i am at the first stage of my divorce. i have all the emotions i've read about (anger, hurt, anger, disappointment, and did i metion anger).
to make a long story short we've been married over 7 years and 3 kids. he decides he wants his independence. what is his definition of independence? he said he has been feeling this way for about 5 years. why is he just now what to pursue this divorce is my question. i married him at 19, but been with him since 16. i feel angry because i allowed him to take my youth away from me. i can't wait for this stage to be over so i can finally have the peace i want.

I too am in a similair situation my h and I married when I was nineteen, I am a mother of 2 wonderful boys and my precious little girl. I am in a situation where my marriage was bad most of the time I was the only one who seemed to work on it while he complained he didn't have a voice. In fact he's always had a voice he just didn't use it I wish he would have seen it sooner.

I went through a shutdown period for about a year where I really wanted a divorce and didn't know how to go through with it because I love him dearly this after 10 yrs of marriage. I can't say I was all that good to him but I felt very neglected and emotionally abused as well.

My h went through a recent health scare where we thought he may be seriously ill, thank God he wasn't but in that time I re-evaluated my feelings and really realized after a year of shutdown I really didn't want to lose him. Well he also re-evaluated his life and decided he didn't have "peace" in his life and I was the cause. He now wants out of the marriage but he is too coward to say it, he is only acting it out so I will be the bad guy to leave although I haven't been shutdown for the last month.

He is now acting terrible toward me talk about angry what you are feeling is normal. I'm kind of scared I don't know how to be without him he is my first love, and I am afraid I will never find another and waste the rest of my life pining over him. I am here if you'd like to talk, I could sure use a friend through this as well.

Toni...

e mail Blondesarenteverything@yahoo.com

thank you so much toni29again,
it feel so good to have someone understands. i talk to my grandmother but she believes that my husband seem to be acting out his anger on me instead of addressing the real source of the anger. i am at the point of wanting to hug him and reconcile but i don't want to be rejected. he has told me several times he don't want me anymore and wants me out of his life so he can have his independence. he said he feel i don't love him, i am only in this relationship because of the money and the stability. and because it looks good to the outside world, and he does not want to pretend to our friend and neighbors. sometimes i want to get into his head and squeeze or just open his eyes so he can realize what he is doing to me and the kids. our oldest is 6 and she is very smart. we both has spoken to her and she said she wants both of us to live in the same house. but from his view it is not possible. thank you for allowing me to vent.
email if you like LJEJJONES@ATTBI.COM