My husband moved out just over 3 months ago because he doesn't think he loves me the way a husband should love his wife. We had just started marriage counceling, which neither of us thought did any good. The only good thing he told us and my pastor also told us...don't tell the girls anything yet. They meant, just tell them that Daddy is going to Grandma and PaPas to work on some stuff. That's what we told them and they were fine with that for awhile, they are 6 1/2 and 4.

Two months went by and I was trying to read and get into the Bible and be the person, mother and wife that God wants me to be. I just encouraged my husband to take his time and I was patient and wanted him to figure this out. We are totally open and honest about everything. I did find out that a good female friend of his, who has been married for almost 20 years, about 7 years older than us, someone that I trusted and respected as much as he did...had been there for him, emotionally, listening to his problems, etc. They recently admitted that they had feelings for each other. Nothing sexual has happened, I totally believe that...but he knows that the emotional part is just as much an affair as anything.

Okay, now on to the important part. We went out in June to talk...he told me he was coming to tell me he wanted a divorce...but couldn't now because he realized he still had feelings for me. We are still living seperate and going out on dates, and spending much family time with the girls. We get along great, but he has again said he doesn't think he loves me, doesn't know if he ever has and doesn't think he ever will again.

I got him to agree to go to a marriage seminar with me about rediscovering your love. The marriage builders weekend is something that we are really looking into...it also has 24 post sessions, should be good. However, that's about another 6 months from now.

Question....finally....what do we tell our girls? I'm hoping that someone out here help us decide what to tell them. I'm wondering if anyone has been to the seminar and can tell me if and how they address this issue. Also what do they tell you about living together again or not?

Hi Fonz,

I see this is your first post?

I don't have kids, so I'm sure I'll be little help. If they are asking questions, how about the "age appropriate" truth? Like, Dad and I are working through some problems and we are doing our best. Is something bothering you?

As far as the living arrangement, I have never thought living apart is any solution. On this board the living apart usually comes about when one partner requires the freedom to do what they are not supposed to be doing. So, what is accomplished by this living arrangement?

Also, sounds like you two are still very together in lots of things - that is good. Your H sounds confused, why is that? Why did he leave your home, change his mind about divorce?

I have not been to an MB seminar series. I also would not hang all my hopes on attending one either - although it could never hurt to go. How about using the counseling available here, right NOW? It sounds like your H would be receptive. I know it's expensive but what price do you place on your marriage.
MB Counsel

And as always, have you read all of the information available on this site? Have you discussed emotional needs, lovebanks,etc. with your H? Filled out the questionaires togther?

Regards,

IS