This poll would be only for those with kids, who are already divorced or separated. If the choices don't seem to cover your situation, please comment on this thread. It might help others to have this information when thinking about what custody schedule they can expect.

I'm also interested in how the custody schedule changes as kids grow up, but that would be another poll.

- Tom

I did a poll about a month or two ago. Search my old threads. I was surprised by the amount of 50/50 splits.
I have a potential distance problem. I plan to live 25 miles away from H. And I did all the child transportation for 5 years and don't plan to do it anymore.
Good Luck. I'm anxious to see the results.

When you say "do" you have, does that mean what does your legal agreement state or what "actually" occurs?

I want 50/50 so bad. I will be going to court soon. Curently my wife is keeping the kids from me. My atourney say's I will get 50/50 because I have a long history of involvement with my girls. Coaching softball for 5 years. Basketball 1 year. Parent teachers conference attendance records. I go to all of there hockey and soccer games. I take them roller skating, fishing, skwert gun fights, camp fires all kinds of stuff. He says the courts won't take them away from me.

Kids live with me 80% of the time. Their mom gets every other weekend and 2 evenings each week for 3 hours that she hardly ever used until her OM dumped her. Transportation is split.

I know my STBX wants joint but from where he lives we can't do 50/50 & as long as he is living with OW don't think my sons would go that often, they seem to hate her more & more. Also STBX lives over an hr away depending on HOuston traffic

What we do now is this:

OS (almost 18) goes when he wants to go, sometimes he is told to go

Ys-10 goes part of every wkend-this gives him a chance to play with BF on Fridays & play sports on Sat

STBX comes down once a wk & spends time with the boys, working out with OS, playing with YS, they eat out & even hang out in my house; this started when I as taking a class on the day he come but it works for them; they get to spend quailty time together & I just leave or stay out of the way

for the summer it has been the same for the most part, they have stayed maybe 2 or 3 nights once & are staying 2 nights this wk as I was stressing over a big test tomorrow

holidays- STBX had Thanksgiving wk- I had 3 papers due but came back at lest 1 day ealry

the major holidays were sort of share the time except Thanksgiving, I had 3 papers due & needed the time so he was to have for the wk but they came back a day early

Spring Break we split

As of now we just work it out wk by wk, if something comes up for YS I ask STBX before I tell YS, he has been inviited to something

it works for us & the boys seem happy with it
STBX would like more time but as long as he lives where he does, don't think that will happen

<small>[ July 12, 2002, 07:15 PM: Message edited by: sing ]</small>

I'm the mom, and the two older girls (3 and 5) go with their dad every other weekend Friday night thru Sunday. He also comes up once a week for dinner for 2.5 hours. The baby (14 months) does not go on overnights, but does go to dinner, and for up to 7 hours during the day on special occasions (birthdays, when ex's parents are here, etc.) We live an hour apart, and I drive the girls down to their dad for the every other weekend visitation. He threatens 50/50 every once in a while, but I guarantee you that he sees the kids more now than when we were married - he could care less about spending time with them, and was out sleeping with all his employees, so I don't see him as really wanting that.

I have sole custody of my boys, in the past my xh saw the boys 2 times a year, however in the last year he has been getting them 2 weekends a month and the boys seem to be doing much better with everything. They love having their dad in their life again.
I have told my x he can have them anytime he would like during the summer and any weekend during the school year, even though our divorce decree says he only gets every other christmas and fathers day.
He is a good day, he has had some problems in the past, but seems to be changing his life around.
I am supportive, I will help anyone who first helps themselv

Question 2: No unusual circumstances except that there is an OC, so the kids are split.

Question 3: Custody for me is, every weekend. One weekend Friday to Saturday, the next Friday to Sunday.

Question 5: Days without overnights are the weekends. Over 8 hours, but no weeknights unless she needs a babysitter.

^^^

(catamount - let's say "do" refers to the custody agreement, since that's what people will negotiate on.)

