit me the wrong way. I had made a promise to her that I wouldn't show any anger twards her at all, so when she said those things to me that really pushed my buttons,instead of going off on her i just hung up the phone.
After about 30 mins of cooling off time i called her back because I felt bad about hanging up. I told her that i was sorry and that I should have told her that I was getting upset and that we need to take a break from the conversation and resume when i cooled off. She agreed and said that it was very rude of me to just hang up.
Then she said that she was almost ready to ask me out for a date but after hanging up on her she realized that I had nopt changed at all..
What is she tring to do to me? make me feel guilty? I get the feeling that she wants me to feel responsiable for what she is doing, so she doesn't have to.

Can anyone give any sugestions on what she is trying to do by acting this way?

Please help me understand. We men sometimes don't always get the small hints. Am I just being stupid? I am very confused by her actions and words.

Maybe you are like my husband and I are, we just can't communicate any more and we have only been married 13 months. If you get any good advice would you please pass it on to me. I am in the same boat. My husband says I don't understand him either.

Peace,

Cathy

Sounds like your wife is playing some major head games with you!!!! It doesn't sound like the conversation was leading up to asking you on a date!!!!!!
Sorry I don't know you're full story, but my W does the same to me. During her first A, I would get angry and blow up. Then she would say something like she was just ready to commit to working on the relationship! What a kick in the gut that was!!

Anyway, hang in there.
Doug

I have let her go completly. I don't think we could ever make it work even if she wanted to. I have told her this but she keeps on trying to play these games with me. I don't play them, I just try to understand her motive behind them. Heck she has even place personal ads looking for men and we aren't divorced yet. I don't know if that will help me in the divorce or not but my lawyer has copies of all her ads that i have printed out. She has some nerve. I have moved on with my life and I think she is having a real problem with this. I guess she thought i would always be here for her when she wanted me, but she was wrong. I can't be there for anyone who plays games with peoples hearts and minds. I deserve alot better than that and I am not gonna stand fot it any more. I even sent her an email telling her that I hope she finds the man of her dreams and lives happy ever after. I truly mean that. I wish her no harm or anything bad, I just wish she would move on and stop with all the games.
Do any of you have any ideas on how to get her to stop this childish stuff. If so please share your ideas so maybe i can get some peace. Maybe even be friends for our son's sake.

Unfortunately you may never really understand her motives, but at this point you need to really not be focusing on her but rather focusing on you.

During this time both parties are going through a grieving process, and there is still an empotional bond between you that will take some time to dissapate.

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but a good rule of thumb is to control what you can - which is usually just yourself and maybe your kids.

Make sure that you are doing everything that you can to make sure that your children are ok through this, and you start, by making sure that you are ok during this.

As for what to do with your wife, I would just not talk to her and if you do and she starts to rant, then politely tell her that if she continues then you will have to hang up. Eventually, she'll get the picture. But try to be as nice as you can without letting her get to you, and that's about all you can do.

I hope this helps. K