We are divorcing, and I can't believe the lies that I have found from my WH, stbx, now. He lied against the judges order from opening another bank account, he lied big time during his affair, giving the OW thousands of dollars. We have a business together, that if it wasn't for me doing my part, the business would of failed. WH did the labor work, and the did the financial, loging of jobs, phones, etc.

HE lies to the kids (older 16-23) about his sexual affair stating that he didn't have sex, once again the word sex and what does it mean. According to husband he did a Bill Clinton, no intercourse (which we don't believe), but he paid for the hotels, while our family was in her state visiting my WH father who was ill.

Like yesterday, he is still trying to control me, our son and I cleaned off the porch and I told my WH that I was going to put all the stuff (parts for business) in the old horse trailer that has shelves in it. I am tired of the porch looking like a hillbillies back yard. He was in the control thingy, I know where everything is and I will clean it up when I am ready. Why can't you give me a couple hours when he can come around to get the stuff. I didn't wait, I and son took everything off the porch and put it in one designated area and we scrubbed the porch, walls of house, with lysol, and cleaned everything. Even washed the windows outside, and cleaned the dog house with lysol. Control is an issue for my husband, and he doesn't like that he is losing control over me.

I can't understand the lies. Found he bought a digital camera, over $400. He has never been one to even care about a camera. He bought a 2 year plan to a local gym, he has money stored in a private account he opened in his name only, and having customers write checks to his names for deposit. He buys things that I know he has here, but organization was not ever his trait. I organized, all these years forhim. He we feel is still in contact with the Other Woman, and he is lieing about that too. Things are just about as bad as they were during his affair. Control is a big issue with husband, and he uses it on the kids, and on his mother too.

Why can't he be a decent human being, and show concern and care about his family. I had to take myself to the hospital last Friday, had a severe panic attack, and husband didn't care I was going. Son called him to tell him about my situation, WH didn't care, he went to bed. HE doesn't seem to have a repore with our second daughter, basically the two in college now are on their own to survive. The oldest is close to her father, and he gives her everything that she wants. She got everything, and still does, just ask dad and she will receive. Heck, I couldn't even get money for groceries, but he was willing to give her money to pay for her rent in her apartment, and her truck payment, plus he gave her some cash for spending. She doesn't have a job, a real job.

I know I will make it without him, who he is now is not the man I married, this man has been taken over by the devil. He still shows concern for the other woman, but me, heck no.

When does it end, when does the pain end, when does he start showing concern for his mother, too? How many years after the divorce is final will he start showing that he cares about others besides himself. I am taking the load of pain around her, for the kids, his mother, myself, etc. There is so much one can do without feeling like dieing. Wish he would quit lieing?

Remember this (and I am advising you from the perspective of a BS who had a husband who liked to control her).

YOU have no control over what he does or says. You have only control over yourself. Worrying about the choices he makes will only burden you further than you need right now, so my advice is to let him make the mistakes he is making, and not feel the guilt you are obviously feeling.

Instead, live your own life, and Plan A if you want this man back in your life permenantly. Of course, Plan A doesn't give you any guarantees, but I wll say that it DOES, without a doubt, make YOU a better person.

Love and light,

Jacky

Ecrovid,
You have control over you now, let your attorney supboena all the banks, they will find the account. Take heart, Plan A or Plan B but take care of you. Mine is doing the same thing but with the exception of our one daughter still at home we have no contact and that makes it easier. Spend time with your friends, your children, stay busy. It is a real head turner when they see you are making a life of your own. I will pray for you.

Ecrovid,

Dear, I will say this as kindly as I can.

You really need counseling. He is moving on into Div. It will not be nice, it will not be pretty, it will not protect or care for you. What he did w/ow is not pretty or nice or kind to you.

BUT, this has gone on too long. You have let your anger eat at your for too long now. GET IT OUT OF YOUR LIFE. LET HIM GO.

HE is not bothered by your anger. YOU ARE.

Get into counseling. For your own healing.

God Bless.

The thing that is hard is I see him every day. If he would of just left over a year ago in April when Jennifer Harley told him to get out of the house now during one of our counseling sessions, cause SNL was so disrespectful to me, Jennifer, and the kids, it would of been easier. He says he stayed cause it wasn't the right time. Heck, it would of been the right time, get out and stay out. I don't talk to him per say conversation, it hurts too much. It doesn't hurt him, cause he is done, throwing me out in the garbage, over with, and only concerned about his other woman. A letter was sent to her husband, and affair disclosed to her husband. An address to contact me was stated, and if he wants more info, I will give it to her husband. SNL seemed to be really concerned about the letter being sent, but he didn't care about injuring me, the kids, swearing in front of the kids, only his most famous Mrs. X.