Tom,

I have sole physical and legal custody of my 3 sons. My ex has standard legal visitation (Friday evening thru Sunday evening, every other weekend. Plus Wednesday evenings from 5:30 to 8:30.) He also has extra time granted during major holidays and on Father's Day. He chooses not to use this time. He left 12/23/99 and during the year 2000, he spent a total of 12 hours with the boys. 2001 wasn't much better. This has been the best year so far. He started spending a little more time with the kids in Dec. 2001 when he found out that I was planning on getting remarried. He saw the kids 3 times from Dec.-Feb. Then he didn't see them again until June. But he's had them 4 times since the beginning of June. He never keeps them for more than one night at a time. The kids try to see him more but he always has a reason that he can't see them. I figure it's his loss. I also have told him that he can see the kids anytime. I have never told the boys that they can't call their father or spend time with him, even if it doesn't fall on his weekend.

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My divorce will be final on Monday. My children are 18 (just turned this month) and 14. The reason that my H left was because of an A. My kids do not want anything to do with OW. Without going into much detail....H really put his relationship with OW before the kids. He would go for days without calling and he took so many trips in the beginning of our seperation (with her of course)...he forgot he had kids! They want nothing to do with her. We have agreed on standard visitation wording.....but, this weekend, in front of both boys he is going to tell them that he will never force them to do anything that they don't want to. I hope and pray that he will be true to his word. I believe that he would not be able to tell the boys one thing and then do another....he will surely lose them if this happens. This really has nothing to do with my 18 yr old....doesn't have to worry about visitation...no one can force him. My 14 yr old wants nothing to do with the new family that Dad has created...but would like to see Dad. I have never stopped him from seeing the boys....May and June were good months for him and his visitation. They have never spent the night with him. He shot himself in the foot by moving in with her instead of staying in his apartment until we were divorced. They never call him. He has made some big mistakes....and they have felt it. It is unfortunate that he did not get good advice from his friends. He felt the need to go away with her (to meet his family) for a week and a half....instead of taking boys to see their grandparents. It would have been a great vacation for the kids....and some much needed bonding time. He knew that they would never go with her....so he made his choice and took her. This was a very good man who was just the very best Dad. He has made such poor choices. The kids have really felt it....but they are doing pretty well right now. They both want to see Dad....without the OW. H also never talks to them about this...that is why this weekend should be interesting.

Sorry, I went on about this....i actually caved in on the visitation. I wanted it to say in the papers that my 14 yr old can say NO if he wants to. Husband wants no part of that.....says it's his pride. I think he is being selfish and again not thinking of his boys. I would never tell my son that he couldn't go see his Dad...that would hurt my relationship with him.

Anyway.....that's about it! Sorry it's so long.

Max

I have special circumstances but here is what is stipulated in the divorce papers.... Names have been changed but everything else is how they were written up....

CIVIL SUIT NO. 32,000

Roughneck 28TH JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT

VERSUS PARISH OF LASALLE

Roughnecks EX-wife STATE OF LOUISIANA

STIPULATED ORDER OF JOINT CUSTODY

The joint plan to implement joint custody is submitted on behalf of Roughneck and Roughneck's Ex wife for custody of the minor children namely, Lindsay Brooke, born 23 June 1993 and Kaylee Celiste, born 20 July 2000, both born of the marriage, and Ryan Chase, the natural son of Roughnecks Ex-wife and adopted son of Roughneck (hereinafter the minor children are sometimes referred to as the "Minor Children").

The intent of this agreement is to assure the Minor Children of frequent and continuing contact with both parents and to encourage and facilitate the ability of the parents to share the rights and responsibilities of child rearing.

A. PHYSICAL CUSTODY

The parents are both fit and proper persons to have the care, custody and control of the Minor Children. However, considering the belief, interest and welfare of the Minor Children, the parties have agreed to rest their physical and residential care, custody and control with the mother and father as specified below. The parties consider legal custody to be joint and shared.

