i've been separated 8 months, i wish mine would come back, but he wants to divorce and marry OW, maybe a lot later i will get over him, but for now i would take him back.

Hmmmmmmmm. Let's give this some serious thought..

Reasons to take her back?
a. let's get back to that one

Reasons not to take her back?
a. She can't cook
b. Lousy lay
c. Doin a dude as old as her dad
d. Screwin with the kids lives
e. Cheated, DUH....
f. Has created to TOTALLY fake personality
g. and on and on

Now what was the question, oh ya, I guess my answer is "Not if she was the last female animal walking upright on this earth"....

LostHusband-

Same here. I cannot think of ONE good reason to take her back. It would not even be in my kids best interest. We have been through enough because of her selfishness. The kids and I have made a nice life for ourselves and there is no room for her in our family. She needs to create her own family unit with the kids. No way am I giving up my single life for the honor of being with her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

T1

She cut my throat and left me for dead. I'm not about to give her another knife. Not to mention the fact that I wouldn't trust her to reassure me about the law of gravity.

Her dad still hopes we get back together. You could have knocked me over with a feather when he told me that.

I guess that's a "no".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nezi:
<strong>i've been separated 8 months, i wish mine would come back, but he wants to divorce and marry OW, maybe a lot later i will get over him, but for now i would take him back.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i guess we are the only one's that would take them back. i am still very much in love with my ex. and i am still hoping that he will return to me. he really isn't out of my life, we talk to each other almost everyday and we see each other just about as much. he still could use a major makeover as far as the way he treats me at times, but then the goodness still out weighs the bad.

or does it??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> maybe i'm just kidding myself... OMG... i still need help... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I have recently taken mine back although we were legally seperated and not divorced....
the reason that I did was simple, I still loved her even after everything
we went through.... it is not an easy road to recovery... it is very difficult
to put the past in the past... I have learned alot from all of this and
I try to focus on the positive things that have resulted from this.. and yes,
there have been some positives like it has brought me closer to my
children, I have become a better person and a better father, closer to God, etc.
There has also been alot of hurt and pain...
Dave

I wouldn't take mine back without years of intensive therapy... and by that time I would of gone on with my life.
Mine left me for dead as well.
I would need years of therapy if I did take her back... come to think of it, I am in therapy because of her.
No, I would have to be out of my mind to even think about taking her back... therapy?
Stay Strong!
Wallace

nezi and idostylin,

Please understand that for a lot of us, the bad in our x spouses outweigh the good.
Look at my x and I. I think that she is a good human being in general. She has been a good mother to my children, (I still say that I couldn't have picked a better woman to have children with. She has and continues to be very nurturing to them.) I think that she has a lot of growing up to do and I know that she has and will continue to regret the things that she has done. She is a very confused woman and if you ask her she will tell you the same thing.

Some of us are more jaded than others but we all carry the same scares.
I believe in MB principles and have used them to the fullest extent but it didn't pan out for me in my marriage, but as a person, I have made lots of positive changes for the better, as Dr. Harley has outlined in his books. NOT ALL MARRIAGES CAN BE SAVED. But you become a better person by applying MB principles. I think if I knew about MB's several years ago I could have prevented divorce and all the heartache that came along with it. I don't want you to get me wrong, I was just as much at fault with our divorce as she was. I just didn't have the skills to make things work better.

Bottom line is I want you to know that we are not trying to discourage you from reconciling with your spouse, we are just talking about our own experiences. If you will notice, just about every one of us would have taken our spouses back with open arms at one point or another.

I hope that all this makes sense! All of us want to be a positive influence on the Newbies and the Vets to save their marriages... If not, know that you've done everything you could do to save it... NO REGRETS!!!!

RN

<small>[ July 08, 2002, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Roughneck ]</small>

The only reason I would hesitate is that at least one of my adult kids has told me she would not visit me at home if he were here. If it were not for that, of course I would take him back. You don't stop loving someone just because they act like a jerk. Love is permanent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't stop loving someone just because they act like a jerk. Love is permanent.[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">that's exaclty how i feel. i just can't stop loving the jerk. some days i wish i could because loving him takes me through so many emotional ups and downs, but the ups are so good, and i don't want to think or dwell on the downs.

to roughneck,
i don't view these answers here as discouragement. i feel that each one has recovery that is specific to their individual needs. maybe one day i will be on the, "never, no way" side. i just don't know, but today i love my exh and i want to reconcile. not because he is such a prince or because he is always so nice and never abusive (verbally). not because there is no one better out there. but because i love him and only him. and today i am willing to continue loving him in spite of himself...

