<small>[ July 15, 2002, 08:58 AM: Message edited by: Confused & can't believe ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Confused & can't believe:
<strong>I will be moving out in a few weeks. after she signs a 50/50 custody split which she has agreed to.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you consulted a lawyer about this 50/50 custody split. If not you need too ASAP, I did this without consultation and found out that it was not admissable in court which turned into a 5 month court battle.

I hate to say it but from what you have stated, it sounds like she is in a fog. A fog on this site means that your spouse is having some kind of emotional or physical affair which is clouding her judgement on how she feels about you.

It is typical for someone in an affair to try to blame all their problems on their spouse, believe me, I have seen it. It appears that you have realized what some of your faults are and have been working on them. You need to get a Plan A going. Read as much as you can from this site and do a little investigating into whether she is having an Affair.

We have two boys ages 9 and 5. She says that this will be good for them because then they will have two parents totally consumed by making their lives great.

I think what she means by this is that whoever has the kids will be totally consumed with them if you are divorced; compared to if you stay together, they will not get as much attention as you will be working on the marriage and less on the children. Unfortunately she is wrong. Kids want/need their parents together if at all possible.

I also live in Indiana and just filed for D. The attorney told me that it will take 120 days if everything goes well. You have time. Work on yourself (plan A).

Keep in touch, there is a lot of good info and people on this site that will help you.

The thing is that I have been working on Plan A for the last 6 months and thought that we were doing great. We were doing eerything together and loving life. I just wonder if she was lying the whole time due to her guilty feelings. I am going to try to do the Plan A thing until the end, just because that is the type of guy I am. I really believe that we are generally very good together, but she is not wanting to address any of her problems with us, and since mine are so very much better, she just seems that there is nothing else to do but run.

I have read about 15 books on self improvement and relationship rebuilding and incorporated many of the things into my life, and I enjoy life much better because of it. I have tried to get her to read, but she has only read His needs/Her Needs, together, me for the second time, and I think she read part of Relationship Rescue at the very beginning, but I don't think she finished it. I realize that we can never be happy together without her working on herself. I could not make her happy if I was the absolutely perfect man, because our porblems are no longer predominately ME. I have my role for sure, but these things are her it seems and I can't address her.

I am afraid that she will only realize after it is too late. But yes, the category of fog is definitely something that fits her right now. If it takes 4-6 months to get divorced and nothing changes, then I will be happy (better with 6), because at least I can look myself in the mirror and think back that I did absolutely everything that I could do for our marriage and children. And I will be more confident that she has at least some inkling of what she is doing if it can take at least that long to be finalized.

It could be the fog, or it could be that she doesn't trust you. But she's seen changes.
Can you get her to attend a marriage counselor, or an MB seminar, or counsel by phone with the Harley's?
Try all methods before splitting.
New article on Yahoo today saying divorce isn't better.

I am going through the exact same things. Before my wife's 42nd birthday she said that she did'nt want marriage anymore. she tthought that she could love me but did'nt. i am a assoc. minister and a average working man. i did'nt see this coming. she says it's not me it's her. She wants a simple div. and just last sat. july6th she laid copies of a D settlement on the table. I havent'nt been served with a petition yet. this seems like a "shotgun" divorce. I do have an atty. But, I'm digging in my heels of faith and i'm holding on. She never sleeps at home some nights. So I just pray. I love her but I'm trying to adjust. I think she's having an affair but wont admit it.

Yes, It truly is amazing how much devestation one person can have on a family. I guess that is just because each person is such and integral part and each relies upon the good graces of the others. When one person goes bad, the rest of the family is hit hard. Just like a car, only runs well with 4 aired up tires. When one goes flat, the car just can't go on.

I have been almost totally alone for the last 6 days. It has been an interesting experience. I wake at night and immediately think about her. I used to think about what I could do to get her to change her mind, now I have started thinking about whether I want her to change her mind.

Living like this gives her so much power over my life and the lives of my children. Living with the constant wonder of whether I screw up today will mean that she leaves tomorrow is no way to live. Even if she asked to come back, I am unsure of what I would say. I love her and would want her to return, but I am unsure whether I could allow her to return without some serious work on herself first. I changed dramatically over the last 6 months and I am very proud of my accomplishments. I am proud to say that I am a 100x the father that I used to be, and 1000x the husband and that is no joke. I refound my desire for my family in such a way that my biggest regret is loosing it after I have just had a taste of what life could really be like.

I know that if she ever realizes that she doesn't want this that I would seriously consider taking her back, but I am unsure about how I would protect myself and my children from her again. I am afraid that I would alwasy wonder when the shoe was going to drop and she was going to just hit the road again. She didn't really leave, she just said that she didn't want to be married anymore, and that she would stay at a friends house if I didn't want her here. She left so enough said.

I think I will start a new post about how you protect yourself from someone that can leave you at any moment.