Yes, I am in counseling, had a session today, needing to go more often, but am not able to find the time with going to physical therapy and massage therapy. I make 6 trips a week. My back is in a tight knot, many knots, and this is going to take 6 months to a year to heal. I just went this morning, and now my back is spasming, and pain. Don't really have to do much, just turn my head the wrong way, and spasms are there.

I am trying to get my life together. I am a caregiver, and a passionate person. I love people, love dealing with people, and love being in a medical atmosphere. I love being with someone on an intimate level. Would like that person to be intimate with me, and accept me for who I am. SNL never accepted me for being a hard worker, a compassionate person, a caregiver, a person who likes organization, person who loves kids, person who loves animals (perspectives OK), person who likes to do finances, and likes to feel needed. SNL needed me for organizational skill, dirty little jobs, some sexual needs (found I was inadequate according to his and Mrs. X's e-mails), I am a caring person.

I hate that this woman knows about me. It would of been better if SNL would of had another woman that was married, without me in the picture. The hurt is so bad, and like counseling says, this is worse than death. Death has a final end, a resolution, an outcome that will not change. Divorce is unknowing for years and years. One doesn't know where there life will take them. Especially if you have a disability, like I do. So much for SNL taking care of me, and making sure that I am financially OK! Haven't given me any alimony money since I filed. Only $183 chld support since end of April, and I am to feed 4 of us, animals, etc, medications I am on, and etc. So MUCH for the CARING, LOVE, ETC. I see myself fallen in the ditch, and the gravel and dust and dirt slowly covering and smothering me.

Counseling sees that I am in deep trouble, and SNL is an uncaring devil. This man is not a man, this man has grown from the horns of the devil. He is such an angry, ballistic man. I don't know how many more times he is going to hurt me physically. I cannot take it anymore. I have taken all the verbal abuse from him, calling me a f*cking bi*ch so many times. And telling me and the kids to go to h*ll. He needs counseling, psychiatric help, this is a man out of control. He wants to control me to this day, and control how things are done here. Yes, the leaks have not been fixed in 8-10 years, and there is black mold in three spots in the house. I will have the house appraised, if the lawyer says I should. SNL says that this house is worth $300,000.00 dollars. No way, not in the shape it is in.

I find it feels good to have things cleaned up, but so much to clean and sort and box up for SNL. He doesn't want the dirty work, leaves it up to me. So he can take his labeled boxes and have his MRs. X go through with him all the memories that SNL and I have had. This hurts big time, and yes, I am still hurting.

I am having a hard time dealing with this, and dealing with the loss of my father, which SNL didn't show real sadness. He never has asked me if I would like him to go to the cemetery to dads grave. I would of loved it, but SNL has no tenderness or caring to someone he hates. He hated my father, and it shows to this day. I don't hate his father, I don't hate his mother, I love his mother like my own mother. I love people, and SNL used to like people some, and I was trying to get him to be more sociable. He only associates with females easily, found that out about 10 years ago. Men he has a hard time dealing with. So it won't be long him and MRs. X will be together. Mrs. X better watch her pants, or Mrs. SNL will be snooping on the computer for more prospects.

I am trying to work on myself, but it is hard, so many issues to deal with. So many deaths, just had to put a horse down Friday, she lost her filly a week before, born dead. Just lost a kitten our 2nd daughter and I was caring for. She was sick, and got outside and the big dogs I think pawed her to death. This hurt, and no one to have a shoulder for me to cry on, no one to feel the pain, and for me to express my pain to. SNL is a complete idiot. He will probably regret one day, that he did what he did. Hopefully, it will be too late for me to come back. I feel he is making a big mistake, so does the Harleys, talked to them, and so does others. But SNl is set on Divorce, and so he will get it. Wish he would not come over ever again, not talk to him on the phone, not to have any connection whatsoever. He doesn't see how it hurts. Asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him and the boys. NO NO NO!!! doesn't he get it, it hurts too much. But he does this over and over, and sits here and thinks everything is just like normal. I wish to hell that he would move 2000 miles away, to where his other woman is, and get her in his bed and leave me alone.

I don't post like SNL, don't have the time, and so many things to do around here. I am a responsible person, and trying to make ends meet with the little money that I have. This life here stinks, sucks, hurts, and many times I feel like giving up. But so far I am here.

Wish the wayward spouses would finally come to their senses and quit the lieing, controlling, rage, distrustfulness and etc. Or God would take ahold of their shoulders and shake them hard, like SNL did to me a week ago. Shake those brains so that the marbles settle where they should go.