Curious from the BS out there what the WS said when you found out (this is especially directed to those who had the unfortunate experience of discovering by their own, not having a WS actually confessing -- they in my view, are way too much better than my X who lied through his teeth

A day or two before he moved out, my now x told me about his multiple EAs. Until then I was pretty clueless - except I had been told by the secretary in his office about one of the rumored ones there.

He told me such stuff as he hadn't wanted to marry me but he couldn't figure out how to get out of it before the wedding. He told me he hadn't been happy for years. Other such stuff as that. Was pitiful and lame and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but a lot of us have heard it.

Lets see, She loved me but wasn't in love with me, we didn't have enough friends. I would be better off with out her. We got married for the wrong reasons. there are more but its been awhile can't remember them all, but there is a lot of excuses that they come up with.

Loved me but wasn't in love with me.
Was not happy and needed to be happy.
Doesn't know if she ever loved me.
He is everything that I am not.
There was no romance in our M.
I made her have sex with me.
I am controlling.

Now that we are in recovery she says that she wasn't thinking clearly when she said these things and that none of them were true... funny what the fog does to the mind.

Dave

We are not fit for each other.
I am not in-love with you.
We got married for the wrong reasons.
I now know what in-love is (the OW).
We should of never got married.
I didn't love you at the altar.
We slept together before marriage, that is why he married me.
We have never loved each other.
We don't understand each other.
I don't like the way you act, look, sex, etc.
Sexually he compared me to her, she is a whore at heart.
My sexual oragns are not like hers. He told me after we had sex, that she was more endowed in her vaginal area than I. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
She loved doing things to him sexually, that I didn't want to do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , of course they (whores) are like that.
I was too close to my father.
And on, and on, and on, etc.! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

We are not fit for each other.
I am not in-love with you.
We got married for the wrong reasons.
I now know what in-love is (the OW).
We should of never got married.
I didn't love you at the altar.
We slept together before marriage, that is why he married me.
We have never loved each other.
We don't understand each other.
I don't like the way you act, look, sex, etc.
Sexually he compared me to her, she is a whore at heart.
My sexual oragns are not like hers. He told me after we had sex, that she was more endowed in her vaginal area than I. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
She loved doing things to him sexually, that I didn't want to do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , of course they (whores) are like that.
I was too close to my father.
And on, and on, and on, etc.! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Which time, my W has had 3 over 18 years.

The first I never found out about until the second one. Yes, I did the work tracing down phone calls and she finally admitted.
When she admitted to it she stated that I was:
Too controlling
Keeping her from her friends.
Emotionally abusive
Did not respect her
She needed her space
Wanted to change her life, the person I knew was just an act.
Happy with the other men in her life.

Prior to the latest A that I found out about by taping phone conversations she had stated:
She didn't love me anymore or didn't know what love is.
I was emotionally abusing her.
Keeping her from her friends
Too controlling
Wanted me to go find friends.
Asked if I was ready to just give up.
Said she wanted to move out of the house since I wouldn't.
Wanted to prove that she could be independent (we have been married since she was 17 and myself 19)

After I found out about the latest A via the phone calls and asked her to leave the house she said:
She was going for counciling, both AA and personal counciling.
That I would find someone that would make me happy.
That she didn't want a divorce.
That we had been through so much together,
She was not going to do the same things as the last time we seperated.
Has hugged me and broken down in tears.

But has not said she was sorry or taken any accountability for what she has done to me and our family. The divorce is well under way.

Love you not in love with you.

We're not compatible after 21 years <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> [we were so in love couldn't stand to be apart for until 1999?]..

Got married too young, complained 21 years later

Encouraged her to sing in church, it was my fault everyone liked her.

Made her cook 1 time a month [she said it was painful] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We've changed now and have different views on life, she said she's going another direction in life. Life will be beautiful now

She needed more male friends - said my fault she didn't have enough

I'd be better off with someone else

I messed up her college accounting career path..

I didn't hold her hand in public

I wouldn't listen to Gangster Rap and ingage in Porno films or books as she did now..

She didn't want a Christian husband anymore

I kept her from family she never knew she had?