The primary domicile of the Minor Children shall be at the residence of the mother, who is designated as the domiciliary parent of the Minor Children, except as provided in Paragraph M below.

Except as provided herein, the children shall be subject to rules and regulations agreed upon by the parents.

The parties are encouraged to communicate frequently about all factors affecting the welfare of the children.

Each parent should maintain sufficient flexibility to allow for variations made necessary by the ebb and flow of work schedules, social, educational and recreational life.

Each parent should not ignore the input of the other by the failure to communicate or use the children to inform each other of decisions on important matters.

B. CONSULTATION CONCERNING CHILDREN

The parties are encouraged to communicate about all factors affecting the welfare of the children.

No Alienation of Affection. Neither the father nor the mother shall attempt, or condone any attempt, directly or indirectly, by any artifice or subterfuge whatsoever, to estrange the children from the other party, or to injure or impair the mutual love and affection of the children.

At all times, the parties shall encourage and foster in the children sincere respect and affection for both parents and shall not hamper the natural development of the children*s love and respect for the other parent.

Records and information. All information regarding school, report cards, conferences, trips, functions, meetings, etc. shall be furnished to the non-domiciliary parent upon receipt or knowledge thereof. The parents shall not communicate through the children, or third parties, or use the children because they refuse to communicate. The non-domiciliary parent has the right to medical, dental, health, school or educational information and records directly from the source.

Address and Phone Numbers. Each party agrees to keep the other party currently advised of the other*s residence and business address and telephone numbers at all times.

C. REMARRIAGE

Upon remarriage, either party may seek a modification as provided in Paragraph G below.

D. SUPPORT AGREEMENT

Child Support. The father shall pay ONE THOUSAND AND NO/100 ($1,000.00) DOLLARS per month towards the support of the Minor Children. Roughnecks Exwife waives any income assignment. The child support is payable on the 15th and the last day of each month.

Insurance. Roughneck is to maintain medical insurance on the minor children and the parties are to split all medical and dental expenses not covered by insurance 50/50. Any party due reimbursement by the other party shall pay the reimbursement within thirty (30) days of receipt of notice detailing what the insurance has paid and/or what the insurance will not pay.

Temporary Periodic Support. Roughneck shall continue to pay the bills of the community for six months after the judgment of divorce (or until 13 November 2002) in lieu of temporary periodic support.

Tax. Roughneck shall have the Federal and State tax credit for the three Minor Children.

E. EDUCATION

The parents are encouraged to communicate on educational decisions. In case of dispute, Paragraph G shall prevail. Both parents are entitled to any and all records of the children from all schools and teachers directly from the source.

F. TRANSPORTATION

Each parent shall be responsible for transportation while the children are in the residence. If a parent is unable to pick-up or drop off the Minor Children because of work schedule or any other reason, any immediate family member may be substituted and authorized to exchange the children.

G. PLAN MODIFICATION

Each party may seek judicial modification of this plan. The parties shall furnish to the Court any modified plan by joint motion. The joint modification shall be effective after Court approval, but may be retroactive if agreed by the parties and/or approved by the Court.

H. MEDICAL AND DENTAL

Both parents are entitled to all records and communications to include but not limited to the children*s medical and dental treatments. Except in emergencies, the domiciliary parent is responsible for all medical, psychiatric and dental treatment decisions. In an emergency, the parent with physical custody shall be responsible for such decisions. Substance abuse treatment is deemed medical treatment.

Each parent shall notify the other parent of any medical emergency or illness suffered by the children which requires medical attention and/or hospitalization consultation within twenty-four (24) hours. Failure to notify shall render that parent liable for the full amount of the medical bill together with all medication prescribed by the physician. The purpose of this clause is to facilitate communication between the parties when the children require medical attention.