but thanks for the encouragement. today i ain't too happy with the ex. it's a bottom sort of day, but i do still love him and i do still want him back in spite of it all...

some may think i am crazy, but i still believe that God can do anything but fail (me)... so even if the man for me isn't the man i currently am in love with, God will make it all okay... whatever it is... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

My XH asked me on Saturday if he thought we'd get back together. (He was a bit hysterical because his new wife doesn't want to speak to him, they've been separated 2 months now). I told him I couldn't answer him at this stage, meaning because he was quite hysterical, he said what about 2 years time. I just said a lot can happen in that time. He tried to commit suicide again on Sunday night. He turns to me for support, but still declares his love for his new wife.... grrrr...

The answer is I will not take him back. He has not changed but I have.....

Let's see:

Maybe, if all the other men in the world (and women, I'd go lesbian before I'd take him back)and farm animals (LARGE AND SMALL, BILL) and all the batteries in the world were dead.

Ummm, nope. Not even then.

Not even if there was nuclear annihilation and we were the last two people on earth. If that happened, I would just strangle him like I've wanted to a million times because I couldn't go to jail because there'd be no witnesses. Then I'd live peacefully alone with only the cockroaches as my friends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I am changing my answer.....If she were truly sorry and repentant and said she would come back to the Church, then yes, I would take her back...my stupid heart tells me that this would be the thing to do.

c++_guy

If I would have found someone else after giving it my all to save the M [like I did]... NO

If I wouldn't have found someone else and the only pleasure that I could find was sitting in front of the TV or computer, cleaning out the cat box or sticking needles in eyes... NO

She showed me what she was made of and I don't need anymore [censored]. I have a mother.

I am adding to my answer with a saying we have here in Australia...see if you guys can work out where this saying came from <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

"He has two chances - Buckley's and none!"

It means no chance, not ever.

Love is not permanent, Nellie, not when it is beaten to death over and over and over and over and.....

I would be willing to take my WH back if there was sincere remorse or guilt for his affair. IF he would admit wholeheardedly to the family that he committed sin, and wanted our good graces to have us in the family again. To show kindness and caring and sympathy for all the damage that he has done. This is the only thing that I would change, otherwise he is a good person. But when one does not feel like betrayal is injury to another human, that is a coldhearted heart.

Not after our conversation last night. Trying to move forward with the DV and going over papers. Lied to me again about finding another job. The last time he was there he was supposed to start this week. Now this time he has an interview - go figure. He's lied so much that he can't remember what his original lie was. Tried to go over CS and he wants to use an estimate of what he is going to make this year. Yeah right, how do you figure CS when they haven't gotten a paycheck in 6 weeks. Informed me that we may have to claim bankruptcy. Gee I wonder why my answer is not only NO!!! BUT HE!! NO!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I agree, love is NOT permanent, everlasting, all forgiving. Just love is never enough and it can be killed--either thru negligent manslaughter or first degree murder.

Would I take her back???

For one thing, I don't have to worry about it! My XW is so proud that no matter how badly she may want to come back, she'd never tell me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

However, if by some strange miracle she did happen to "come crawling back," I'd have to say NO, NO, and HELL NO!

Here's the thing...

As intimidating and frustrating as the single world is, at least there is a chance that I'll find someone decent. I might find someone who will eventually dump me for someone else, but it is by no means certain.

Its different with my XW...I know for a fact that she would eventually look for the greener grass on the proverbial other side. I'd much rather take my chances out on the singles scene than go back to guaranteed pain and suffering.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by franklymydears:
<strong>I agree, love is NOT permanent, everlasting, all forgiving. Just love is never enough and it can be killed--either thru negligent manslaughter or first degree murder.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree that love itself is not enough. But in my view, if love is not permanent and everlasting and all-forgiving, then it is not love at all. As a Christian, I look to the Bible for my definition of love, and this is what I find...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's a love at any cost - at the ultimate cost! And how strong is that love?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whew! And if that weren't enough...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Love is patient, love is kind. ...It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (from I Corinthians 13)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Would I take my wife back?

Yes.

Now, I admit that if she were to approach me today and ask to come back, I would tell her I didn't think that was such a good idea...at this time. She needs to work through some things before a healthy relationship is likely. But with God's help, I believe she could get there. And I would take her back.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (I Corinthians 13:13)