She said she wanted to have sex with a guy that would lay on her with a six-pack stomach, said mine wasn't flat enough anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I have not heard any excuses from WW.
I haven't heard from her in 3 months.
Today is my 3 month anniversary of not one word from her.
I found out about her "A"s through cell phone records and people finally coming forth after she left.
"D" is full motion, no turning back... hope she has a nice life.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

My says I'm too controling. I won't let her make spagehtti the way she wants, it has to be my way. She wanted to go on a cruise, I wanted to go to disney. She finally talked me into Mexico however it still isn't a cruise. Those are the only things she can tell me as to why she wants a divorce. I think I will be better off without her. The only bad part is she is keeping my girls from me. It is a huge custody battle. She is going for full custody and I want 50/50 joint. I just thought of an idea for another post!

WH told me that "I had changed"

My STBXH said that I didn't love him enough (i.e. not as much as he thinks the MOW does). He insisted I was always in love with an ex-boyfriend from over 20 years ago and unless I would admit it and tell him why, he was leaving. Well I couldn't admit it since it wasn't true, and now he says I'm an "evil b!+(#."

Well, I got the usual "I love you but I'm not in love with you" bit like everyone else.

I also got the "he's my true soul-mate, and you never were" speech.

He made her feel like a "real person" again.

They had a "mystical connection" that I would "never understand."

They were "meant to be together," and she couldn't deny the "perfect love" they shared for each other.

Yada, yada, yada...

They didn't even last a year.

Originally,
1. told that he just had not been happy for a long time.
2. then that I ignored him (I could not get him off the computer, later found out why, hard core porn and cybersex affairs all over the country, trying to arrange meetings with them)after I found out the kinky stuff started at home and I tried compromising, requesting and finally said no more.
3. that we didn't do anything together (I would ask to go out and he would say no, or get mad and refuse to go out at all then)
4. that I turned down sex 1 time! in 19 years I said no 1 time! I had been working in the garage all day and could not get him to help and was filthy and exhausted that night. I have been turned down at least once a month for 22 years, he always had a headache and he had the affair.
5. Then it changed to he got in with the "wrong" crowd.

Anyways, they are all excuses, something else for them to blame it on so they don't have to face what they "chose". Now it is our choice. As long as we face what we are responsible for, our own actions, learn by them and keep growing and going! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It seems we fought about money constantly. I refused to let her put us in bankruptsy for her excessive spending. I was constantly canceling her credit cards and she would go to the mall on one of her shopping sprees the card would be rejected. There would be hell to pay when she got home.

1) I was too controlling about money(her first love).
2) No longer in love with me.
3) I did not understand her like her MM did.
4) We should have divorced years ago.
5) MM was her soulmate.

I could go on and on. Those were her main excuses.

T1

I find it amazing how similar all the excuses and reasons are given by the dopes to we BS's, here's my list:

"I love you, but I am not In Love with you."
"I never was in love with you, and I married you for the wrong reasons."
"You will be better off with someone who can really love you."
"You have put on too much weight"

I hear, through my sources, that IdiotBoy OM has put on a lot of weight now, too.

Moron.

Sound familiar anyone?

x never admitted to A just oral sex MOW was doing to him while on duty as police officer, thats not sex according to him or an A. the reasons he was leaving home changed over & over so many times he couldnt keep up with them.

1. we argue too much, then when I said tell me when he couldnt come up with anything.
2. he wasnt happy anymore
3. our sex life had gone (I wouldnt have anything to do with him unless he took a bath first).
4. he couldnt talk to me because I didnt have a college ed, MOW was a LPN & she was on his level. H started hanging around the hospital group, leaving not only me but old friends behind.
5. I gained weight, but MOW weigh the same as me.
6. at the end he told me he hated me & quit loving me a yr ago this puts him at the time he said he wanted out. I thank him for telling me the truth.
7. the wife of a fellow officer whose H is a old friend told me that he was telling everyone that I was too old for him (6 yrs older) & he needed a younger sexier woman who could excit him. after seeing X look so tired & old these days he must be getting what he wanted.

m- 17 yrs. 9 months
D-5-23-02
H-42 w-48
c-13, 28, 7 gd

MOW-29
D-needs judge to sign off
C- 3 under 10
M-10 yrs