I do not feel divorced sometimes. My x and I do things, I thought for the kids, but he is so insistant that now that we are d. everything is going to be better (for him). This way we can recommit.
I do not agree with his thinking, if you get divorced you are finished, you gave up, right. I don't think that if you have to get d. to be with someone that it is a relationship that is going to be strong and fulfilling. Not to mention, I just got out of this, why would I want to get back in.
It's hard not to be confused. I always feel like I don't know how or what I am.

My stbxh said to me as he was leaving that he thought we would get back together again in a few years. We had a friend who did that with his wife and my stbxh always thought that was a neat thing. He mentioned to me in an e-mail a couple of months ago that maybe we would meet up again in a few years. Yet he proceeds with the D.

I feel like you - confused. But I believe that in a few years I will be a totally renewed person and will not be looking back. Heck, I almost feel that way now after six months. I can't believe I would take a giant step backwards. Why do these men think they can manipulate lives like this?

Personally,

I think it is an ego thing....they think they will always be able to have a relationship with you...on their terms.

Faulty thinking!!!!

Pat

<small>[ July 15, 2002, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</small>

<small>[ July 15, 2002, 09:31 AM: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</small>

I just spent hours and hours w/my ex of 3 yrs and my chilcren 19,15 in intensive care waiting w/his father. I'd been extremely close w/his father, we all were......it was good to be there. Made me miss him, in all honesty. Do people get remarried? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> confusilated

I can definately relate to this post. My H and I have only been separated less than a month, and he was restationed to Ft Bliss, over 600 miles from us, but he still asks me and the kids to come visit then acts as if things were still fine between us. All the while he is in communication with the most recent OW (well I have no proof, but just a gut instict), because of course he denies everything. Anyway, I think he thinks we are going to be best buddies that have sex sometimes after the divorce is final, and I am never going to be jealous again and we will live happily ever after in our own homes. Men are strange. How am I ever supposed to move on, if I am stuck in the past not letting go of my relationship with him? It just can't work, I will never feel single if I continue my excursions with him. good luck people this is all new to me and it is driving me insane.

I am glad I'm not alone. My x is fuming because I wouldn't argue with him at 11:OO last night. I feel like just running away sometimes, but then I think, if I can do it, here where my friends have disappointed me and here where he is than, I can do it anywhere. I'm looking up and forward. Best of luck to me and to all of us. Because things hardly ever go as planned.

WARNING: What follows is a rant, and should not be taken as a direct response to any particular post preceding it, or as an attack on any of the posters. But after reading all these posts, I have to ask...

What do y'all expect?

A diva sings "Learning to love yourself...is the greatest love of all", and the song climbs to the top of the charts. We live in a society which has rejected the concepts of absolute truth and morality, and the only "virtue" our society really believes in any more is the pursuit of one's own self-interests.

Marriage is little more than an excuse for a fancy party, and even the courts assign it less meaning than a business contract. The courts have given up even the pretense of dealing justice (let alone fairness!) and the legislatures have passed laws that actually prohibit the courts from doing so.

So in this climate, what is a divorce supposed to mean anyway? Hmm?

The same thing as "marriage". The same thing as "love". It means whatever the *&#$ you want it to mean.

It can be a threat or a weapon or a tool. It can be a protection. It can be a siren murmuring sweet lies about a new life free from all the pains and responsibilities of the past. It can be a justification for actions that would otherwise violate the tattered remnants of some outdated moral code that still cling precariously to what once was called a conscience but is now called emotional baggage.

But whatever anyone tries to make it mean, divorce is really nothing more nor less than a change in legal status. It does not change who or what anybody is, or how anyone relates to any other person, except in the assignment of specific legal responsibilities and privileges and rights.

So how can one possibly "feel" divorced? How can you feel a legal status?

You can't. We go into marriage with various expectations, some conscious, some not; some communicated, some not. Similarly, we go through divorce with various expectations.

It would be astonishing if they lined up.

My X moved out two weeks ago. The day he moved he asked me out. I told him he was crazy. I want to go on with my life. He said the sepaarion was his way of trying to nake out relationship better. He just wants to start over again and try to build a new relationship with me. I told him I wasn't interested any more. He would not reconsider moving out and would not come to marriage counseling since he didn't believe anybody could help us, but us. We have to work out our own problems. Finally I told him, if he leaves, he'll be gone forever from my life.

Well said, Gnome.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />