What I mean about that is that is there any hope to make things right and rebuild marriage. Right now my situation is that my wife wants me out so she can as she puts it 'get on with her life'. We have been married for 6 years and have 3 children. A couple of months ago is when things started going bad. She said that things had been building up and she felt it was time to think about splitting up. I came from a broken family and I don't believe in divorce unless it's a situation such as abuse or the such. Well anyway we talked it out and agreed to go to a counselor and that seemed to go ok for a bit. I have made a lot of changes on how I deal with the kids and the family as a whole. Suddenly I find myself staring at this woman that looks like my wife but is nothing like her. She is getting aggresive about wanting me out and I'm not sure how to look at it. I've been trying to make it work and to hold on, but maybe I'm the king of fools. Everyone that knows her and I have talked to says she sounds like shes got issues and is confused to the point she doesn't know what she wants. I dunno.....Im confused myself. I want to hold on to hope for the kids and myself but I feel like Im losing grip. Has anyone else had a similar situation and pulled through it and made it back to the family life? If so let me know. Sorry this is so poorly constructed. I'm just full of random thoughts right now. Thanks

I would suggest reading the articles on this site and try doing plan A.

Plan A?

There are plenty of ways to rebuild a marriage but you first need to understand what is wrong with yours. Read all you can on this site. Get into it deep. Find out about plan A, Emotional needs, why people have affairs, etc. It will open your eyes. Try to get her to check out the site also.

Do you thing your W is having an affair? Do you know what the signs of a cheating spouse are? See below.

* At the beginning of an affair the mate that is cheating is more attentive to his spouse. This is due to guilt that the cheater may be feeling at the time.
* After the affair has been going on for a while the person cheating seems to find fault with the person he/she may be living with to try to justify the affair in their mind.
* Cheating spouses may lose attention in the activities in the home. They don't show interest in the livelihood of you or the children that live in the home. Nor do they have any desires to do any fix-ups to the home (i.e. lawn care, house repairs, etc.....)
* Intuition (gut feeling) that something is not right usually is a sign you may have a cheating problem "when in doubt check them out". Definitely
* Cheaters may have a change in sex life (i.e. more sex, less sex) as well as unexplained sexual requests.
* The cheater has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home, especially the mate (i.e. if he/she didn't act the way they do, well then maybe I wouldn't be doing the things I do).
* Another sign is "Finances". "If someone wants to play they have to pay" therefore keeping an eye on their monies (i.e. check stubs, bank account balances, credit card bills, etc...) would tell you whether their spending more money than usual.
* Grooming habits will change. Cheaters will be more attentive to their person (e.i. the way they dress, frequent bathing, physical fitness, grooming of their hair, switching of colognes, etc...).
* Physical signs to look for to determine whether or not someone is having an affair is lipstick on the collar, odors of cologne/perfume on a shirt/blouse, checking underwear for secretion stains. You can also check their wallets and/or the glove compartments of their car to see if they left receipts, pieces of paper with phone numbers, addresses, condoms, etc. No sign
 You may want to monitor your spouse for two weeks. During this time keep track of the mileage on their car. Monitor the time they leave for work and the time they come home. Keep a calendar and note the times, this should help you establish a pattern. If your mate claims to be working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime.

* Be tuned in to home telephone calls when your mate has a tendency to whisper or gives a quick answer and immediately hangs up or when you answer the telephone and get an abrupt hang up.
* Many cheaters use cellular telephones to communicate with their lovers. Should your mate have a cellular telephone you may want to get a detailed billing of the calls made from the cellular phone to determine whether a certain number has been frequently called. A good area to start looking is for the first number called when your mate first leaves for work and the same number called again right before they return home.
* Female cheaters are more discreet in the selection of a lover . This is most likely because of their concern of Sexually Transmitted Disease's (STD's). Most females are looking for a longer lasting relationship rather than a "one night stand". In past years men were the aggressors, in society today, with the increase of women in the work force, women have become equally aggressive.
* When a female is having an affair she tends to have more of a "glow" about her.

If you suspect an affair, I would not ask her but find out about it. She will probably deny and then start covering her tracks which will make it more difficult to figure out the truth.
You need to know what is going on and more than likely you will need to do some investigating.

Don't give up on your marriage but do work on the things listed above and keep us updated.

Hang in there, this will get worse before it gets better.

PLAN A

SA

I really feel for you. My situation is similar to yours. I'm on the opposite end. You can read Moving Out here or Bizarre In recovery. I begged my husband not to leave. Then I got really disgusted, by the time he moved out a week ago I was fed up. Things had just gone too far. He new the day he moved out he'd made a mistake, but now I don't want to start a new.

Well I'd like to say that I'm sure she isn't cheating. About the only time I'm away from her is when I'm at work. I go with her on her job often since its a early morning paper route, we also take the kids. Which the kids would be another reason I don't suspect cheating. I have 2 daughters at 4 and 5 and a son of 18 months. It's hard to keep when one of us goes to the potty a secret around those two. So I figured if another man was stopping by then I would of heard something. Basicaly whats going on is her saying that she has outgrown me. That I'm different than I was 7 years ago (well duh) and that what we want from life is totally different things. Shes going back to school, shes got good paying job, and she says she doesn't need me anymore. I hate to tell her but her view on the fact that god gave her me to give her a backbone to stand againts her parents in the beginning and then giver her the 3 kids and now thats that is really how things work. You guys have fun trying to figure that one out. I looked through the different bits and pieces on here and one thing that caught my attention was something about the 3 stages of something, forgive me for not remembering. But this was the stage of Withdrawl. This is where the Giver and Taker start to go through the deal where the Taker does this that and the other while the Giver either tries to hold on or is dragged into the Withdrawl stage too. Im sure some of you had seen it. Anyways, I was partly shocked when I saw it because I felt as if they had writen it after looking at us. It was almost a play by play of what I'm dealing with. This gives me some hope. It's like I went from knowing nothing to finally seeing a possible solution.

Ok another bit of lunicy before i stop. Another thing thats bothering me is the way she seems to try to be planning my future. I mean come on. If she wants me out and doesn't love me why is she trying to look for a good apartment or making sure i'm going to have this or that. There's that and her friend. Her friend divorced her husband about 1 year ago and moved in with a friend of mine that is also a recently divorcee. Well this friend of hers is really doing nothing but filling her head with 'divorce was so good for me' and 'the best choice I have ever made'. Yeah...well in her case it may have been considering her husband felt up her drunk 16 year old sister but in our case I don't feel divorce is the cure. But thats all the positive reinforcement that she has got about our problems. So to her right now its divorce or nothing. Ok I'm rambling right now....I'm sure you guys understand though where I'm comming from. I dont know if it's night or day half the time, heh heh. Take care all.