I'm not sure who coined that phrase on this board - but I thought it was kind of catchy.

Just a reminder to all of us to remember each other in our prayers and candlelighting this weekend......

And a question for Catholics and non-Catholics alike.

Do you think that the Catholic church adequately prepares you for marriage - considering that the Catholic church says that marriage is a sacrament and a vocation?

I mean it's right up there next to religious vocations and it takes anywhere from 4 - 8 years to become a priest or religious, but yet you only need one weeked(maybe) to get the ok to be married. And with marriage, you have the added responsibility of children, who are really hurt if the parties divorce.

I'm divorced after a marriage that everyone thought was the perfect union - we attended Mass regularly before we were married, we met at church, we taught Sunday school together before we were married - maybe we had a good start and the failing to meet needs did us in - but I am disappointed in the church's support and instruction in this area, considering it's supposed importance.

Just looking to find out what everyone's take on this is, and is there anything to be done about it?

Any thoughts?

K

What a question...
...as I am getting together my paperwork for my annulment.

Does the Catholic Church prepare you for marriage?
Yes... if you put in the effort!

I have to admit... that when my xW and I went to our PreCana program (at a local parish)... I thought we were actually going to participate.
...we did not!

We did none of the excerises...
...we did none of the reading...
...we hardly even talked about the issues brought up!
Too swept up in the 'passion'... the 'ceremony'...
...and not enough in understanding the covanental commitment.

What blows my mind now...
...(again as I'm preparing the annulment paperwork)...
...was the abandonment of 'family life' issues...
...back in 1987...
...and how there was a short few minutes of NFP... and an endless review 'secular' artificial contraception!
...where was this PreCana parish (in fidelity to the chruch's teaching?)... out in left field!... eyes (tightly) shut!

...where was I...
...'not having learned what I should have'!

I really can't and won't blame the church...
...for me not actively trying learn...

It was my choice in not pursuing the teachings of my faith...
...they were offered to me/us...
...they gave us 'Humanae Vita'... (even while encouraging contraception)...
...they gave us the financial worksheets... (budgeting)...
...they gave us self-examination and couples-examination guides...
...they gave us... scripture...

The Catholic church, in our times, has never 'forced' upon the faithful... you must... whatever!
I truly believe that the church has above all else... preached free will.

They give guidance... teaching... morals... sacraments... (and the conduit of graces through the sacraments)
...and we can accept... or we can reject!

Grace is a free gift...
...we can accept it... (to pass it on to others)
...or we can let it roll off our backs.

In my PreCana... I didn't take that gift...
...and neither did my xW.

Sometimes... the time they make you wait (usually 6 months)... isn't enough... if you don't do anything with that time!

Now that I am divorced...
Now that I am filing for an annulment...
...now that I have learned the MB concepts...
...(not 100% in-line with the faith... but close...)
...I know what I should have known!

I needed (as did my xW)... the humbleness and humility to... to accept the teachings given to me.

I've learned that humbleness... now...
...and as I teach CCD...
...I hope the message of my faith... won't be lost to the youth that I teach.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

In some Catholic Parishes require 6 months of preparation, to include classes for both prospective classes. I’d venture to say that the reason that there is not as much preparation required as for priests is that our parents and our church are supposed to be teaching us about life in general and family life from the day we are born.

I believe that one of the biggest failings of the Catholic Church in more resent years, if not forever, is that it has not emphasized the place of a family in the Church. In Catholicism the family is the basis of the entire religious structure. The father of a family is the spiritual leader of a family and the mother is his backup. In the absence of a father, the mother assumes the religious lead position. This is why marriage is a sacrament up there with priesthood. It is the father’s responsibility to teach both his sons and his daughters about life, family and the sacrament of marriage. This is why we call our priests ‘father’, because they emulate the position of a ‘father’ over his family. Then the next in this educational structure are the priest and the church.

