Can anyone explain why a husband who tells me he is in love with another woman , definitely wants a divorce, sees his lover almost everyday, but still comes over to ask me to dinner (which I have declined) and wants to make love to me (tells me I am the best). What is going on here????

Cake eater

Yup, yup, beat me to it, Lupo.

Thank you LupoLady.

Is this 'normal' behavior for a WH wanting a divorce??? Arghh, this is so hard on top of sexual withdrawals and ........he still looks like the person I love and married.

Gaiaa:

I see by your low number of posts that you're a newbie around here. I'd like to ask a question....have you read all the concepts on the main pages of this webiste? A lot of this stuff is explained in those.

Your H is in what we refer to as "the fog," and he is having SOME of EN's met by you, and some by ow. As long as he can do that, he won't be pressured to make a choice. My suggestion would be to Plan A in whatever ways you are comfortable with (including SF if you feel "safe"), and set yourself a timetable for it. Then move to Plan B when you feel yourself "losing your love for him."

It's all spelled out in Harley's materials. Have you read any of his books? Lots of good stuff there!

We're also here to help any way we can!

God Bless, it's going to be a long ride.

<small>[ July 06, 2002, 10:01 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Yes, new around here. No, have not read the book yet, but busy reading parts of the site. Trying to figure out what plan A is. Think I've already did plan B. backwards I am afraid.

Definitely a cake eater and in the Fog.

Doesn't sound like you did true Plan B, however. Plan B is a complete separation, with no contact or communication with WS. Him coming over and having dinner and such, goes against this. Lupolady is right, get into this MB stuff, buy the books and read them in depth. You can get basic ideas from this site though. Don't expect to figure it out overnight though, it takes weeks/months, but it makes sense.

Good luck!

LupoLady, thank you so much.

me_no_know, my husband and I do not have dinner together (he asked but I declined). I have avoided contact with him, because it hurts too much. Communication mainly centers on our child. Since he lives next door I do "see" him every day.

gaiaa:

I hope you are reading the MB stuff.

Personally, I think since he wants to have dinner with you, that is a good opportunity to Plan A him. I'm fairly sure you didn't do a good Plan A before you went to a form of Plan B, since the pain is so bad.

While I certainly understand your actions, but we're trying to tell you that without Plan A, Plan B has little chance of achieving the results you want (your M restored).

Please read everything on this site. If you have SAA, read it again. You can always post here and ask questions, that's how I learned most of it. I have SAA, and read it through three times in one week! Then I go back about every other month and read it again.

Wishing you well.