I. COMMUNICATION BY THE CHILDREN

The children shall have reasonable access to communication with each parent. No communication shall be intercepted, censored, or monitored. Each party shall provide the other with a phone number and address of the children*s whereabouts at all times.

J. TUTORSHIP

The parents shall enjoy the natural co-tutorship of the children in accordance with Articles 250 and 258 of Louisiana Civil Code, except as limited herein.

K. PROPERTY OF THE CHILDREN

The parents shall have administration of the property of the children provided by Article 4362 of the Louisiana Code of Civil Procedure.

L. ACUTE ILLNESS

In the event of serious illness, each parent shall allow reasonable visitation to the other upon request. A serious acute illness is any illness which requires hospitalization.

M. VISITATION

The father shall enjoy visitation with the Minor Children as follows:

1. When the father is off work, he shall have visitation with the minor children;

2. Upon 30 days written notice, each parent shall be entitled to one (1) week of summer vacation with the minor children.

3. Any other times agreeable by the parties.

If application of these sections results in overlapping of periods, no addition or subtraction of periods is necessary.

N. USE OF CARE

This plan is to be flexible based upon the parties agreeing to dates and times different from herein to support the work, school, and social schedules of the parties and children herein.

THUS DONE AND SIGNED this ___________ day of ____________________, 2002, in Jena, Louisiana.

__________________________________________

JUDGE, 28TH JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT













AGREED AS TO FORM: FAIRCLOTH & DAVIDSON, L.L.C.



_______________________________ BY:______________________________________

Roughneck JOHN C. DAVIDSON #18859

1535 Jackson Street

Post Office Box 12730

Alexandria, Louisiana 71315-2730

Telephone: (318) 442-9533

Facsimile: (318) 442-9532

ATTORNEYS FOR Roughneck











_______________________________ __________________________________________

Roughnecks Ex-wife MARK L. TALLEY #21907

Post Office Box 41

Jena, LA 71342

Telephone: (318) 992-2211

ATTORNEY FOR Roughnecks Ex-wife

I have custody of my kids, they see their dad about two weekends a month, when he's in town (his job requires travel) they call him when ever they want to talk to him..I don't prevent them from talking to him if they want to, and if it's 2 am, they call him..

Now the only time I don't allow them to go with him
is when he starts trying to manipulate the situation..ex: "I'm going to be gone out of town for a month and don't know 'WHEN' I'll be home again" and it's my weekend with the kids and we already have plans..Prime example of that was recently when he was supposed to leave that Monday to go out of state he'd had the kids all the weekend before and that week and wanted them that weekend as well..I had a surprise b-day party for my OD planned so I said No..he got mad and started
up about "Don't you care that I'm going to be GONE for who knows HOW LONG??" " I explained, that No, I didn't care, it was his choice to continue in that job that required him to travel, and I have already made plans, so I wanted him to bring the kids home as scheduled" had I NOT had other plans I wouldn't have minded..he then started up about "Well can't SON stay longer and I'll just bring the girls home"
I again said "NO" he got huffy...and said "FINE" and hung up the phone..turns out..He didn't leave that monday to go out of town..and has only called the kids once since that weekend...

but, I usually try and let them go when he asks..
because I know they need that relationship also..

Ya know, there are so many "other" responses on the 2nd question about the type of custody rotation, that I probably didn't make the first three choices clear. "Daily rotation" doesn't mean alternating days, but rather a fixed scehdule of days. For example, if someone had the 2nd and 4th weekend every month, and Wednesday evenings, that would be "daily rotation on a monthly period", plus non-overnight hours on the last question. tldennet and Mitzi and ThornedRose appear to have this basic pattern.

T1 and idiotguy appear to have "daily rotation on a two-week period". That's also my pattern, with 5 overnights out of 14:

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Mom Dad Mom Mom Dad Dad Mom (at 8:00)
Mom Mom Dad Dad Mom Mom Mom

Thanks for everyone's input.

- Tom