K,

I did not grow up a Catholic. When WH & I got married, we had one session with a Priest. Basically, I just had to agree to raise the kids Catholic. It wasn't until we came to Florida and I took a Life in the Spirit seminar that I became a Catholic. Now I'm the one who loves the Catholic Church & WH doesn't even attend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

There was premarital counseling at my church (Presbyterian). I think WH participated (barely) in about 3 of them.

I don't think we were adeqautely prepared for M. Here's a thought - what if an MB premarital course was taught in HS's & colleges, and through churches....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless,

D.

Good question. My father was a Presbyterian minister. My ex husband grew up Catholic. We were married in the Presbyterian Church (by my father) because he didn't care if he was married in the Catholic Church. (Should've been my first clue - only pretending to be interested in religion.) The Presbyterian counseling consisted of a 6 week class that mostly talked about money, sex, and family background. It wasn't bad, as far as that goes - of course it didn't stress marriage as a sacrament. But at that point, it is almost too late. You are already in love. You are sure you will make it. Yeah, yeah, just jumping through hoops to get to the marriage ceremony.

Then I became Catholic (as did my minister father and Presbyterian missionary family mother!) and we went through 2 sessions of Catholic counseling so we could get our marriage blessed by the Catholic Church. It focused more on how we communicated and we took a marriage compatability test. The priest didn't stress the seriousness of marriage at all, but maybe because we were already married, and my ex was a lector and maybe he thought we didn't need that. Unbeknownst to me, my ex was sleeping with the school counselor at this point (he was the principal.)

I believe that the message of the seriousness of sacramental marriage needs to be taught from an early age. We have a lot to combat in this day and age - the age of "you have the right to be divinely happy" and "put yourself first." The church needs to give families the resources to teach this and to help support them.

Going through my annulment has helped me think through all of this. The grounds for my annulment is "Intention Against The Good of the Sacrament." By leaving the children and I (and by all of the cheating and lying preceding this) my husband basically said that the sacrament of marriage meant nothing to him. By allowing him to return after all was discovered when I'd rather be electrically shocked, I found out how much the sacrament of marriage meant to me. It is sad that it took a divorce and annulment for me to see how true and right the Church's position is on marriage. But I am now more prepared to make sure my children understand the seriousness of it. And that makes me a better, more Godly mother, and that is a positive outcome out of all this. I see the importance of my role, and while I am overwhelmed with the responsibility of it, I am glad I have the Church and family to help me. So there is my long winded rambling discussion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Krista

I'm not catholic, but my father and STBX's family are. When we were having problems just before the wedding, we went to the family's priest for counseling. His advice, see a counselor. That was it. Very disappointing. With the right counseling then, we may have avoided the problems. We didn't have counseling through my church, because my BIL married us and knew us well.

No---I don't think that our PreCana classes helped before we were married.

The most I can remember about those classes.....was them trying to explain the rhythym method to all of us because they were so concerned about our birth control. I remember going home and telling my Mom......she started naming kids that were RM babies!!!

Not to mention the fact that a Priest....never married, is the one teaching the class.

Max

When stbxw <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> and I married I was upset with the Church so, even though we were both RC, we married in the Presbyterian Church. That is either good or bad depending on how you look at it.

I am now free to marry in the Catholic Church after some paperwork is completed.

I feel terrible about not being married in the Church, but there is nothing I can do about it now, as with so much else <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

c++

In the case of our marriage, I didn't find that the pre-Cana lessons were particularly valuable. I believe it was only a weekend session, and most topics were superficially covered.

One thing that I've been doing is getting more involved in our pre-Cana lessons, and evangelizing the MB material as to how to sustain the love that these engaged couples feel. I hope it will help...

I felt we really were prepared. We seemed to discuss everything. We met with our priest for almost 6 months plus we did the pre-cana weekend classes. I do want an annulment. Not sure how much paperwork will need to be filled out and how cooperative my H will be, but we'll see.

Llama